Life

Raindrops On Roses Suck…

…monster moose cocks! (Warning: this blog will contain coarse fucking language. Lots of it.)

Ok, I was going to be all serious and shit about how life has been extremely crazy the last few weeks and how I’ve been dealing with huge stress at work. I was going to write about ways to effectively manage stress.

Fuck that.

I have been in one of two moods over the past month: pissy or pissier. I’ve had a tough time being inspired to write, and an even tougher time actually writing when I’ve managed to find inspiration. I wasn’t even enjoying reading my favorite blogs as much. And that sucks. ‘Cause you guys are awesome. You know who you are.

I tried a few things to relax. Drinking. Sex. Devouring ridiculous amounts of chocolate. Nothing was working. The last straw was Tuesday. Lost was on. I found myself watching it with a grim determination to enjoy it. Fucked up, right? I decided then and there, enough was enough.

When life is total shit and I can’t even enjoy reading, writing and Lost, I know it is time to bring out the big guns.

leopard shoes

These are my favourite shoes. I wear them two, maybe three times a year. They are my “do NOT fuck with me” shoes, because in these shoes, I CAN and WILL make you cry. They are NOT to be taken lightly.  They make me feel tall, sexy and most importantly, like I can KICK ANYONE’S ASS.

What are your favourite things?

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  • Linda Medrano

    OMG! Girl! I have those shoes! And there ain’t nuthin; that works better than a pair of power shoes! I wear heels all the time. (Like most Latina women, I am fairly short!) When I rock the leopard bad boys I feel like I rule the world. “Dealin’ with dildo’s all day long, your leopard shoes won’t do you wrong…” Okay! Enough said. I am empowered! Thanks you! Thank you! Thank you!

  • OMG! Girl! I have those shoes! And there ain’t nuthin; that works better than a pair of power shoes! I wear heels all the time. (Like most Latina women, I am fairly short!) When I rock the leopard bad boys I feel like I rule the world. “Dealin’ with dildo’s all day long, your leopard shoes won’t do you wrong…” Okay! Enough said. I am empowered! Thanks you! Thank you! Thank you!

  • “because in these shoes, I CAN and WILL make you cry” Holy crap I don’t doubt it! They’re awesome. Stylish and suitable for stabbing someone in the eye if you have to.

    Hope you get your mojo back soon. I’ve been there myself too many times to count.

  • “because in these shoes, I CAN and WILL make you cry” Holy crap I don’t doubt it! They’re awesome. Stylish and suitable for stabbing someone in the eye if you have to.

    Hope you get your mojo back soon. I’ve been there myself too many times to count.

  • those shoes are seriously fucking HOTNESS and I love em! I have been quite pissy these days too. I feel you!
    .-= meleah rebeccah´s last blog ..Doing Things Differently™ – My Week In Review [Part Nine] =-.

  • those shoes are seriously fucking HOTNESS and I love em! I have been quite pissy these days too. I feel you!
    .-= meleah rebeccah´s last blog ..Doing Things Differently™ – My Week In Review [Part Nine] =-.

  • Those are some fucking amazing shoes. If I share my recipe for Chernobyl Chicken, can I borrow your shoes to kick some ass? Pretty please? Although, I’m 5’1 and the heel on those is probably as tall as I am, so I’m not sure I could actually walk in them. But that’s okay, all I’d really have to do is sit still and look and feel gorgeous. I hope the shoes helped and you’re starting to feel better soon!

    Regarding my favorite things to make me feel good about myself… Shoes is definitely one. Mascara is another.
    .-= Ziva´s last blog ..That Goose Is Gorgeous =-.

  • I can’t totally relate to wearing 6-inch leopard spikes as a stress reliever. Really, I can’t. Not even when my wife’s out of town and I’m alone in the house with her underthings, I swear. And, no that’s not me in those photos on the Internet. Really, it’s not. It’s weird, I know, but he just sorta looks like me.

    I can relate to having two moods, however–pissy and pissier. I would say that on most days I’m just pissy, but on some days, I’m pissier. It’s those days that you want to watch yourself if you’re around me, because I might lose it, say something rude to an angry woman wearing 6-inch leopard spikes and get my ass kicked. And I hate it when that happens.

    Oh, I just realized I didn’t answer your question. My favorite things are chocolate ice cream, underpants, long moon-lit romantic walks on the beach, movies and Kansas City-style barbequed ribs. Those are the things that come to mind right now, at least. There might be some other things on my list. I have a lot of favorite things. A lot. Honestly, I think you might need to narrow down the question a bit. But don’t let me bother you about. I don’t want to get kicked in the nuts with those heels. Or any other footwear, for that matter.
    .-= MikeWJ at TooManyMornings´s last blog ..Blogger Q & A: Why I Call Myself MikeWJ =-.

  • Those shoes are to die for. I would totally give you the right-of-way wearing those babies. For me it’s my riding boots — with the spurs. You never want to mess with a lady who’s wearing spurs either.

    Now pour yourself a glass of really good wine and grab a hunk of Cotswold. Works for me every time.
    .-= injaynesworld´s last blog ..injaynesworld we ask "What Would John Lennon Say..?" =-.

  • Linda – Somehow, I knew you would have a pair like ’em! I really think we are related 🙂 Empowered is the perfect word to describe the feeling when you slip those babies on!

    Kathy – They are awesome, aren’t they! And deadly. That’s why I love them. I did finally get my mojo back, thank you. The combination of those shoes, swearing profusely, and the group love for my shoes absolutely did the trick!

    Meleah – When I come over, I’ll bring them with me 🙂 So you feel it too? Maybe we caught a virus in the blogosphere? Sigh, bad joke. Couldn’t resist – sorry.

    Ziva – I will let you borrow them if you don’t give me the recipe for Chernobyl Chicken! No wearing them in the sauna though! BTW, those are 5 inch heels, not quite as tall as you. Thanks for sharing your favourite things.

  • Jen

    I have that same pair of shoes and they make me feel the same way. I could totally take anyone and whup their ass. I hope you are feeling less pissy, have you read Sheila’s post about pissing? It’s pretty funny, might make you feel better.
    .-= Jen´s last blog ..Good Customer Service =-.

  • Jen

    I have that same pair of shoes and they make me feel the same way. I could totally take anyone and whup their ass. I hope you are feeling less pissy, have you read Sheila’s post about pissing? It’s pretty funny, might make you feel better.
    .-= Jen´s last blog ..Good Customer Service =-.

  • Mike – You. Freak. I would never kick you. I believe you would kick back.

    Jayne – Spurs, you wild woman! What a brilliant idea! And you’re right (or is that left? 🙂 ), you can never go wrong with wine and cheese, especially Cotswold.

  • Mike – You. Freak. I would never kick you. I believe you would kick back.

    Jayne – Spurs, you wild woman! What a brilliant idea! And you’re right (or is that left? 🙂 ), you can never go wrong with wine and cheese, especially Cotswold.

  • Jen – They are the bomb, aren’t they? Thanks, I am feeling better. I haven’t read Sheila’s post, but I will check it out.

  • Jen – They are the bomb, aren’t they? Thanks, I am feeling better. I haven’t read Sheila’s post, but I will check it out.

  • Okay, just to prove I’m not actually a freak, and since I’m the only one wearing a penis here, as usual (why is blogging woman-dominated?), I’ll try to get real here for a minute. Enjoy it, because it doesn’t last.

    Men assume that when a woman wears extreme heels like these–especially if they’re bright red or leopard skin–that she’s advertising her wares. That she’s not just trying to look sexy, she’s trying to get laid. Twice. And in a way that most hometown girls won’t even consider.

    But I’ve learned a valuable lesson by reading this post: That women who are wearing these shoes aren’t necessarily feeling, uhmmm, seductive and trying to look available, they just might be really pissed off, feeling powerful and looking to prove it by kicking somebody in the nuts.

    It doesn’t matter much to me, of course. As regular readers of my blog know, I’ve been happily married for almost 31 years now to the same woman, I’ve never cheated on her and I don’t think I would, although it probably doesn’t hurt for her to keep a watchful eye on me because, as I mentioned earlier, I’m wearing a penis and they’re notoriously unreliable pieces of equipment, and in more ways than one.

    But I think other men, especially single men who are in the market for a mate or a spouse, might want–even need–to know this information. I think all ya all ought to re-post this on your own blogs as a public service that could keep many a scrotum from being split in two by a sexy-looking but fully enraged bitch.
    .-= MikeWJ at TooManyMornings´s last blog ..Blogger Q & A: Why I Call Myself MikeWJ =-.

  • Okay, just to prove I’m not actually a freak, and since I’m the only one wearing a penis here, as usual (why is blogging woman-dominated?), I’ll try to get real here for a minute. Enjoy it, because it doesn’t last.

    Men assume that when a woman wears extreme heels like these–especially if they’re bright red or leopard skin–that she’s advertising her wares. That she’s not just trying to look sexy, she’s trying to get laid. Twice. And in a way that most hometown girls won’t even consider.

    But I’ve learned a valuable lesson by reading this post: That women who are wearing these shoes aren’t necessarily feeling, uhmmm, seductive and trying to look available, they just might be really pissed off, feeling powerful and looking to prove it by kicking somebody in the nuts.

    It doesn’t matter much to me, of course. As regular readers of my blog know, I’ve been happily married for almost 31 years now to the same woman, I’ve never cheated on her and I don’t think I would, although it probably doesn’t hurt for her to keep a watchful eye on me because, as I mentioned earlier, I’m wearing a penis and they’re notoriously unreliable pieces of equipment, and in more ways than one.

    But I think other men, especially single men who are in the market for a mate or a spouse, might want–even need–to know this information. I think all ya all ought to re-post this on your own blogs as a public service that could keep many a scrotum from being split in two by a sexy-looking but fully enraged bitch.
    .-= MikeWJ at TooManyMornings´s last blog ..Blogger Q & A: Why I Call Myself MikeWJ =-.

  • Ok, Mike, I’ll be serious for a change too. Some women do wear them to get laid, twice, in ways that are illegal in some states. And there are probably some women who are angry and wear them with the intent to maim. I think, though, that most women wear them when they feel like I was feeling: small and powerless, with the weight of the world slowly crushing you down. Yes, the shoes garnered me attention. I needed it because I was starting to feel invisible. Wearing those shoes, I am 5’9″. They are literally an instant “pick me up”.

    I think it is awesome that you have been married for 31 years. Not many people can say that these days.

    And I think you forget that I share blog space with not one, but two penises. 🙂

  • Ok, Mike, I’ll be serious for a change too. Some women do wear them to get laid, twice, in ways that are illegal in some states. And there are probably some women who are angry and wear them with the intent to maim. I think, though, that most women wear them when they feel like I was feeling: small and powerless, with the weight of the world slowly crushing you down. Yes, the shoes garnered me attention. I needed it because I was starting to feel invisible. Wearing those shoes, I am 5’9″. They are literally an instant “pick me up”.

    I think it is awesome that you have been married for 31 years. Not many people can say that these days.

    And I think you forget that I share blog space with not one, but two penises. 🙂

  • Two penises? Yes, I forgot because I’m an idiot (and relatively new to your blog). I’m surprised you’re not blind, or that you can get a word in edgewise. I’m not sure you need the penises, to be honest, but what an interesting concept: a three-way blog. This is a first for me.

    I honestly had no idea that women wear these shoes for that reason. I thought women wore clunky boot-type shoes for that reason. I guess I’m ignorant because my wife’s not a heels woman, even though she’s just 5 foot tall, and it’s just never come up in any conversation I’ve had with a woman.

    But here’s what interests me most. Why are you feeling small and powerless? I feel bad for you. Really. That’s not good.
    .-= MikeWJ at TooManyMornings´s last blog ..Blogger Q & A: Why I Call Myself MikeWJ =-.

  • Two penises? Yes, I forgot because I’m an idiot (and relatively new to your blog). I’m surprised you’re not blind, or that you can get a word in edgewise. I’m not sure you need the penises, to be honest, but what an interesting concept: a three-way blog. This is a first for me.

    I honestly had no idea that women wear these shoes for that reason. I thought women wore clunky boot-type shoes for that reason. I guess I’m ignorant because my wife’s not a heels woman, even though she’s just 5 foot tall, and it’s just never come up in any conversation I’ve had with a woman.

    But here’s what interests me most. Why are you feeling small and powerless? I feel bad for you. Really. That’s not good.
    .-= MikeWJ at TooManyMornings´s last blog ..Blogger Q & A: Why I Call Myself MikeWJ =-.

  • I’m certain that every woman feels small and powerless sometimes. I’m sure men can feel small and powerless as well, but nevertheless, women can’t look down and say “at least I have a penis” and make it all better. 😉 When I’m feeling small, powerless and invisible, I do like Nicky. I dress to impress. High heels, an extra coat of mascara, that sort of thing. When I do it, I’m not looking for sex, and I obviously don’t literally want to kick some ass, but I want to show everyone that I am still here. I want them to look at me, and to acknowledge me. When I’m turning heads, I feel powerful. I don’t actually need all that stuff to get laid, men are easy (women take a little more finesse, but it can be done). And what’s most important, I don’t do it just for the men. Men might look at me and find me sexy, but women will also look at me. While men might think I’m out to get laid in every which way, women see more. Women see a powerful woman who can get whatever she wants and isn’t afraid to do it.

    Sorry to butt in on your conversation, by the way.
    .-= Ziva´s last blog ..That Goose Is Gorgeous =-.

  • I’m certain that every woman feels small and powerless sometimes. I’m sure men can feel small and powerless as well, but nevertheless, women can’t look down and say “at least I have a penis” and make it all better. 😉 When I’m feeling small, powerless and invisible, I do like Nicky. I dress to impress. High heels, an extra coat of mascara, that sort of thing. When I do it, I’m not looking for sex, and I obviously don’t literally want to kick some ass, but I want to show everyone that I am still here. I want them to look at me, and to acknowledge me. When I’m turning heads, I feel powerful. I don’t actually need all that stuff to get laid, men are easy (women take a little more finesse, but it can be done). And what’s most important, I don’t do it just for the men. Men might look at me and find me sexy, but women will also look at me. While men might think I’m out to get laid in every which way, women see more. Women see a powerful woman who can get whatever she wants and isn’t afraid to do it.

    Sorry to butt in on your conversation, by the way.
    .-= Ziva´s last blog ..That Goose Is Gorgeous =-.

  • Mike – I’ve been feeling small and powerless because of my job. There is a lot of pressure, lots of deadlines, and lots of people I end up waiting on in order to accomplish my projects. Waiting on them delays my work and frustrates me. In a perfect world, I would make all decisions and people would just shut up and do what I say. 🙂 I eventually get over it, but for a while, it gets me down. I think this is true for most people. And everyone handles it differently. For your wife, it may not be shoes but it may be a “power suit” or meditation. For you, chocolate ice cream and underpants. For me, it is those shoes.

    I forgot that you’re new here! I live with 4 men (I have 3 sons)and I was the only girl in my family, so I am, and always have been, literally and “virtually” surrounded by penises! It may explain some of my attitude. 🙂

    Ziva – You are so right about the differences between what men and women see and also about women not needing leopard shoes to get laid! Please do not apologize for “butting in”. I absolutely LOVE it when discussions ensue between commentors!
    .-= Nicky´s last blog ..Raindrops On Roses Suck… =-.

  • Mike – I’ve been feeling small and powerless because of my job. There is a lot of pressure, lots of deadlines, and lots of people I end up waiting on in order to accomplish my projects. Waiting on them delays my work and frustrates me. In a perfect world, I would make all decisions and people would just shut up and do what I say. 🙂 I eventually get over it, but for a while, it gets me down. I think this is true for most people. And everyone handles it differently. For your wife, it may not be shoes but it may be a “power suit” or meditation. For you, chocolate ice cream and underpants. For me, it is those shoes.

    I forgot that you’re new here! I live with 4 men (I have 3 sons)and I was the only girl in my family, so I am, and always have been, literally and “virtually” surrounded by penises! It may explain some of my attitude. 🙂

    Ziva – You are so right about the differences between what men and women see and also about women not needing leopard shoes to get laid! Please do not apologize for “butting in”. I absolutely LOVE it when discussions ensue between commentors!
    .-= Nicky´s last blog ..Raindrops On Roses Suck… =-.

  • LOVE THEM! I would shoot my eye out with those. I’d be better off wearing a man’s cup then those shoes… bad ass but safer. No wait. That would be gross. But it WOULD be safer. OK, forget the cup.

    I hope you find a way out of this mood – I hate it when it gets that way… nothing helps. And I don’t have a pair of shoes like those. Glad you do for sure.

    Oh, and I had to temporarily allow your site on the living room pc… you used naughty languate and the barking dog security guy did NOT like it and barked at you. Fortunately I know the password and got to see your shoes.
    .-= Katherine´s last blog ..Time for the 2010 Ultimate Blog Party =-.

  • Katherine – A man’s cup? Um….really? I wish I could forget 🙂
    My mood is already lifted, and a big part of it is because of all the comments I got from this post. I got more support here than from my 24-hr bra! (is that TMI?)
    I try really hard not to swear in my posts, because in real life, I have quite the potty mouth. Apologize and pet the dog for me. Let him know I promise to tone it down until my next meltdown! 🙂

  • “In a perfect world, I would make all decisions and people would just shut up and do what I say.”

    And I wish I could live there in that world with you, Nicky. I often feel small, too (insert your own joke here). Work has a way of doing it, unless you’re the Supreme Boss, of course, but so do a lot of other things, including family members. Men are just like women in feeling small, although perhaps less often because I think they still have an edge in most workplaces. When we do feel small, we don’t usually put on high heels. Usually. But, often, that’s when we start doing stupid stuff–picking fights, driving too fast, hogging the remote.

    What you and Ziva are saying, and the other commentors are implying, feels like a new idea to me, at least in the way you’re explaining it. I know women use their beauty and sexuality to get power over men, of course, but as Ziva says, men are easy in that area. What I didn’t realize is that they dress up to show the world they’re powerful. That dressing up could be an expression of a lack of confidence and of anger, which is often the initial and most primal manisfestation of hurt feelings in both women and men (and children).

    Speaking of hurt feelings, I don’t think I’d want to be surrounded by penises all day. Just the image of that is frightening. I guess it’d be warm, though.
    .-= MikeWJ at TooManyMornings´s last blog ..What I’m Going To Tell The Aliens About Peanuts And Time When They Come Looking For Stephen Hawking In Their Spaceships =-.

  • P.S. — I’m enjoying this exchange. Thank you for bringing it up (insert your own joke here).
    .-= MikeWJ at TooManyMornings´s last blog ..What I’m Going To Tell The Aliens About Peanuts And Time When They Come Looking For Stephen Hawking In Their Spaceships =-.

  • Mike – I love the direction these comments are going in. They have proven more effective than the shoes in lifting my mood! I’m glad you’re enjoying it too, and that it gave you a new way to look at things! I think your analysis is exactly right. As for the men in my life, I adore them all and couldn’t live without them. Being the only girl just means that I am always the queen of my castle. It also means that my “throne” is always in the upright position. 🙂

    Oh, and living with all these men has taught me you never make fun of the penis, even when given the (insert your own joke here) permission!

  • Mike – I love the direction these comments are going in. They have proven more effective than the shoes in lifting my mood! I’m glad you’re enjoying it too, and that it gave you a new way to look at things! I think your analysis is exactly right. As for the men in my life, I adore them all and couldn’t live without them. Being the only girl just means that I am always the queen of my castle. It also means that my “throne” is always in the upright position. 🙂

    Oh, and living with all these men has taught me you never make fun of the penis, even when given the (insert your own joke here) permission!

  • Oh, I’m glad to hear that they’re lifting your spirits. Not to worry, though, tomorrow’s another work day. Plenty of time there to feel like you’ve been kicked in the teeth again. 😉
    .-= MikeWJ at TooManyMornings´s last blog ..What I’m Going To Tell The Aliens About Peanuts And Time When They Come Looking For Stephen Hawking In Their Spaceships =-.

  • Oh, I’m glad to hear that they’re lifting your spirits. Not to worry, though, tomorrow’s another work day. Plenty of time there to feel like you’ve been kicked in the teeth again. 😉
    .-= MikeWJ at TooManyMornings´s last blog ..What I’m Going To Tell The Aliens About Peanuts And Time When They Come Looking For Stephen Hawking In Their Spaceships =-.

  • My only way of dealing with stress is to go out and hide in the forest. It’s the only way to get away with anyone who might annoy me. It doesn’t always work, but it’s pretty good. I hope your way works for you.
    .-= Ratty´s last blog ..Red-Winged Blackbird =-.

  • Peg

    Those are definately Kick Ass shoes!

  • Welcome Peg, and thanks!

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  • Anonymous

    Well, it appears to have taken a year but your pissy and pissier mood found me! I don’t have any kick ass shoes though. Thanks for sharing the idea. Maybe I should go shopping but it usually puts me in a pissy mood so that not work. My dr. yesterday got the pissier side and is probably really glad I didn’t have a pair of kick at shoes because he would have found them so far up his ass…well, you get the picture. 🙂

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