I hate themes, even though there appears to be a zombie theme, cheese news theme and stoopid people theme to all of my blogs. In my defense, zombies are awesome, cheese is the meaning of life and there are just so many ridiculously stupid people in this world, the majority of whom seem destined to cross my path.
I’ve already written a preliminary list of people I believe with every fibre of my being should immediately cease to exist. I think the rich and stupid version is long overdue.
Dear Satan…I mean Santa,
Please have the deer trample the following people:
- Tiger Woods – He’s an overpaid athlete who cheated on his wife. Big freakin’ deal!! This is a shock? A scandal? Who cares?? Stop freakin’ talking about him! He’s a moron who wasn’t smart enough to know that if you’re going to cheat, it should be with a very expensive escort who knows how to keep her mouth shut!
- Lindsay Lohan – After visiting India’s poor and sick, she is a changed woman. Do I care? No. Changed or the same, she’s just an idiot.
- Amy Winehouse – Do I need to go into details? Really?
- Megan Fox – Because you’ll never hear the words “…and the Oscar goes to” before her name, and I’m really sick and freakin’ tired of hearing her go on and on about being an actress. She was the set of fake boobs in Transformers. Please.
- Robert Pattinson – I am convinced he is as dull and boring as he keeps telling everyone. So what if he’s pretty? If his life is so mundane, he is expendable and can easily be replaced by another pretty face. Zombies would kick the crap outta vampires anyway.
I don’t want to be greedy, Santa, so I will just ask for those five. I have been a really good girl though. I’ve worked hard. I’ve studied. If you think I deserve it, throw Brangelina in there too. They used to be a guy who cheated on his wife and a woman who carried her husband’s blood in a vial around her throat and frenched her brother in front of millions, but now they have fused into one and are going to save the world. Uh-huh. Thanks Santa. Give my best to the missus.