Fun At The Border

Has THIS ever happened to you?

You pull up to the American border, minding your own business, when BAM…strip search!

Maybe it didn’t happen quite like that. Maybe my responses to some of the border guard’s rapid-fire questions were a little snide. All I know is that after I told him that the car I was driving belonged to my mother, he asked me to pull over to the side and take a seat in the border office.

When the 2 militarized guards returned from violating my mother’s vehicle (have fun with that one, Google), the guard at the counter called me over and started Question Period all over again.

“Where are you going?”
“Sugarbush, Vermont.”
“Hiking with friends.”
“Whose car is this?”
“My mother’s.”
“Where’s your car?”
“I don’t own one.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t need one. I live in the city.”
“So you use mass transit.”
“Yes. Or bike.”
“See you.”

Well, everyone has a job to do. Even Homeland Security. I did make it to the mountain and hiked my legs off, which you can see in their disembodied state below.

If there’s anytime to go hiking, now is that time. The temperature is perfect, and the leaves are brilliant depending where you are. On some parts of the trail, the colors were blinding. Here’s a picture with what must be Mount Doom in the background: fall-coloursNow about the summit. It was kind of a little bit  foggy. And cold. You could stare off into the abyss, but don’t let it mesmerize you. It’s a few thousand feet to the bottom.the-abyss

Look at those hairy gams. As I write, they’re punishing me for punishing them. I can’t walk.legs-summit

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  • something i definitely need to start doing!, not growing hair on my legs but hiking. it seems like so much fun. i live in flatland so, it would definitely be something i’d have to travel to do.

    (remembering to avoid any borders!)

  • I’ve never crossed a boarder like that – but I have been hiking in Vermont. And it is awesome!

  • I’m sure the border guard just wanted to check out your legs, Mike. They are quite stunning. Also, of course they had to look at the car! Who knows! Your Mom could be a mad bomber Canadian terrorist! Thank you for keeping me safe from would be rampaging Canadian Taliban guys, Homeland Security!

  • What a beautiful area. Right now it’s 108 degrees where I am. I can’t even walk outside, but less hike. Nice to know the border patrol is guarding us from you hairy-legged Canadians.

  • Oh, you can come hike in Canada. Our border is a piece of cake.

    And yes, leave the leg hair growing to me. I got it covered 😉

  • Vermont has the monopoly on picturesque. It was ridiculously beautiful!

  • You think they look good here? Wait’ll you see them in heels! No no, I’m joking.

    Yeah, my mom’s Toyota is definitely a suspicious car which needed to be profiled.

  • I know, we always make such a mess, leaving our short and curlies all over the place.

  • Brookeamanda

    And this would be why I rarely leave the state of IL:)

  • I know right? It’s breathtaking!

  • To be a mountain climber one needs to be in peak condition. Get it? Peak condition!

  • Oh I got it alright. I got it good.

  • Ah, what’s a little head to head with border goons once in awhile?

  • Mikewj

    There’s a place called Sugarbush, Vermont? Seriously? Like “The Land of Milk & Honey” but different, and in a good way? I must go there as soon as possible, especially if somebody’s going to strip search me first. Or, as I read about on another blog earlier today, “aggressively pat me down.”

    I love to travel.

  • Mikewj

    I can’t imagine NOT leaving the state of Illinois. Forever and ever, amen.

  • Mikewj

    Manolo’s or Jimmy Choo’s? Just curious.

  • Mikewj

    I was breathtaking for CheesyMike, anyway.

  • Mikewj

    I meant, “It was breathtaking for CheesyMike.” And, no, that wasn’t a Freudian slip based on me sitting here picturing him breathless in his Jimmy Choo’s.

  • Good for you in getting exercise, especially in my neck of the country, it is beautiful this time of year. Just watch out though, as it seems every time I go hiking I come across somebodies corpse. Seems they decided to go hiking also but with a very different outcome. They make for good blog posts.

    OK OK I joke, yes bad joke, (hey what do you expect) but in all truth as I wrote this comment the local news just announced a body found in the woods from a hiker. Hmmm coincidence?

  • In order to get the strip search, you have to pass through the border. So come to Canada first. then double back to the States. You might even get lucky and get a two strip searches out of it.

  • There’s an image of myself even I don’t want to think about.

  • Not knowing the difference between the two, I’ll say neither.

  • That’s one freaky coincidence indeed. Those woods are deep and you can easily get lost if you miss the markers.

    hmm….are you sure it’s just a coincidence, or do you know something 😀

  • Note to self: Do not get mesmerized while staring into the abyss, even if it sounds like a hallelujah chorus dipped in gold.

    I suppose when you’re being questioned by the Border Patrol, you’re not supposed to joke about bombs either. I should probably write that one down, too.

  • Mikewj

    Border Crossing = Nirvana

  • Mikewj

    You already did. Had to to write your comments. Proves it’s a possibility for you, despite your denials. Sorry, Mike.

  • (Falls off her chair laughing) I thought this post was written by Nicky and I actually gasped when I saw those hairy gams. Then I scrolled back up and realized it was written by Mike, not Nicky.

    Uh, not that there’s anything wrong with a chick letting her legs get downright furry. I hear that’s all the rage in Europe and Russia.

  • Damn you.

  • Exactly. I mean they could have been Nicky’s legs, so who are we to judge her if she likes to go “au naturel” once in awhile.

  • The border is definitely not the place to try out your newest jokes. If the guard makes a joke, it’s best to just smile and forget about any witty retorts that come to mind.


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