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Random Thoughts Not So Random After All

Yeah yeah yeah! Random thoughts are back. No numbers. No, no. Girlfriend stubborn and angry. Esperanto will be my next trick.

Unu) It’s been more than a month now that I am jobless. Am I better? Yep. But I left a well compensated job for volunteering. Oh I am not going to build homes in Africa or be serving soup at the Salvation Army. I’m a stay at home dude. Toughest fucking non-paid, underrated job ever. Especially for men (in my experience), no sexism intended. I mean, when she comes home from work, she grabs my ass and boobs while I am doing the dishes, then she says “Hmmm…smells good, what’s for supper?”. Chicken à la arsenic.

Du) I wonder if self gratification is equally proportional to time spent at home. For me it is.  Easily a two hundred percent increase. I should be quoted at the stock exchange, you’ll never see stock rise so quickly.

Tri) I admit I miss my job. Well I miss my colleagues. My “neighbour” especially. A year ago we started to hide a sealed fruit cup in the other’s cubicle. The first weeks were fun, lots of potential hiding places. After a couple of months, I had to fucking dismantle panels to hide it. Before leaving there was only one place left. The computer. I had all my shit ready to put the fruit cup between the hard drive and the graphic card, but I left. We actually have no clue where the cup is hidden now.

Kvar) Everybody has their name on their cubicles, right? On my neighbours was MUFFIN and mine was CUPCAKE. We actually were named that way at team meetings. Our job was draining and one day Muffin called me MUFFCAKE by mistake. Holy shit, we laughed.

Kvin) Yep I miss the stupid clients. The racists…oh I miss them. The odd ones. I miss them all. I remember a client calling me about receiving his correspondence in french instead of English. It was just a printing mistake, all his other shit was normally sent in English. The call was going well, calm, professional. Then just before hanging up, the weirdo yells FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FRENCH BASTARD! (clack). What the …? I wasn’t angry. I changed his birth language to French so he gets EVERYTHING in french now. Hehe. Fucker.

Ses) Mister Spice. That client was a total nut job. He used to call three times a day. Yelling, screaming and singing fucking opera on the phone. Most clients have– I dunno – like five or six notes written in their files. Spice had  forty-two pages (almost three hundred notes). You could always tell when he got one of the newbies. They went white, some started crying. We fucking laughed our asses, gave a tap on their shoulder and simply said : “it’s OK, you’ve been spiced”.

Sep) Have you seen Mike’s Bobbipins? Man my stomach still hurts from laughing. It’s funny because it’s the kind of absurd situations that happened at my job.

Ok) Ok is eight. Wow. Ok, suck my balls.

Naux) Ahhhhh. I miss you Muffin. I miss the suckamyballzas, miss the ahhhhhh SHADUPS! Miss your sudokus full of penises I drew, miss the discussions about pooh texture, miss farting in your cookie bag, miss the “can you really suck your own penis?” debates. I miss singing loudly, yet gently “SLOWWW DOWN MY BEAAAATING HEART”  in your headset while you talk to clients. Yep. I shot a video of myself at the beach in Montreal. In it I express what I couldn’t write, Muffin. You’ll notice I look miserable without you.

Yeah. See ! I am totally depressed. NOW GET BACK TO WORK SUUUUUCKERS!!!!

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  • Excellent random/semi-random thoughts.

    I should note that The Bobbipins are not my creation. Dan came up with the idea and does the the drawing. I’m more of the ‘idea guy’.

  • Here are some of my random thoughts:
    Girlfriend is NOT stubborn. Girlfriend is RIGHT. There’s a difference.
    Stop whining that I treat you like a piece of meat and go make my supper. There’s a good wife. *pats your ass*

  • Jepeto

    Such disrespect. I gave you the best years of my life! I gave you a son (took me 5 min)! I clean, sweep, cook, whatever. And yet you treat me like a manwhore. I like.

  • Jepeto

    My mistake. Dan is the man.

  • I like your girlfriend. When I finally have a job and M stays at home taking care of the house and kids, I’m going to be just like her. Stubborn and angry, that is. But mostly just right. And I’ll hide fruit cups in all his computers so he’ll have some entertainment while I’m out making money.

  • Please…there’s no way in hell the St. Lawrence is that pristine (or warm, for that matter). Great video, BTW.

    “Cupcake”? Really? Are you really that much of a wuss? Judging from your pic – well, the only one I’ve seen – you’re more of “beefcake” than anything.
    😉

  • Nonamedufus

    I suppose, if I can read between the lines, what you’re saying is while you miss work you simply never attained the same level of self-gratification as you do now. Uh-huh.

  • Jepeto

    You can see me surfing on the St-Laurent in the video.

    As for cupcake, man bonding is sometimes very strange indeed. I miss muffcake, i mean muffin.

  • Jepeto

    No and Yes. Well i will never attain the level of my teenage years.

  • Jepeto

    Lots of women “like” my girlfriend. I like. Catfight! yayaya.

  • Was that you?? Really?? Ok (See #8 in your post). Ha!

    Maybe you should bake a cheesecake for your little “muffin” man you know, to show how much you miss him. Does he live on Drury Lane?

  • Nicky is not angry. Nicky is right. Always! Make that your mantra! Alex loved being a househusband for a little while. But he really didn’t do anything. He didn’t cook, clean, do laundry, or anything else. He slept, ate, watched tv and played with the dogs.

  • Jepeto

    No wonder he didn’t mind. That is living! Tell me you had servants. I did have 3 went i was young.

    You haven’t met Nicky yet i see. Are you delirious? She is evil incarna…*hey baaaaby you not sleeping yet! What? Oh i’m watching TV. Yeah yeah. Oh ya i did the dishes. Hu-huh, I gave him a bath. What? Of course baby the basement is clean and i took everything out for your garage sale tomorrow. Ya. Ohh i won’t forget the trash. And to paint. A foot massage? sure honey i’m coming*. Sorry Linda you were saying? anyway gotta go rub those ice cold feet…brrrrrrr. Help me!

  • Jepeto

    It’s funny that you think that i am a beefcake (i had no idea what it meant. Just like that Drury Lane thing. seriously). My weight’s 165 pounds and i am five eleven. Ohhh the picture! That was before i met my girlfriend. I was 190 and six two before. Yep. I shrunk. Lots of things did, including my dignity.

  • Alex came home from the Iraq War and was told his company was moving to
    Canada. Then he was laid off. I suggested that he start his Master’s
    program at the university. I was working so it was fine.

    But he took two classes and did nothing. Yes we have help. I need
    help. I live in a 13 room house. But he never complained when I
    squeeze his butt and boobs while he did dishes. Nicky deserves that
    much alone! Quit being mean to my girl. And I mean that! You don’t
    want to mess with her. Go rub those tired little cold feet!

  • Jepeto

    we’re talking about beer, right?

  • Mikewj

    This is funny. I guess it shouldn’t be, because you’re depressed and feel used and are getting a sore penis from all that self-gratification. But it is.

    My apologies.

    I do not mean to laugh at your misfortune. You are more than welcome to hide fruit cups in my blog or something as revenge.

  • Jepeto

    Yes ma’am. Sorry ma’am. (i gotta switch teams, they crazy, precioussss, Golum! golum!)

  • Jepeto

    Yes! You can replace muffin. We are bruders after all. You are a genius! Gotta find you a name. Fondue! Nah, it sucks. Yogurt! Not bad, but it sounds like a sissy Viking warrior. Beowulf and Yogurt, hahaha. Oh boy i really need to find a job. Me going nuts, well nuttier. Nuts! yeah! nevermind.

    I should indeed go see your blog. All of you actually, my thousand and counting fans. You are kind enough to participate in my madness, it is the least i can do i guess. My douce moitié reads them all and i can see that she really is into it. I didn’t have time before. I shall do that.

  • Unu – While you are off work tell people it was to focus on your writing and to spend time with your family
    As to your point number Kvin, I’ve been there. I have heard the most intolerant things simply because I live in the province of Quebec. And my name is Shawn. While one time is too many, thankfully the occurrences are rare.
    Sep – This episode of bobbpins reminds me of my work
    http://www.bigfatostrich.com/2010/07/omfg-its-the-goddam-bobbipins-again/

  • Mikewj

    I would very much enjoy being called Geet. It’s an obscure Beowulf reference, and it sounds good. I don’t what in means. Probably “Dripping Pecker” or something equally horrible. Don’t care.

  • Unu – too late, they know I left my job in order to spend more time alone…if you know what I mean. I think you know what I mean. 🙂

    Kvin – What, they thought you were French?

    Sep – Me too!

  • Jepeto

    Dripping Pecker it is!

  • I’m really not sure what just happened, but now I’m laughing hysterically.

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