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I Am Skilled in the Art of Blogging in Thine Language, Sire

Who is that person who speaks to me as tho I needed his advice?”
I have declared Philip my High Councilor”
“Is he qualified?”
The impudent Councilor opens his mouth…
“I am skilled in the arts of war and military tactics, Sire”
“Are you? …then tell me, what advice would you offer on the present situa…”
Thrown-out-the-window-splash-dead.

I felt like that annoying little fuck before writing that post. Oh if you need a more vivid understanding, just watch the scene from Braveheart.

Anyone who tells you he was horrified by this plunge is a LIAR. He totally deserves it! I mean, look at him! Secretly or not, you all said “Yes! Die you dipshit”. Anyway, yeah basically, before writing this, I felt like that guy. Wait, gotta watch it one more time…blablabla…bloblo…ahhh that fucking mug…yes you die! Ok. English is not my first language, you see. My thought process is different. I didn’t feel comfortable blogging because I learned english by watching TV and movies. Especially Al Pacino and Robert De Niro movies, so the first word I learned was “fuck”. This is exactly how I understood english at first.
I feel better now, I have an english-speaking girlfriend, I work in english, but it is still frustrating to look for the right words all the time. You cannot translate the essence of a language that easily. Wait! Who am I kidding? In this era of super-dooper-technology, we do have automatic translators! Cool! Let’s try Google translator…ok simple phrases…

What swelling this translation tool.  I am sure it is a motherfucker who has conceived.  But give him the benefit of the doubt.

Hahahaha! What? A motherfucker who has conceived? Who the hell designed that thing? Can’t trust a tool when a minor yet funny bad word is translated into motherfucker. Give him the benefit of the doubt?  That he conceived or that he is a motherfucker? You see, it doesn’t capture the essence of what I was trying to say.

Hate machines. Nostradamus invented the first translation machine. That guy just wanted to translate Latin to French and his device gave him weird sentences. He said “What the hell, I’m gonna have some fun“. Today, there are still thousand of idiots trying to decipher his quatrains, claiming the end of the world is coming in 1999, oups wrong, 2008 then…no,no,no wrong again, now it is clearly 2012! It was just a stupid inefficient translator that did it, losers; a year 1500 version of Google Translator!

Anyway what was the topic again? Oh yeah, my fear of writing on this blog in english. Friends told me not to sweat it: just rant, bitch about something. My girlfriend punched me once because I bitch and rant about things all the time. I mean it seriously: she was folding stuff and then without any warning POW! She punched me in the face. So I am clearly an annoying and bitchy guy. To arouse such zealous rage in someone demonstrates de facto that I have talent. As for writing in English, well from time to time I surprise myself. In an interview I once said: “Use a low cost product to attract consumers. Once our organization, via our low cost product, has established a relationship with consumers, our organization will sell additional, higher-margin products and services that enhance the consumer’s interaction with the low-cost product or service.” with my brain telling me at the same time what the hell did you just say man? So I guess I’ll manage. Bitching is a universal hobby, and I am sure glad to participate actively in it. So happy bitchin’ lads.

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