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15 Random Thoughts

rodent1) My girlfriend is starting to move a little when we have sex…I even heard a little “humph” I think. You know what that means? Yeah baby, it means it’s almost spring!!!! Fuck that pawtuckett racoon or critter or whatever it is who predicts the weather!

2) Another sign that spring is coming: I had sex without socks. Sweeeet. Oh also my cat is fucking crazy all over the place.

3) Final sign that spring is ahead: I am actually having sex.

4) Remember the “sucking yo own cock”discussion? (how can you forget?). Anyway we were still laughing about it at work and then…you know there is ALWAYS somebody who doesn’t know when to shut up…anyway that guy says: “Yeah now we have to figure out the best way to finger our own ass!”. Total silence. I am pretty sure I saw a tumbleweed rolling by. The minute of silence was broken by a  “hey how about the game last nite, eh?”. Moral: know THE limits. Not YOUR limits, cause if you are fingering your asshole god only knows what your limits are. Brrrrrrr….

5) Had a staff meeting last week. First part was a presentation and course on how to paraphrase properly. I first interrupted the presentation: “ So if I understand you correctly we need to use phrases like so if I understand you correctly to properly paraphrase, right?”. Man that was the spark. Colleague: “so if I rephrase what Jepeto is trying to tell us is that if he understood you correctly we have to use phrases like so if I rephrase what you said or if I understand you correctly, or even in other words or from what I am understanding of what you are telling me about? …right?”. We interrupted the poor guy every minute or so. I think he lost 10 pounds just by sweating, but fuck it he deserved it, the prick! Teaching us about paraphrasing…asswipe.

6) I love team meetings! Second part with the boss…blahblahblah work ethics blahblah…absenteeism is on the rise…gotta check it case by case…and then a wise guy says what if I got Ebola…yep you guessed it, that was the spark. Talked 30 minutes about what disease is acceptable. Love my colleagues. The boss is cool though, no sweat.

7) I had a flashback of the first sentence we had to learn in english (I am french). My taylor is rich. We had to repeat it thousand of times. What the fuck does it mean? (even today they are teaching it in France).

8) If you are wondering why I fucking swear all the time, it’s Al Pacino and Robert de Niro’s faults, not Madame Connasse’s with her MY TAYLOR IS RICH.

9) My girlfriend writes my initials on my underwear.

10) My mom used to write my initials on my underwear.

11) I AM NO LONGER WEARING UNDERWEAR

12) Would you trust your financial advisor if her name was Tatiana Bitchakova? It’s a tough call. I mean she can be a mean bitch who takes advantage of poor people so you can have your wonderful 10% and more annual growth. Or she can just be a crazy bitch who’s gonna ruin you. No middle ground. Advice: CHANGE YOUR NAME WOMAN! Fucking retard. I don’t get these people. No business with me. No no.

13) I forgot to mention that we added a condition to our SYOC ( sucking yo own cock) palaver: to succeed you must also have at least a normal size penis. Damn you genetics, dammmmn you!

14) My loving half always cheers me up. She tells me I am the biggest prick she ever met. Thanks baby.

15) I almost forgot! I have to write a disclaimer thingy cause I mentioned some names. My sister is a lawyer. Alright:

Disclaimer

Hey it makes me think of Debaser, by The Pixies. Love that song. If you are a parent, you understand that at least once a week, you need to be alone in the house and crank up the volume to the max with a powerful song and go nuts naked. Debaser is one of mine. Hell, let’s listen to it…FULL VOLUME! GET NAKED!  Disclaimer can wait…

Holy shit that feels good. OK now the disclaimer.

 Disclaimer

This is my post. I can write whatever I like in it. If you think there is a chance that you recognize yourself in it, it is not my fault. Some events are fictional and all of them really happened. I can give you diarrhea if I like because I am the one writing and you are part of my universe. If you are angry because of it, well you are an asshole and go fuck yourself. If your name is Tatiana Bitchakova and you are an actual financial advisor and you haven’t changed your name already, you are an asshole. If you want to sue me, you really are an asshole. If you are a member of The Pixies and want to sue me because I am promoting your genius for free, you are a big, big asshole. If you are my girlfriend, your asshole is me. Well I think that covers everything. Ciao ciao now.

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  • Jen

    Let it all out Jepeto. I’m OTR too.
    .-= Jen´s last blog ..Blogs I Hate =-.

  • You know I rarely remember the disclaimer thingy. Except when I have a paid sponsored post, then they give you the disclaimer and tell you where to put it. I have no idea if I am breaking any cyber disclaimer laws or not. Maybe I will go back later to my blog and just put one giant Mea Culpa for any disclaimers I might have missed.

    Hey I just got an idea for a plugin. I will make an automatic disclaimer plugin and make millions. Just think of all the cheese I could buy then. Just no human cheese, I am still ill from that post 🙂

    Happy weekend!!
    .-= Man Over Board´s last blog ..Lady Gaga and Beyoncé “Telephone” =-.

  • Jepeto

    Jen – Excuse my lack of acronym knowledge, but i have no clue what OTR means. They should give us a course on them at work. For a brief moment i thought that OTR was a disease so I was happy to include it on my sick leave excuses. Anyway you mean that you are going commando? If yes, oh yeah!

    MOB – You can use my disclaimer, it’s free 🙂
    I agree that Mike and Nicky’s posts are funny as hell! I wanna thank them for letting me vent on their blog. Mammabrie for everybody!

  • Jepeto

    oooooo…mike told me what OTR is…yep, can’t put that on my disease list :-)(or can I? Will my boss buy it?)

  • Maybe if you’re girlfriend is reading this, she’ll start moving.

    Somehow I have a hunch the female orgasm is elusive in your relationship, and that it’s probably not your fault.
    .-= westwood´s last blog ..Thus spoke… Camus =-.

  • Jepeto

    Yes! Finally someone who understand that orgasms are elusive little bastards! I set up some snares in my house to catch one but my son got his fingers snapped. A person also told me that i have to lose the white sheet with a hole in it and then it’ll come. We waited all night and NOTHING!!! Elusive is an understatement. Please help me.

  • omg…how did I find your blog? However…I am laughing my ass off and wish I could stay longer but work calls….wouldn’t want to call off for any reason…even Ebola…
    .-= Terry´s last blog ..Confession Time =-.

  • YAY! here’s to spring and having sex without socks!
    .-= meleah rebeccah´s last blog ..Doing Things Differently™ – My Week In Review [Part Six] =-.

  • I have no idea how I got here in the first place, but I’m so glad I did! I always feel so “normal” after I read this blog! Thanks!

  • Terry – According to Jepeto, there were several other acceptable diseases like swine flu, gangrene, athlete’s foot, unmentionable fungus…not that we are encouraging slackers at WWFC. We’re just saying…

    Meleah – It would seem Jepeto is also DTD 🙂

    Linda – You’re welcome. We aim to please!

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  • Sam

    Who knew I could laugh so hard reading a blog…

  • We’re not just any blog Sam!

  • Pingback: We Work For Cheese » Blog Archive Love For My Fellow Bloggers In A Totally Non-Slutty Way »()

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