Entertainment

“There Are Lies, Damned Lies And Statistics”

At least, that’s what Mark Twain said. And who are we to argue?

Mike, Jepeto and I were invited to participate in a funny little meme about lying. The way it works is you have to tell 6 outrageous lies about yourself and 1 outrageous truth, or vice versa, 6 outrageous truths and 1 outrageous lie. The meme is tied to an award, which I’m going to say we were given, even though technically we weren’t. Jepeto was. But since he’s a guest-blogger, what’s his is ours.  And Mike says he is going to post it on the awards page he is working very hard at building. (That does not count as one of Mike’s lies, although I’m pretty sure it is one. A big one.) In any case here are our lies and our truths. Enjoy!

Nicky:

  1. I started smoking when I was 11 years old.
  2. I have multiple tattoos
  3. I gained 65 lbs during my last pregnancy
  4. I foiled a home invasion by pulling a professional-grade butcher knife on the would-be robber
  5. I was held up at gunpoint
  6. I stop time
  7. I was in a bar brawl, from which I was literally picked up and thrown out by the bouncer.

Jepeto:

  1. I first had sex at the age of 18. That’s outrageous.
  2. I saw a real zombie.
  3. I once shit my pants on my way to a date.
  4. I cherry-bombed a toilet in school and it broke the entire drainage system.
  5. I was almost born in the USSR during the cold war.
  6. I pooed with my colleague at work and we talked about texture.
  7. I have a little tail (get your minds out of the gutter!)

Mike:

  1. I once jammed with Bon Jovi
  2. My favourite movie is “The Little Mermaid
  3. I once thwarted a Slovakian mugger on a train with a banana.
  4. I have an extraneous third nipple
  5. I got lost on a hike in Maine and nearly made it all the way back to Quebec, but got turned around by a bear that was stalking me.
  6. My mom craved mushrooms when she was pregnant with me. That’s how I got my name. Mike is actually short for Mycophagous.
  7. I really don’t like cheese. At all.

There you have it. Which ones are true? We’ll never tell. It’s all part of our evil plot to take over the world by driving you all mad with suspense…mwahahahahahaha! Ok, fine. We’ll tell all exactly one week from today.

And since the title of this post mentions statistics, I thought you might enjoy some WWFC stats. So, for your reading pleasure, I give you our most interesting facts and figures:

  • Number of posts, including this one – 99
  • Number of times we’ve used the following words (in posts & comments):
  • Cheese – I stopped counting after 250
  • Fuck (and variations including Fuckbook and motherfucker) – 71
  • Penis – 27
  • Ass – 25
  • Sex (and variations)  – 25
  • Monster moose cocks – 14
  • Cornhole(s) – 12
  • Crack(s) – 9
  • Beaver(s) – 7
  • Whip(ping) cream – 7
  • Porn – 6
  • Teabagging – 4
  • Slutty – 4
  • Whore – 3
  • Threesome – 2
  • Virgins – 2
  • Orgy – 1
  • Number of links to porn – 1

Yes, our families are so proud. Well, looking at these numbers has really got me thinking. Why on earth don’t we get more porn traffic?!

###

I mentioned above that this is our 99th post. Well, we’ve decided to do something special for our 100th! Something we’ve never done before. I’d like to invite you all over on Sunday (and feel free to bring a friend!) to try your luck at our first contest give-away! This contest is open to residents of the planet Earth. If you are not from this planet…cool. You must be 3 years or older to participate. We will not, however, allow any drooling on our site. Wear a bib. We do.

See you then!

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  • So basically, Nicky is a gang member, Jepeto has a poo fetish and extra body parts, and Mike has not only extra body parts, but also a very silly name and a crappy sense of direction (Jepeto will appreciate the crappy-reference there). Awesome.

    Now for the truths and lies. Nicky's only lie is obviously #7 – she would have picked up and thrown out the bouncer, not the other way around. Nicky's cool like that. Jepeto's only lie was #2 – come on, everyone knows zombies only come out at night and Jepeto doesn't stay up that late. Mike's only truth was #2 – The Little Mermaid is an awesome movie.

    Now that I aced this quiz, I can't wait for Sunday! A contest give-away, yay! I got a little worried at first, but then I realized that I'm totally a resident of the planet Earth – it's been years since I came over from a planet in the vicinity of Betelgeuse.

  • Jepeto

    Hey….i don't have a poo fetish…i just like to poo…oups! gotta go! that coffee hurried the process…sweet! back in an hour or so.

  • 00dozo

    I dunno – they all sound so true to me.

    Mike the mushroom, heh heh. Does this mean I'll have to change CheesyMike to “FunguyMike” ??

    “Comrad Jepeto”, well almost. How would one live with dual doctrinship?

    I think Nicky called someone a Monster Moose Cock in that bar, thereby causing the brawl.

    And if the prize for your giveaway contest is a gift certificate for some Poutine, I think I'll pass.

  • Well, you could always amend it to CheesyMikeTheFunGuy or maybe CheesyMikeTheFunGuyLookinForTruffle? 'Cause, really, nobody knows the truffles he's seen…

    One lives with dual doctrinship by losing one's mind and developing a poo fetish.

    I would never call anyone a Monster Moose Cock! I would, however, publicly divulge one's penchant for sucking on monster moose cocks. The result, mind you, does not change in either case.

  • “Nicky's cool like that”. You know me so well, it's scary 🙂

    I hate to sound like the Arizona state police, but do you have papers showing that you are, indeed, a citizen of this planet now? We have quite a problem with aliens on this planet, you know. We'll also need to see proof that you are authorized to live outside of District 9. I didn't want to spoil the surprise, but first prize is a year's supply of cat food. We don't want to send it into D9 and be responsible for the alien rioting that ensues.

  • I'm pretty sure I have my papers here somewhere… It's the green piece of paper I'm looking for right? They gave me a whole bunch of forms to fill out, citizenship of the earth papers, permit to carry concealed tentacles, lyrics for “We Are The World”… I can never get it straight. Too much bureaucracy on this silly planet.

  • 00dozo

    So, basically, you're calling Mike a pig? 😉 But I do like CheesyMikeTheFunGuy except it's really long and I'd probably make really bad typos. (Really, Mike: if you've seen the truffles, they are worth waaaay more than Nicky's puns… snort!)
    😉

    As for poo – I've had my fair share of it this week (I suspect Jepeto's back in his 'cage' contemplating his all-too-close idealogical dilemma? Or just his poo?).

    About the MMCs: I will never look at a Poinsiana in the same way again. (Photo to follow, somewhere). And, thank you Nicky, for that visual.

  • I'm so confused. There was supposed to be cheese.

  • We do have that affect on people! There is always cheese. You're just a little early, that's all. 🙂

  • Как смеют Вы оскорблять Родину Вы капиталистическая свинья?
    oups…

  • 00dozo

    Я угадываю я шагнуло в то одно… oink!

  • Wait a cotton picking minute! I get one little case of Rabies, Cat Bite Fever, and the whole world as I know it comes crashing down! I personally gave Nicky, Mike, And Jepeto the “Creative Blogger” Award so it belongs to all three of the Unholy Trinity! Also, Nicky is telling all truths on her list. Her only lie is that she says there is one. Jepeto is doing the same thing and so is Mike. I feel gypped. I wanted a whopper and what did I get?

  • Oh goodness, these are too tough for me to figure out which are true and which are lies!

  • Heheheheh…that was the intention!

  • “I will tell you that I am also supposed to pass this award on. I'm only going to suggest to a couple of people that they might like to do this, but it's totally up to them. In some cases, I realize that people do not enjoy awards. Personally, I love them. If you want to play, please do, and if not, it won't hurt my feelings in the slightest!

    I'm sending a shout out to Nicky, Mike, and Jepeto at “We Work For Cheese”. “

    Sorry darling, but nowhere does it say that you gave us the award. You invited us to participate and we did. After all the award bashing that was going on, I think you were understandably hesitant to pass it around. Which is ok. I still adore you beyond reason!

    And sometimes, I think you live inside my head 🙂

  • Well done!

  • Nicky, I thought you KNEW I was giving you the award, but I just didn't want to call it “giving you the award” because you might not want to talk about awards or receive them with all the “I hate awards” stuff going around. But dang it girl, that was giving you the award! Next time I'll just go ahead and say “I'm giving you the award”! Oh dear God, this is a lot of complication with my rabid brain!

  • Sweetheart, you didn't want to say it, I didn't want to presume it…and all because other people don't like awards! From now on, I promise to say exactly what I mean if you will too 🙂

  • I promise Darling Nicky!

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