Wavemakers Who Should NOT Resurface

Three days into 2010, and I am happy to say the following people-who-made-a-splash in 2009 have not yet made an appearance in the news:

Balloon Boy’s Parents – Unless you are a Quaker, or Amish, you already know about the Heene family and their attempt to be famous by faking their son’s accidental trans-county balloon flight until said prodigy outs the family’s fraudulent  story on national television. Public outrage ensued, the family is banned from making any money from the hoax for a measly 4 years.  My personal outrage ensues upon learning that these morons have named their children Falcon, Bradford and Ryo.

Heath & Deborah Campbell – Speaking of morons naming their children:  The Campbells named their son Adolf Hitler, and their two daughters JoyceLynn Aryan Nation and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie.  The children were taken away from them early in 2009.  Daddy Dearest complained about the care the kids were receiving while in protective custody.  Apparently, a leaking diaper and runny nose is outrageous.

OctomomNadya Suleman already had 6 children with no father, was unemployed and on welfare and when she had octuplets thanks to in-vitro fertilization.  The quack who implanted them has been expelled from the American Society for Reproductive Medicine.  Stupormom is doing a reality show airing in the UK, and while US networks aren’t in a hurry to pick up the programme, you know it’s only a matter of time.  I’m betting on FOX.

Pete Doherty – He is the singer/songwriter in the band Babyshambles, but has spent the better part of 2009 making headlines for his severe drug use, banging Kate Moss and singing the German national anthem including the original first verse, endorsed by the Nazis and banned since the second World War.  Honestly, celebrity drug use is old news, doing Kate Moss is hardly a challenge and the anthem gaffe could have been an honest mistake.  He’s really on this list because co-blogger Mike thinks he’s a douche.

Sarah Palin – She resigned as governor and wrote a book.  She wouldn’t definitively rule out running for president in 2012.  In 2009, a Gallup poll of Americans showed that she tied with Hillary Clinton as the most admired woman in the world. Really?  Politics aside, this is still the woman who can see Alaska from her backyard, hunts from a helicopter, and read um, every and all newspapers and magazines that um in Alaska they have um and were put in front of her um because they are a microcosm um and not um Russia.  Well, at least the end of the world in 2012 would have a silver lining.

Chrysler – They accepted tens of millions of bailout dollars to develop their hybrid line and then reneged and kept the cash.  They have a whopping 2 “green” models that get 3o mpg – highway mileage.  They suck.  I actually do want to hear about them in 2010.  I want to hear about how the government calls in their loans, bankrupts the company, sells off all their assets and gives the money back to taxpayers.  Did I mention that they suck?

Lady Gaga – She’s a he, he’s a she…who the hell cares??  Why is this news?  People like Boy George, Liberace, Elton John , David Bowie, Rue Paul, and Cher crossed gender boundaries while in the spotlight 20, 30 years ago!  For the love of cheese, it’s only put out 2 albums and yet it got more press than the war, the economy and health care combined!  Until it does something noteworthy, like discover the cure for stoopidity, I don’t want to hear about it.

Wow, this list is getting quite long, and I haven’t even mentioned Tiger Woods, Jon Gosselin, the iPhone or that Slap Chop idiot.  Well, unless the entire world has a zero-tolerance-for-stupidity resolution, I’m sure I’ll get to them in another post…..


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