Life

True Friends Stab You In The Front

Coming, Mother....

Oscar Wilde said that. He was a smart man.

I’m sure you’ve all been missing Mike. Of course you have, Mike’s great! He’s wonderful. He’s funny. He’s smart. He tells interesting stories. Who doesn’t love Mike?!

Me.

While you all haven’t had the pleasure of Mike’s presence in your lives lately, he has still been checking in with me.Β I’d like to tell you about aΒ phone conversation I had with Mike this past week.

The backstory: Mike writes for another blog, and has another co-blogger, Dan. I know. It upsets me too. It’s like he has this whole other life, without cheese.

The actual story: He called me at work. I was working. He was not.

M. “Hey, how’s it going?”
N. “Crazy, stupid busy. You?”
M. “S’ok. I’m going up north today.”
N. “That’s fucking swell. I gotta go. I’m really busy.”
M.”Ok, but I just wanted to tell you…”
N. “What?”
M.”Dan came over yesterday ’cause we’re writing another episode of the Bobbipins. It’s great! I came up with the idea and Dan used *something new but I don’t remember what because by this time I had stopped listening and was working on 4 projects simultaneously* which gives the graphics a really cool, like, magnetic look. Like that thing we used to play with when we were kids, you know…”
N. “Etch-a-sketch?”
M. “I think so, in any case, it looks really awesome! But anyway, the thing is, we were hungry and I had this thing from work, they gave it to me, I dunno, a while ago, maybe in June or something…”
N.”I did mention that I have to go back to work, didn’t I?”
M. “Yeah, I know, but listen! A while ago, work gave me this thing, because I’ve been there for three years and I’ve been working so hard…”
N. “Magna-Doodle! The magnetic thing, it was Magna-Doodle!”
M.”Yeah! Not Etch-a-sketch, Magna-Doodle! Etch-a-sketch was that other thing. Anyway, it looks like that, it’s great. There’s like, shading and stuff. Like, magnetic flakes…”
N.”Yeah, I get it, it’s amazing. Now work gave you a thing ’cause you’re so good…”
M.”Oh, yeah. Basically, they gave me a voucher to go out for supper. It was for…I could go for a supper for, like, up to $200.”
N.”Seriously?”
M. “Yeah, and I didn’t have anyone to go for supper with so…”
N. “Hello?!”
M. “No, yeah, I mean, I know, but you know, I kinda wanted it to be, like, a girl…”
N.”…”
M. “No, you know, like a girlfriend girl.”
N. “Like I wouldn’t have put out for a $200 supper?!?!”
M. “Heheheheheheh…I know, but ….”
N. “So, wait, you wanted to have supper with a girl and being unable to locate one (!) you had supper with Dan?”
M. “Yeah, well we were doing the Bobbipins and we were hungry and my work thing was going to expire so we ordered an insane amount of sushi.”
N. “Sushi. You and Dan had raw fucking fish.”
M. “Yeah, well there was rice too”
N. “Bye”

Did I mention I hate Mike? πŸ™‚

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  • Brookeamanda

    Oh, SNAP! He’s cheating on you with another blogger AND he dissed you for dinner. That’s really, really cold;)

  • I KNOW! Thank you for your support. Feel free to ream him out when he comes back from paddling his canoe. πŸ™‚

  • Mikewj

    That cheating bastard! And there was food, too! And the guy he cheated on you with was named Dan! Dan? How dull is that? And what the hell is Bobbipins? I’m staring to wonder about Mike and his friendship with Dan and how he’ll have raw fish with him instead of dinner out with his best friend Nicky, a woman who admits she’ll put out for $200 worth of good food.

    Men!

  • It’s true, Mike and I do not have an “exclusive” friendship. I guess he isn’t really cheating though, since he’s always been honest about his relationship with Dan. I guess we have what you’d call an “open friendship”. It still hurts, though. *sniff*

    If you click on the word Bobbipins, you can see exactly what they are. I must admit, they are pretty freaking funny. It’s why I put up with our whole “arrangement”! πŸ™‚

  • Awwww… *gently wiping away a tear* SHAME ON YOU MIKE!!! your comments seem to indicate you might be sort of over it. but if he pulls another stunt like that just let me know.

    i’ll whip up a totally legitimate fake passport and head that way…eh, i will need one to get in won’t i? …i’m so internationally inept!

  • Don’t let anyone know, but I’m just putting up a brave front, but really, I’m devastated. πŸ™‚

    I appreciate your offer, and I will definitely take you up on it should the need arise. And yes, normally you would need a passport, but in this case, just tell the border guards I sent you πŸ™‚

  • done! sorry about this mike and his friend thing. sometimes dudes just don’t understand.

    BTW…thx for being a great bloggy buddy!!!

  • $200? Do you take cheques? Or do I just provide $200 worth of food?

  • As MikeWJ said in his comment: “Men!”

    It’s my pleasure πŸ™‚

  • LOL, well, the plan was most definitely to leave Jepeto at home (can’t take that boy anywhere!). I suppose you have a point. No more left turns for me πŸ™‚

  • For you, authentic spanish doubloons accompanied by certificates of authenticity will suffice.

  • This all sounds pretty fishy to me. First of all, Mike is very honorable so he did not “cheat” per se. Second, what did you want Mike to do, feed you and Jepeto? Or were you going to leave your significant other and home when you went out with Mike? Nicky, come on now. Right is right. And left is the other way!

  • Nicky darling, Dan probably puts out for only a sandwich and a piece of raw fish, you never stood a chance. But I have some good news for you! I will put out for only the minimal cost of a ticket to Canada, AND I promise I will stab you in the front when the time comes for me to move on with another blogger.

  • Ziva, lemmikki, I can always count on you! You don’t mind coming to Canada in the back of a cargo plane, do you? Don’t worry, I’ll cut plenty of airholes into the shipping box. πŸ™‚

  • I will pay for Ziva’s first class ticket to San Francisco. We are not putting our darling Ziva in a box, even with holes. You know how high maintenance she is, Nicky! What are you thinking?

  • As long as I don’t have to share the shipping box with a crocodile I’ll be fine.

  • It’s also not really cheating since I’ve been co-blogging on bigfatostrich.com since before WWFC was born. πŸ˜€

  • Anonymous

    Thanks Linda! You’re the only one who sees that I haven’t done anything wrong. If I’m ever arrested, I want you as my lawyer and jury. πŸ™‚

  • Thanks Linda! You’re the only one who sees that I haven’t done anything wrong. If I’m ever arrested, I want you as my lawyer and jury. πŸ™‚

  • Ok, then. I’ll ship the crocodile separately. Just for you.

  • Bah, details! You say tomato, I say cheating bastard.

  • “I’d put out for a $200 dinner.” LMAO! I think I’ve done if for a 1/4-pounder with cheese. And it wasn’t even Cotswold.

  • A 1/4 pounder!?! Now Jayne, I think you’re worth at least a Big Mac! πŸ™‚ With extra cheese, of course.

  • Well, I do have to watch my fat intake. You know — ass size and all. πŸ˜‰

  • Mikewj

    Are you really want to go there, Jayne. Because I’m ready if you do.

  • Mikewj

    Sure, Mike, and was making with other girls years before I met my wife. I TOTALLY understand the logic here.

  • Mikewj

    Is paddling his canoe a methophor for having sushi with Dan which is, in turn, a methaphor for something I’d rather not discuss?

  • Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on your perspective, paddling a canoe is a metaphor for paddling a canoe. Discuss at will!

  • No slipping anything past you, is there? πŸ˜‰ Let’s just leave it alone.

  • cheating bastard!

  • Jepeto

    Heyyyy…i bought myself a leash so we can go out, baby. You have no heart. snif.

  • Yes, but with a boyish charm so I just have to forgive him πŸ™‚

  • Ah, leave the leash at home – we have more fun when we go out without it!

  • Well the thing is, me and Nicky never signed any sort of pre-blog-nuptial blogging agreement, so legally, I’m allowed to have other projects!

  • πŸ™‚

  • hahahahahahhaa!

    It wasn’t cheating!

  • You meant “irresistible boyish charm”, but it’s ok. I forgive you.

  • The canoe had nothing to do with anything except me escaping to the country with one. Otherwise, there are no euphemisms to be had here!

  • Yes. It. Was.

  • Pingback: We Work For Cheese » Blog Archive » I Really, Really Want…()

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