Food

As Easy As Your ABCheese

Sometimes we at WWFC have some really brilliant ideas for cheese reviews. This is not one of those times.

When we first decided to start reviewing cheese and cheese-related items, one of the first things we said, practically in unison, was “Cheese in a CAN!”. This may seem weird – ok it is weird – but it’s only because, as far as we know, cheese does not come in a can here. It’s like a myth to us. We scoped out several grocery stores and no luck. Then a friend of Mike’s took a trip into the States and agreed to bring us back some. And she did. Thanks. A. Bunch.

Fun to eat or use as caulking for your windows!

Meet Easy Cheese (American). It lives up to its name. Partially. It is, indeed, easy to use. It is, however, NOT cheese. According to the can, it is actually a “Pasteurized Cheese Snack” that is “Made with REAL CHEESE!”. What an interesting concept. A cheese snack made with real cheese. How avant-garde!

There were a few other things written on the can that cracked us up. Under the list of ingredients (which includes cheddar cheese and milk, btw) comes this jewel – CONTAINS: MILK . OMG. Stop the presses.

We also thought it was strange that our can was American flavor (so that’s what Americans taste like!) but contained cheddar cheese. Then we noticed that it was also available in:

  • Cheddar flavor
  • Cheddar ‘n Bacon flavor (gotta love the ‘n!)
  • Sharp Cheddar flavor

Do you suppose those are made with American cheese?

The directions absolutely slayed us. It actually says “For best results, remove cap…” I have to admit, after  reading further, we thought for best results, we should have left the cap on!

This not-so-funny selling point shows up in 2 places and stopped us in our tracks: “No need to refrigerate”. WTF? How can you not need to refrigerate cheese?! Or pasteurized cheese snacks made with REAL CHEESE?! Nowhere in the list of ingredients does it say “weird shit that makes cheese non-refrigeratable”. Somebody needs to reevaluate the CONTAINS warning. Somehow milk doesn’t seem to be the biggest issue here.

We haven't been this stunned since the second season of Lost!

We realized that we needed to stop reading the can or we would never work up the nerve to try the stuff. So we took a deep breath, removed the cap, pointed at some crackers and pressed down on the applicator. For future reference, cheese should never come with an applicator.

Suddenly, reading the can didn’t seem to be the worst part of this experience.

Oh, the humanity!

We are strong. We are brave. We are determined. We are Canadian. We closed our eyes and popped the crackers into our mouths like sissies. We chewed. We swallowed. We didn’t die.

Our verdict? It does taste cheesy. It does not have a chalky texture like we expected. We surprised ourselves by agreeing: it’s not horrible (See Mom, being easy isn’t always bad!). The poutine we reviewed was still worse by a mile! That being said, we only had 2 crackers a piece. And then we argued over who would keep the can. In the end, Mike and I decided this would be a great time to have our second contest giveaway!

So, lucky readers, all you have to do is be the first person to guess the number I’m thinking of and you win the remainder of Easy Cheese in a can!

*Ooooooooooh*

And it’s been touched by Mike and Nicky!

*Aaaaaaaaaaah*

Your friends will be green with food poisoning envy! I’ll even give you a clue: the number is between 1 and 3.

Good luck (especially to our winner)!

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  • I can't believe I am the first to guess. I'm gonna go with um….2?

    However, you missed the best part of cheese in a can. You have to squirt it directly in your mouth, there is no need for crackers if you have cheese in a can. Kinda like Reddy Whip. Please tell me you squirted it directly into your mouths because that is the best and only way to eat cheese in a can.

    I'm surprised they let it through customs.

  • Oh, and my son eats his with Nutella. I'm too ascared to try that but he swears by it.

    You must come to the states, if cheese in a can scares you, you ain't seen nothing. We have our state fair in late August where everything is served deep fried and on a stick, you must experience that part of heaven.

  • Ding ding ding ding! We have a winner!! And I already have your address 🙂

    You know, Mike and I talked about doing that, but we just couldn't bring ourselves to do it.

    I don't think she declared it when she crossed over.

  • With Nutella?!?!?! *slowly backs away from computer…*

  • Please don't send it, I have some already and I'd hate for customs to get
    involved.

  • Yep, he'll put Bacos on it too if we have any. Do you know what Bacos are?
    If you kinda liked Cheese in a can you might sorta like Bacos,
    http://www.bettycrocker.com/products/bacos

  • 00dozo

    OMG! This was way too funny! And, as it is, I'm already up past my usual bedtime, I'll probably dream of canned cheese, Nutella, clowns and spies.

    I do remember walking past displays of sliced cheese products that were far, far away from any refrigeration. My immediate thought was “Soilent Green”. I then ran far, far away.

    I'm curious, though. Did the can have a best before date?

  • Mikewj

    Hey, I just woke up from the strangest dream. It had a spy in it who fought off a psycho clown using a jar of Nuttella and a can of Easy Cheese. Then I come here and it all starts to make sense.

    Anyway, you guys would be horrified to learn that the most popular American cheeses aren't cheeses at all, but products similar to what you got out of that can. Some of them are more solid than others, but they're basically identical. No aging, not much flavor unless you count salty, and a long list of ingredients that you can use to preserve raw meat for long treks across the northern provinces.

    Jen is right about putting the stuff straight into your mouth. It's best that way, although it helps to be a little drunk when you do it. It's a lot like….well, nevermind. Listen, if you were brave enough to keep the can, have some beer or wine and give it a try. I'll think you'll find it more gratifying than it was on crackers. Or biscuits, or whatever you call them up there.

    This is one of your most interesting cheese-like reviews ever, by the way. Congratulations, and if I may take this opportunity to make a review suggestion, you might consider looking into the various Mongolian cheese products that are available. I've been reading a lot about them lately, and even saw a tv show about them. They're even more interesting than cheese in a can, but might take even more bravery to eat.

    I'm counting on you to keep us informed about the latest cheese trends!

  • Mikewj

    Jen, that's bizarre. But it probably tastes good. And gives you instant cancer.

  • What country you from, WWFC? Everyone knows Sharp Cheddar flavor is made from SWISS cheese.

    Ohhhhhh, you're from Canada.

    I'm gonna guess 2.3649827.

  • Jen, do you remember when the applicator had a star tip so the cheese came out with four lines? It looked like the edging they use when frosting cakes.

    Good times.

  • Living in cheese rare China, any cheese stuff sounds good to me! Mind you, I'm also a terrible junk food fan.

  • Spray frosting was the best! I could never make a rose but it was much
    better to squirt in your mouth than easy cheese. Well, depending one what
    part of the month it was.

  • No cheese in China?! What are you still doing there?!?! You would love this stuff 'cause it's definitely a terrible junk food 🙂

  • Yes, we're from Canada, where Swiss cheese is made from Swiss cheese and Cheddar is made from Cheddar.

    Damn Cardiogirl! That number was my second choice!

  • You do have the strangest dreams BonyMike! Glad we could help sort it all out for you.

    How do you guys live without real cheese? Seriously. I like junk food as much as the next person, but I could NOT live without real, delicious, aged, savoury cheese.

    All I will say is that I learned a long time ago not to put anything in my mouth when I'm drunk. We'll leave it at that.

    Thank you. I think. I'm honestly not sure if you mean that or if you are joking. I'm also not sure if you're serious about the Mongolian cheese. I did read an article recently about how African cheese is looking to export and find a global market.

    We'll do our best. We'd hate to disappoint you 🙂

  • It is kind of funny, isn't it? Your dream would probably make a very interesting post 🙂

    We checked for Soilent Green on the label and it was nowhere to be found. I think that's even scarier than if it had been listed as an ingredient!

    The can does have an expiration date: 26 Feb 11
    I really hope that means February 26, 2011 and not February 11, 2026!

  • We do have “simulated bacon bits” here. They're made of soy and probably healthier than bacon as a result.

    And I must clarify: we didn't “kinda like” Easy Cheese. We just didn't despise it. There's definitely a difference! 🙂

  • Ok. I guess I could always bring it with me when I head out on my roadtrip! 🙂

  • Or, you could just leave it at home.

  • Jepeto

    Squirting in the mouth. yes. I like.

  • Or I could just leave it at home. 🙂

  • I figured you'd like that.

  • 00dozo

    Well, there was no Nutella, cheese, spies or clowns involved in my dreams – not that I can remember, anyway, but there was an old fireplace, me moving into a new room in a very old building, new lighting fixtures, something involving people in wheelchairs – oh, and I think I was naked at one point. I have no idea.

    The only cheese I was brought up with was processed slices and thinking that all cheese tasted like that, I didn't eat any until late in my teens (of course, pizza didn't count). I do recall, though, that Cheez Whiz came in a can too, for awhile. I could be wrong, but I never touched that stuff. Gah! Mind you, the listed ingredients on these cheese products somewhat reflects the litany of side-effects of these new drugs they advertise on t.v. Yeah, like I'm gonna take that chance.

    As for that expiry date, 2026? I hope not too!!

  • Please, don't make me guess the lucky number! We actually paid a woman to come talk to our kids at school about healthy eating and guess what she brought… yep, good ole cheese in a can! I want my money back!

  • You're off the hook Paula! Jen already won the prize, although she doesn't want it. Maybe I'll donate it to a homeless shelter, but I feel guilty – just because they're homeless doesn't mean they should eat crap!

    She did NOT?! Did she get her credentials out of a can too?

  • Is it 2 and 5 eights? Is it? Now, baby, this is one I do not want to win. I've seen the stuff (or similar) and never had the nerve to try it. Cheese in a can is just so wrong, isn't it? Also, that “for best results remove cap” is great. My doctor gives me pills and writes the instructions for me “take one pill orally twice daily”. Uhm, Nicky, what did he think I might do with the pill? Stick it in my uh, ear? Okay, there was the time my daughter was constipated and I did shove a laxative pill up her rump because I hadn't read the directions but I was young, but that's different, isn't it?

  • Nicky, I for one eat real cheese, not “cheese product”. My cheese comes from the Alps, or France, or someplace else like Holland. But I did make grilled cheese sandwiches for my kids out of “Government Cheese” that somebody gave me. Huge big old block of orange/yellow sealed in red rind. I really have no idea what was in it or where it came from, but my kids loved them some Gov'ment Cheese!

  • You are safe, it is not 2 and 5 eighths! It is wrong to put cheese in a can. It should be made illegal!

    Ha! Did it work that way? And has your daughter forgiven you?! 🙂
    When my son was little, he had an ear infection so I got antibiotics, filled the “syringe” dispenser thingy and handed it to him while saying “Here, this will make your ear all better”. Yup, he squirted it into his ear!

  • Thank heavens! I was beginning to think everyone in America had no idea what real cheese was! Gov'ment Cheese? Oh, I could make so many jokes about that!

  • Oh Honey, that isn't good. Neither was sticking a pill up my daughter's butt good. But what did we know? We were virgin babies when the were born. It's only in the last couple of year that I've appreciated not being a virgin with babies.

  • Nicky, I'm not proud of what I gave your sister and brother, but I promise that's all in the past.

  • How do you stimulate bacon bits?

  • Mikewj

    That's classic, CatLady!

    Reminds me of Woody Allen in “Sleeper,” where he wakes up in the distant future to discover that science has learned that cigars, steak and booze are health foods.

  • Mikewj

    I DON'T live without real cheese. I'm half British, and grew up on real, aged cheese, the kind with texture and flavor. Or flavour, as my mother might write. This is a true story: Growing up, I used to go to my friends' homes to get things like waffles and pancakes, and they used to come to my house to get a nice slice of Colby or Cheddar. It was like an international exchange program for foodies.

    And, no, I'm not joking about the Mongolian cheese products. They use milk to make some very interesting cheese products, including these hard curd-like things that apparently have a very unique taste. They also put soured cheese in tea, and lots of other weird things. I think it's a whole new avenue for WWFC to explore.

  • Mikewj

    An old fireplace in an old building with lighting fixtures, people in wheelchairs and you naked?

    Wow, I'd pay good money to see that one acted out on late-night cable, 00dozo.

  • Mikewj

    Put it in the bunker for emergencies. That stuff never goes bad, I don't care what the expiration date says.

  • Ok, I'm off to research Mongolian cheese products.

  • I want to wake up in that future…although, if all those things were suddenly healthy, I wonder if they would be less enticing?

  • Cheese in a can. I have no words to describe how gross that sounds in my delicate European ears. Next you'll tell me Americans eat dried beef or, god forbid, whipped cream in a can.

  • Mikewj

    No, I don't buy that whole “you need the light to appreciate the dark thing.” They'd still be wonderfully tempting!

  • Mikewj

    I'm not even going to tell you about my state's specialty, Rocky Mountain Oysters. Let's just say it makes head cheese sound downright appetizing.

  • Ok, I won’t tell you and risk permanently damaging your delicate ears, but if you ever do make it across the pond – you might want to wear earmuffs.

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