Stupid People

Please Forward This Again And Again And Again…

…because it would seem that I wasn’t clear enough the first time. I wrote this last November and decided to repost it after I got 14 emails today from people I know and who are now automatically filtered into my junk mail file. Yeah, I’m recycling. It’s hot and my brain has melted. So sue me. Courtrooms are airconditioned, right?

A boy child with H1N1 went mising from the planet after winning the Nigerian lotery.  Please sign this petition to have the United Federation of Planets of the Apes finally get off their butts to find him.

missing nigerian prince

Ok, so I have obviously exaggerated and you knew immediately that this was not a true story.  Or did you?

Regularly, I receive emails and Facebook messages letting me know about the newest virus that will crash my computer, but only after sending all my personal information to the person who created the virus in the first place.  I can’t even imagine the chaos and havoc that will ensue when the nasty hacker discovers the password to my Facebook account!  OMG, the hacker could make me a fan of scrapbooking!!!  Noooooooo…..

I am asked to help the poor, heartbroken parents of Penny Brown/Carissa Malanitch/Evan Tremblay/Ashley Flores etc. who are searching relentlessly for their poor missing children.  Amazingly, it would seem that there is a template for parents of missing children to use when posting to the net, because all of the emails/messages are worded in a near-identical fashion.  Also incredible is how all these children went missing last Saturday.  In any case, it’ll only take a moment of my time, and it could save this poor soul’s life.  After all, how would I feel if it were one of my children?  (The sender has obviously never met any of my children.  But I digress.)

And of course, there are the incessant warnings about horrible incidents that occurred to the friend of a friend of my cousin’s husband’s sister’s boyfriend’s mother’s neighbour.  You know, the one where she was driving along when an “unmarked” police car flashed sirens at her.  Smart woman that she is though, she called 911 and requested that the “police officer” be informed that she would only pull over in a well-lit area with lots of people around.  Imagine her surprise when the dispatcher informed her that the car behind her was NOT the police!!  Turns out the driver had been convicted on NUMEROUS occasions for impersonating an idiot when he was, in fact, a moron!!  Gasp!!!

C’mon people!!  If it is full of spelling mistakes, if it does not provide dates, times, locations and other real, pertinent information, if it tells you that you can make money without working, if it tells you that you have won when you never even entered a contest, then it is FAKE!!!  If you are still not sure, then check out websites like Hoax-Slayer, Snopes or

And , for the love of Cheese, stop sending it to me!!!

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  • Since you both are so adorable, maybe Michael got it confused and thought I said, you both have the same 'affection'. You know how he is. Or maybe it's “infection” and in that case, pull out the Vagisil by all means.

  • 00dozo

    In reference to camping, I definitely do have penis envy – balance is not required: you can either piss up a tree or have it hold you up while doing so.

    (and, why is it you are adding an extra “o” to my name lately?? No worries, “dozo” will do.)

  • 00dozo

    Ha! I hope Nicky doesn't have an infection, but I don't. Me, adorable?? *batting evil eyes in innocence* You are too kind! You are also adorable (and I really mean that).

    Yes, BonyMike has been a bit confused lately.

  • sheilasultani

    I get so many of those damn emails, daily. I wish I knew how to create an email bomb I could attach to it in a nice little nasty reply.



    My children are going to go missing as soon as I can get enough donations from other parents who understand how annoying children can be. I would like to send them to Lebanon no later than 31 July 2010 at 2100 hours. Please do all you can to help. My life and sanity depend on it.

    Yours in cheese,


  • Lorena

    Just do what I do–don't ever open your email. I mean, you might miss out on the odd relevant letter, like that time my university tried to offer me a scholarship but since I never open my mail, I almost missed out…but really, how often is that going to happen?

  • See, now that's an email request I would definitely donate to and forward to all of my friends! After lamenting the fact that I didn't think of it first, of course! Just out of curiosity, how much are plane tickets to Lebanon?

  • You know, that's a fantastic idea! Especially since the likelihood of anyone offering me a scholarship or anything else worthwhile is slim to none!

  • Hey…wait a second. Lorena? Rena?! OMG is it really you?!?!?!?!

    *staring at screen with mouth hanging open*

  • Yep. I receive more emails that are spam than REAL ones from my friends. And it's SO very annoying!

  • Ugh, I know! I'm considering cancelling my email completely!

  • Surprise!!

  • Well, I wont go that far, but I understand!

  • mikewj at toomanymornings

    You're hanging out with Ziva, aren't you? That's why you're not posting, because you're drunk in Finland.

  • Clear…*thump*

    (sound of paramedics attempting to revive me)

  • How did you know?

  • Don't tell him anything, he'll want to join and then he'll be all drunk and start whining about how we don't “post” often enough.

  • I love the “whooosh” sound of these emails going straight into my spamfolder, but then I have about a million friends who keep sending me “funny” stuff like pictures of cute dogs and cats, or jokes I've heard a million times before. And these “friends” send the emails to every person they've ever sent an email to. Do I have a sign over my head that says “please spam me”? No, I don't, my sign actually says “don't wake when sleeping”, but that's beside the point. And for the record, my penis is just fine as it is.

  • There, there. Take some aspirin, it's good for your heart.

  • True, nothing worse than a whiny drunk. So, no MikeWJ, I'm not in Finland with Ziva right now getting drunk. I'm currently in Canada, completely sober and working very hard on my next post. The working title is “Where To Get Drunk With Ziva When You're In Finland”. What do you think?

  • Ah, cute cats and dogs. Aren't they adorable? I also love getting those! And the jokes about Tiger Woods always make me chuckle, even after the 1000th time! I love the idea of an anti-spam sign. Maybe that should be my next tattoo?

    I am so relieved to hear your penis is fine.

  • Yup, snopes is IT. My Uncle NEVER checks snopes and sends so many of these to me…. I almost have more fun actually opening these and going to snopes to find the thing saying they are false!

  • I know it’s very mean of me, but I actually enjoy finding the bit that’s says the email’s a bunch of poop, copying it, hitting “reply all” on the annoying spam, pasting it in and sending it to everyone so they can all see how ridiculous it is!

  • Pingback: I’m Lazy, Old, Sick, Stupid And Tired. But Everyone Wants To Be Me. » We Work For Cheese » Blog Archive()


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