I Can’t Tell A Lie, Pa; You Know I Can’t Tell A Lie

August 26, 2010
By

Do you know who Mason Locke Weems is? He was also known as Parson Weems, if that helps. No? Well, he was the guy who wrote the unofficial, and somewhat creative, biography of George Washington, not so creatively named “The Life Of Washington“.

Now it would appear that Weems found George’s life to be a little…lacking. Sure, George was a successful farmer, then a successful soldier, then 1st Commander-in-Chief of the Continental Army, then drafter of the United States Constitution and then the 1st President of the United States of America.

I mean, really, so what if he single-handedly kicked the British army’s butt back to jolly old England so the United States of America wouldn’t be known as the United States of Her Majesty’s Summer Home? How on earth would Mister and Missus Mayflower relate?

So, Parson Weems embellished and invented, and created one of the most well-known myths ever: the famous story of the cherry tree. As he told it, George, as a boy, (or Boy George, if you prefer) received a new hatchet and immediately went outside to wreak havoc. He chopped down a cherry tree. When his dad saw the tree and was all “Boy, tell me you did not cut down the tree!” George came clean. Dad forgave him. All was well in the world. Mister and Missus Mayflower could totally relate.

Where am I going with this? Here’s the thing: I’ve always had trouble telling lies, especially when someone asks me a direct question. I may evade, or joke it off  or redirect the conversation away if I really don’t want to answer a question. Sometimes, though, a question is asked by somebody I respect and admire too much to blow off and I have to ‘fess up.

So, MikeWJ, the answer to your question is yes. And while he is very much like the persona he has created here, he is also very sweet and thoughtful and caring and funny and while it often makes me question my own sanity, I love him. Now stop being so nosy. Oh yeah, and stop putting an “e” in the word nosy!

For those of you who weren’t paying attention, you can find MikeWJ’s question here. Just follow the trail of skeletons in the comments section. :-)

****Sidenote: For those of you who haven’t been over to read Jayne of InJaynesWorld, please take a moment to do so. She has an incredible guest post up that you really should take a look at. Thanks!

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  • Jepeto

    OMG!!!! Jepeto is your man? SHOCKING!!!

  • http://www.weworkforcheese.com Nicky

    Tell the truth, you were more shocked by the nice things I said about you, weren’t you?

  • http://stubbornfool.blogspot.com/ Shawn Ohara

    There are no comments on this post yet as everyone is reading through the previous 100 posts trying piece together all the clues.
    Thank you for finally revealing the truth. Being one of the insiders and knowing the truth was too much of a burden for me to bear for much longer.

  • http://www.weworkforcheese.com Nicky

    We appreciate your long-held restraint :-)

  • http://www.shoot-me-now.com Katherine Murray

    I have to say, I can’t lie… when I try, I start to smirk. My middle child inherited my smirk. I just can’t do it!

  • http://www.weworkforcheese.com Mike

    Holy shit!

    Not the part about Jepeto, cause I totally knew that (duh). But the George Washington story…it was fabricated?!?!

  • http://www.weworkforcheese.com Nicky

    Lucky you! My middle child inherited my webbed toes and my penchant for whiskey! LOL.

    Seriously, my kids are surprisingly honest so I guess they did get some of my genes after all.

  • http://www.weworkforcheese.com Nicky

    You KNEW the part about Jepeto?! You never let on :-)

    Yup, the George Washington story is a bunch of malarky. Too bad they didn’t have snopes.com back then!

  • Jepeto

    Not at all. What have you done? You have broken the poor hearts of THOUSANDS of single women. My loves, don’t worry, there is a Jepeto out there for you. You just can’t have the original one. Wipe yours tears, my swarm of female fans, i still love you.

  • http://00dozo.blogspot.com/ 00dozo

    Somehow this does not surprise me, about Jepeto, I mean. (And he looks like such a ‘bad boy’ in his pic.)
    ;-)

    You have webbed toes??!!

  • Jepeto

    You live in the bahamas?

  • http://00dozo.blogspot.com/ 00dozo

    You’re asking because…?

  • http://thegoodthebadtheworse.blogspot.com Linda Medrano

    I already knew this. As soon as I saw the photos. It was pretty clear. I love saying “I knew it! I knew it!”

  • http://thegoodthebadtheworse.blogspot.com Linda Medrano

    I already knew this. As soon as I saw the photos. It was pretty clear. I love saying “I knew it! I knew it!”

  • http://zivainferno.blogspot.com Ziva

    But where, pray tell, can I find one of these other Jepetos? Ever since I’ve learned the truth I’ve been searching deperately, but it seems they can only be found in the stranges places; under the sink, up in a tree, Canada… I can’t go on like this!!

  • Jepeto

    Bye bye Nicky…i am coming! whatever your name is! :-)

  • Jepeto

    try any smegma cheese factory. Garanteed.

  • http://00dozo.blogspot.com/ 00dozo

    Oh, my! *blushes* All that from one simple comment? I’m verklempt!

    ;-)

  • http://00dozo.blogspot.com/ 00dozo

    Ziva: There may be a smegma cheese factory in Spuzzum, B.C. (it’s just beyond Hope).

  • http://www.inconsequentiallogic.com Roschelle

    anytime you meet someone who says they cannot nor have they ever lied…….RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • http://www.weworkforcheese.com Nicky

    Oh, I wouldn’t say I can’t or never have lied. I just find it difficult most of the time. When I really need to, I can lie like a rug! :-)

  • http://www.weworkforcheese.com Nicky

    You are brilliant! Hell even Mike said so, and if Mike said so it MUST be true! :-)

    Seriously, I’ve been wondering when someone would put 2+2 together!

  • http://www.weworkforcheese.com Nicky

    You think you’re verklempt now? Wait until he shows up on your doorstep!

  • http://00dozo.blogspot.com/ 00dozo

    Just so long as he brings the beer – ‘Upper Canada Dark Ale’ – a twelive-pack, thank you kindly.
    ;-)

  • http://leeunafoster.com/humorblog Leeuna

    I don’t lie but I sure can twist the truth around until it looks like a pretzel. I learned that in my creative writing class. :)

  • http://www.weworkforcheese.com Nicky

    See, for all those students who say “When am I ever gonna need to know this stuff?!” Stay in school, kids, stay in school! :-)

  • http://injaynesworld.blogspot.com/ Jayne

    Nicky’s man is “porn star guy?!” (faints dead away)

    (comes to long enough to say “thank you” for the shout out on the guest post)

    (faints dead away again)

  • http://www.weworkforcheese.com Nicky

    LOL! I’m sorry to have given you such a shock! And you’re welcome. And please be careful not to hurt yourself every time you faint. :-)

  • Jepeto

    Porn star guy! yes! I played in such movies as the Epic *Shaving Ryan’s privates* and the famous comedy *Wrong hole fool!*. Not to forget the young ones with *The adventures of Baron Von Strapon*. I really disgust myself sometimes :-)

  • Jepeto

    The plural of Jepeto is Jepeti…i think.

  • http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ Margaret (nannygoats)

    What a nice thing to say about MikeyWJ.

    Also? I do prefer Boy George. Obviously his biography needs more scandal and that’s a perfect way to start. I love George Washington. He’s my favorite president. Not because he’s #1, but because he’s the only president to decide that he served long enough and stepped down to give someone else a chance.

  • http://www.weworkforcheese.com Nicky

    It’s not hard to say nice things about MikeWJ :-)

    There are definitely a few presidents who could’ve learned a few things from George Washington. And Boy George too, for that matter!

  • Mikewj

    Well, first of all, I’d like to congratulate myself for being smart enough to deduce Jepeto’s true identity from a quote that had nothing to do with Nicky. I think you’ll have to agree that it was very clever of me, and that I’m probably a genius. A twisted genius, to be sure, but genius nonetheless.

    Second, I’d like to say that I’m sorry for spelling nosey with an “e.” I’m not sure why I do that. It’s right either way, but nosy is the preferred spelling, as we established roughly three months and 1,700 comments ago.

    Third, in my defense, I’m half British, and the British are famous for saying, “Well, isn’t he a Nosey Parker!” The etymology of the phrase can be found here: http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/nosy-parker.html

    Fourth, it’s good to know you can’t lie, Nicky, and that leads to two immediate questions: What is your social security number? and What else are you trying to keep secret?

  • http://www.weworkforcheese.com Nicky

    You are, indeed, a genius for figuring out Jepeto’s true identity on the basis of a comment about spiders. Although, now that I think about it, Jepeto is kinda creepy like a spider, so maybe it was more obvious than I thought?

    Apology accepted.

    The first thing I noticed was that you used an e in nosy again. Then I noticed that there IS NO E in the link you provided. Which leads me to believe you just have an e fetish.

    I’ve given you the numbers in my social security number once before. You’ll have to scour our blog for it. Apart from that, the only other secret I’m keeping from you is about my tattoo. Well, that, and I’m actually only 12 years old. I have to go now. I have to write an essay about what I did this summer. Stupid homework!

  • http://mommamiameaculpa.com meleahrebeccah

    Woman, I am The Worst Liar EVER. I have so many “tells”. I wouldn’t dare play a game of poker! Now, I have to go find out what his question was!

  • http://mommamiameaculpa.com meleahrebeccah

    wait. what the what?

  • http://www.weworkforcheese.com Nicky

    Ha! We can play against each other – maybe two really bad liars cancel each other out and we’ll become pros! ;-)

  • http://www.weworkforcheese.com Nicky

    Jayne thought Jepeto’s picture looked like a porn star guy! Now she’s just found out he is not only NOT a porn star guy, but he is my man. She’s taking it quite well, don’t you think? :-)

  • http://mommamiameaculpa.com meleahrebeccah

    Ahahahahaah! Deal!

  • http://mommamiameaculpa.com meleahrebeccah

    OMG! Thanks for clearing that up!!

  • Mikewj

    Don’t think I’d forgotten about your tattoo. That thing is really bugging me. Couldn’t you give me another hint, or perhaps post another picture of it, this time making sure it’s in focus? Honestly, I’ve spent at least an hour and a half searching for Japanese tattoos and found nothing.

    As for having an “e” fetish, I guess I’m not sure. I might have one, but if so, it’s buried under all the other fetishes.

  • http://www.weworkforcheese.com Nicky

    Sure, I’ll give you another hint. It’s something that means something that represents something I felt a long time ago. In Japanese. Darn, I think I might have made it a little too easy for you!

    Other fetishes? Do any of them involve letters of the alphabet?

  • http://man-over-board.com Man Over Board

    OMG I had 30 minutes to myself tonight and thought, hey I need to go and make some comments because I have been a very bad man for not being around enough to leave some comments on my fav blogs. (even thou I do visit read and don’t comment when time is short) (lie)

    Well my 30 minutes for leaving comments is totally taken away by this post and going through all the comments left from the previous spider post and now this one. (no lie)

    I think I had more fun with the comments then I did the post, is that bad??

    Now I have ten minutes left, enough time to head to Mikewj’s blog and get nozy as I have never been there before.

    Question why Jepeto? A foot fetish perhaps?

    You two crack me up and I do love stopping and saying hello (no lie)

    Even though I freaking hate Canadians (lie)

    Now I have to go watch my favorite TV Show “Lie To Me” (guess)

  • http://www.weworkforcheese.com Nicky

    I’m sorry we took up all of your time (not a lie) because I know exactly what you mean about just being able to read, barely, and not leave a comment on fav blogs!

    I often have more fun with the comments than with the posts (no lie) so no, it is not bad at all!

    Please don’t get nosy with MikeWJ (LIE!!!!!!)

    Because Jepeto bares a striking resemblance to Brad Pitt (lie).

    We love having you visit (no lie)

    Even though we freaking hate Americans (BIG lie!)

    I’m guessing by the way your mouth twitched in a smile and the slight raising of your eyebrows, you like Lie To Me :-)

  • Jepeto

    My true identity? I bitched about people that define themselves by their work…so as a protest i left my job. Now you define me as *Nicky’s Man*…so as a protest i must leave Nicky? Where are my pills now… i am having an identity crisis… who the blip am I ?

  • Jepeto

    Why did Nicky choose Jepeto?

    First of all I chose her, she got caught in my web (of lies).I always get what i want. I was a bachelor living in the hip part of Montreal, partying and being happy. Then I saw her at work and told myself hummm i want to CENSORED that cute little CENSORED. Five years later i am a family man living in the Montreal subs, mowing my fucking lawn. I am losing what’s left of my white hair and i am blogging, goddammit! What happened? Nicky happened my friend. I was Nickytized, man. Boom!

  • Jepeto

    Hey people what would your porn star name be? I would be NAPOLEON, oh yeah. The shortest of ‘em all but the fucking emperor. Hey that’s even better! The Fucking Emperor! hahahaha!

  • http://man-over-board.com Man Over Board

    Not to worry it happens to the best of US in all nationalities!!! Men the stronger of the species, yeah right. Just mow your lawn, sneak a few cold ones, don’t get caught staring and don’t over spend on lawn care treatment. The (censored) weeds will show up no matter what. Now see if you were at MOB you could say (censored) because that (censored censored) idiot is (censored) and ugly.

    There is something to be said for going back to being a bachelor again, but with a hottie like Nicky who is also into cheese, what more can a (censored) whipped man want??? ;-)

  • http://mommamiameaculpa.com meleahrebeccah

    Ahahahhahha!!!

  • http://www.weworkforcheese.com Nicky

    LMAO! Awww, Glenn, you say the nicest (CENSORED) things! :-)

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