Stupid People

Cheap Date Lookin’ For Sugar Daddy

I’ve been working like a fool and it finally caught up with me: First cold in 2 years. Obviously I do not have kids 😉

For some reason, as I sat here drinking litres of Green Tea, I started thinking back to some of the terrible dates I’ve been on in my life. One in particular always floats to the top of the pack because it was just so weird and surreal.

Years and years ago, I tried out one of those telephone dating services. A friend had recommended it, and like Internet dating, you never know who you’re going to meet. The difference of course, is that with telephone dating, you don’t have a picture to start with, which was fine because I’m an optimist. I give people the benefit of the doubt. Personality can in fact be as alluring as the physical. Right? RIGHT.

But the conversation flowed, so we were good on personality. We had common interests. We spoke for hours on a few occasions and decided to meet for coffee soon after. The location was her choice.

She chose a Tim Horton’s which was the first alarm bell for me. I know. How Canadian. Fine, I thought. Public place, well lit, terrible coffee. At least we had conversation. I was so naive.

The person I met was not the person I spoke to on the phone. It was her, but the illusion was completely shattered in every way.

Have you ever seen that Simpsons episode called “Marge On The Lam”, where Homer hears Chief Wiggum describe one of the suspects that they’re chasing? Wiggum says, “One is wearing a green dress, pearls, and has a lot of blue hair.” Not recognizing Marge in the description, Homer laughs from the backseat of the police cruiser and says, “hee hee…what a freak!” and imagines this:

What a freak simpsons

Well my date didn’t look QUITE like that, but didn’t look like anything I had imagined. Typical dating misconception.

So the physical attraction wasn’t there for me. Mysteriously, all of the conversational skills that she displayed on the phone were gone too. I started conversations, and the topics were met with blank stares. She asked me if there were any Tim Horton’s in my neighborhood.

It happens. Sometimes it’s due to the nerves of dating, but what it always comes down to is, if it doesn’t click, it doesn’t click.

As we wrapped it up (after a mere 20 minutes), she asked me if I wanted to take a walk around the block. Sure, what the hell. It was summer, and the weather was nice. It was still early evening and the sun hadn’t completely set. Then she laid it on me:

“Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.”
“Can I borrow 20 bucks?”
“What?”
“I need 20 bucks. Don’t worry. I’m good for it”

I really didn’t know what to say, but I closed off the date with “Sorry, it’s a really tough month. My hands are tied.”  I think I may have touched my wrists together to illustrate my point.

And we’ve been together ever since.

Just kidding. I have wondered over the years about what the plan was  exactly. Was it the old, Fleece Men Out Of 20 Bucks Scheme,  one crappy date at a time? Worst get rich scheme ever.

Seriously though, I’m sure this was tame compared to some of the crap that can go down when you meet a stranger for the first time. What were some of your weirdest dating experiences?

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  • I don’t honestly remember. I think I’ve blanked them out. I have a general feelings of nausea when I think about dating, so they must’ve sucked scissors. Maybe that’s why I quit doing it. It just all seems like an awful lot of effort when I could be home eating cheese.
    .-= injaynesworld´s last blog ..injaynesworld much has been made of "My Ass…" =-.

  • Oh Gawd that had to been one of the worst dates I have ever heard, although I am sure there are much more disastrous first dates to be sure. But seeing how each day that goes by I feel as though you are both my friends (it’s funny how blogging does make strangers into friends so easily, I can actually picture the date you mentioned in my mind.

    I mean why would she spend the time on the phone to get to know you, then act so completely different in person. It seems as though you didn’t come right out and say hey your butt ugly and where is the person I have been talking to on the phone. But the nerve of her to ask you for money???? Weird.

    I have a good friend who did the Match.com service and this is the truth. They met for the first time at the bar and the picture he sent her was nothing like what he looked like in person, why do people do that? I mean what sense does it make at ALL? But to top it off, the guy turned out to be a little person, she said he couldn’t have been taller then 4’6″. She then preceded to excuse herself to go to the bathroom and booked out of the bar as fast as she could.

    She felt she was wrong in doing that and I told her, not at all. The guy lied not only about his picture, but also omitting the fact he could have been put into her pocketbook also. I think she could have been much more rude to him and tell him off. But then that’s me.

    The weirdest date I went on, was also from good old Match.com, and we have been married now for 4 years, go figure, he he
    .-= Man Over Board´s last blog ..The Dems Finally Shoved It UP The Republicans Ass =-.

  • LOL just read Jaynes comment, yes I forgot to mention anything about cheese in my post, my bad.
    .-= Man Over Board´s last blog ..The Dems Finally Shoved It UP The Republicans Ass =-.

  • Pingback: Tweets that mention We Work For Cheese » Blog Archive » Cheap Date Lookin’ For Sugar Daddy -- Topsy.com()

  • mike

    Jayne – Cheese alone is the ideal date. It doesn’t try to be anything else than what it is, and it won’t try to mooch 20 bucks.

    Glenn – People omit details about their appearance all the time, but that’s ridiculous. Also, you are under no obligation to mention cheese when you visit us, but it’s funny that you felt the need to 😀 Thanks for the kind words. We’re enjoying getting to know you through your blog as well!

  • mike

    Jayne – Cheese alone is the ideal date. It doesn’t try to be anything else than what it is, and it won’t try to mooch 20 bucks.

    Glenn – People omit details about their appearance all the time, but that’s ridiculous. Also, you are under no obligation to mention cheese when you visit us, but it’s funny that you felt the need to 😀 Thanks for the kind words. We’re enjoying getting to know you through your blog as well!

  • The cheese stands alone.. the cheese stands alone… Hi ho the cherry o the cheese stands alone.

    Can I have $20 bucks please… I need to buy some um coffee.

    Ooh coffee! Not probably my suckiest… and I was young and married young and well so I never dated too much. But I had.. never mind it’s not funny.
    .-= Alison´s last blog ..Community Coffee’s Tea Review and Giveaway for Mother’s Day! =-.

  • The cheese stands alone.. the cheese stands alone… Hi ho the cherry o the cheese stands alone.

    Can I have $20 bucks please… I need to buy some um coffee.

    Ooh coffee! Not probably my suckiest… and I was young and married young and well so I never dated too much. But I had.. never mind it’s not funny.
    .-= Alison´s last blog ..Community Coffee’s Tea Review and Giveaway for Mother’s Day! =-.

  • I’ve had some pretty BAD dates in my day, but asking someone for 20 bucks is just absolutely CRAZY!
    .-= meleah rebeccah´s last blog ..‘Doing Things Differently™’ – My Week In Review [Part Eight] =-.

  • PS: Feel better soon!
    .-= meleah rebeccah´s last blog ..‘Doing Things Differently™’ – My Week In Review [Part Eight] =-.

  • PS: Feel better soon!
    .-= meleah rebeccah´s last blog ..‘Doing Things Differently™’ – My Week In Review [Part Eight] =-.

  • mike

    Alison – Somehow I’d feel more comfortable lending 20$ to one of our fellow bloggers. But don’t take me up on that. Just saying.

    Meleah – Yep, it was lunacy. I remember thinking at the time that I had at least gained a good story to tell. Thanks for the get well wishes! It is now a full-on kleenex-fest :/

  • I have had more than a few bad dates. Some were not even my fault! I met a moving guy (from a moving company) in my apt building several (a lot of) years ago. He was a former middle weight fighter and kind of cute. When he asked me out I said okay. He looked great in his workman’s clothes with muscles etc. Not so great when he picked me up drunk an hour late wearing a suit that must have belong to his much smaller and shorter brother. No big deal. The only big deal was the being drunker than a lord, and trying to have his way with me whether I was interested or not. Hmm. This was one of my better dates. My advise, Mike dear, is think about the priesthood. It’s not too late. It may be a cheezy solution, but hey! I do my best!

  • Great story! A little sad, though. 😉

    My weirdest date: I asked a girl to go with me to the Oct. 31st Halloween Black Sabbath concert in Denver. A rare night it would’ve been, if her father hadn’t dragged me outside and encouraged me to screw every girl I knew–except his daughter. If I so much as touched his daughter, he swore he’d break every bone in my body using the training he’d used in ‘Nam.

    I still have those tickets.

    And the girl got pregnant a year later, just after her 16th birthday. I never met her boyfriend, and I still wonder if he’s still alive.
    .-= MikeWJ at TooManyMornings´s last blog ..Ninety-Nine Miles From LA =-.

  • mike

    Linda – You’re right, that sounds like a more comical date than a terrible one. And no, the priesthood is not an option…hahaha 🙂

    Mike – Wow…makes me wonder what’s scarier: Sabbath on Halloween, or Vietnam Vet Dad. My money is on ‘Nam Dad.

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