Cheese In The News – Vol. 8

empty plateGear up for mass listeria, folks!

Silani Sweet Cheese Ltd. of Ontario is voluntarily recalling their Silani brand mozzarella. So far, nobody’s gotten sick, or died, or sued. The Canadian Food Inspection Agency said “The contaminated cheese may not look or smell spoiled, but it may look or smell like a Toyota.”


Turns out cheese is poplular among junkie crack ‘hos…who knew?

A 61-yr. old Texas grandmother was sentenced this week to almost six years in prison for selling drugs, including “cheese” heroin. I initially thought that meant she was lacing actual cheese with heroin. Then I wondered if we could score some for our next cheese review. Turns out, cheese heroin is really ground heroin mixed with an over-the-counter sleep aid. Oh well, guess we’ll just have to review a boring non-hallucenogenic garden-variety cheese. Sigh. Granny also got busted with 8 guns. I was going to work in a “Kill Granny” reference here, but then I read a couple of the article’s comments that baffled me. The first was “One less voter for the Dems”. Huh? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure that drug pushing, gun-toting grannies are not tearing themselves away from their meth labs to vote. For anyone. You stoopid moron. The other comment was by an outraged citizen who whined that his best friend got 8 years and only had 2 guns and meth and cash. It’s so unfair. Anyone want to start a petition?

That is some cheesey shit.

Via Cheese, LLC of Swanton, Vermont has settled with the Department of Environmental Conservation’s Compliance and Enforcement Division (DEC) and will pony up $10,000 in fines. It would seem the company was taking an unauthorized dump in the wrong place. Via Cheese unloaded waste whey and process waste water into a manure pit. The DEC was called in as a result of a citizen complaint that Via didn’t flush.

Please join us for a moment of silence while we remember the cheese.

A semitrailer loaded with cheese crashed and burned in Minnesota this week. The truck crossed four lanes of traffic on Interstate 90, crashed into a county road bridge, rolled down into an embankment and caught fire. The truck driver escaped, but suffered serious injuries. None of the cheese survived. The families of the cheese ask that you not send flowers, but instead make a donation to WWFC instead. Really.

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