Good Kitty, Bad Kitty

Back in September when I moved into my place, a friend of mine gave me some tulip bulbs as a housewarming gift. I’ve never had my own green space before, so like a good urban gardener, I planted them.

Winter came and went, and with the arrival of spring, I was curious to see if they actually worked. They did. Leaves sprouted, which only meant that tulips were imminent.

I called a friend.

“I can’t wait to see my tulips!”
“Well, just look in the mirror!”

haha (tulips…two lips…get it?!)

Well the flowers actually showed up over the last week or so.  I checked on their progress this morning and ….what in the hell happened to them?! The three tulips that once stood so proud had been systematically dismantled.


By who?

I ruined your stupid flowers. Now I’m gonna roll around in the dirt to celebrate. Meow.

By this motherfucker that’s who.

I saw this cat last fall. This cat is extremely friendly. This cat thinks that it can do whatever it wants because it’s cute and it knows it. The first thing it did when I went out to survey the damage was paw my legs and purr happily. Then it took a crap in my bushes.

Real fucking cute. Maybe it would have been if it crapped out an explosion of yellow tulip petals, but it didn’t even bother eating any of them. Destruction without purpose is this cat’s game.

Still, I’m totally a cat person, so I couldn’t resist playing with Little Miss Flower Killer for awhile.

“Who’s a bad kitty? Oh yes you are. Did you destroy Mike’s stupid flowers? Yes you did! Purr purr. Meow. Rrreow…meow…rrrroww?…purr.”

I checked its tag and there was no name. She was vaccinated at least. Then she rolled around in the dirt some more before running inside to scope out my place, hide behind the couch, look in the bathroom, and smell my shoes.

Kinda made me miss having a cat, but not too much.

I crapped in your bushes too. Can I come in and piss on something?

I crapped in your bushes too. Meow. Can I come in and piss on something?

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