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Cheese In The News – Vol. 16

first placeEn garde!

The World Cheese Awards took place again and this year’s champ comes from…England!  Cornish Blue, made in Liskeard by Philip and Carol Stansfield, nosed ahead of 2,600 entries from 26 countries for the win. It would seem that while France was busy being snooty, England has developed a choice of 700 homegrown cheeses while the French have only 600 fromages to savour. French President, Nicolas Sarkozy, was quoted as graciously saying “Putain! C’est quoi cette merde?!” (trans: Fuck! What is this shit?!) After more profanity, Sarkozy said “At leezt last year’s weener was from Québec. Zey are almost French!”

Speaking of France…

France has been accused of ignoring scientific advice in trade moves to protect prized cheesemakers. Apparently, they have not heeded The European Commission’s request to withdraw national measures obstructing trade in milk and milk products obtained from sheep and goats. The Committee has even threatened France with the European Court of Justice.  The argument centres on the presence of Scrapie, who I originally thought was Scooby’s cousin causing quite a bit of confusion because, really, who doesn’t love that cute little pup? Turns out, it is really an incurable disease known to farmers for centuries that affects the nervous system of sheep and goats and is their equivalent of mad cow disease.  The commission now says dairy products from infected animals do not transmit the illness to humans. “Even though some uncertainties persist,” it says, “scientific evidence…shows that the agent causing the disease will not provoke food borne disease in humans.” French President, Nicolas Sarkozy, was quoted as saying “Putain! C’est quoi cette merde?! Juzt geeve it to the Quebecois! Let zem eat ze crazy cheeze!!”

I know I’m thankful…

This month, Chuck E. Cheese provided families a free way to get the kids involved in the spirit of Thanksgiving, as well as providing criminals, um, I mean, dinner guests with a gift to treasure forever. Kiddies could create online “Thank You” cards, describing why they were thankful to have each pedophile, robber, assaulter and other assorted criminals in their lives. According to CEC, not only can children have fun coloring and filling out each card, but they get to experience what Thanksgiving is really about. Uh huh. Chuck E. Cheese’s believes in creating these positive, lifelong memories for families inside and outside of all of its locations. Which explains this next piece.

In case you thought I was being too hard on them…

California police are searching for three men after they attempted to rob a Chuck E. Cheese Saturday night. Witnesses say the masked men stormed the restaurant which was full of parents and children, just before 10 p.m. The men forced the customers into a storage room at gunpoint and then attempted to steal some cash, but were unsuccessful. According to Newark Police, customers called 911 from their cell phones, but the robbers were gone before police arrived. Luckily, the children had finished decorating their Thank You cards and were able to give them to the robbers before they fled.

 I am perturbed…

There have been insane amounts of cheese recalls this past month, in various locations. I suspect Finland.

  • Colorado health department officials are warning consumers who purchased Mauri gorgonzola cheese at Costco with “sell by” dates of January 13, 2011, and January 14, 2011, that the product has been recalled by the distributor, DPI Specialty Foods of Tualatin, Oregon, because of possible E. coli contamination. All Colorado residents who believed they may have contracted Ebola are strongly advised to consider the possibility they may have E. coli poisoning instead and will probably die a gruesome, smelly death.  
  • Bravo Farms expanded its original recall of Dutch Style Gouda to include all its cheeses. The company recalled the Gouda earlier this month following an outbreak of E. coli linked to the cheese. About 25 cases of E. coli have been reported in Colorado, New Mexico, Arizona, Nevada and the San Diego area of California, according to a release from Costco. Subsequent testing also found Listeria. The company sells a variety of cheeses, now at bargain basement prices. People who have any Bravo Farms cheese should either discard it, return it to the shop where they purchased it, or wrap it as a Christmas gift for their boss.  
  • Del Bueno of Grandview, WA is recalling all packages of Queso Fresco Fresh Cheese, Queso Panela Fresh Cheese, Requeson Mexican Style Ricotta Cheese, and Queso Enchilado Dry Cheese. They have the potential to be contaminated with Listeria. Consumers who have purchased Del Bueno brand cheeses are urged to return them to the place of purchase for a full refund, or wrap them as Christmas gifts for their boss.   
  • Montreal-based Saputo Inc. recalled cheese slices after the Canadian Food Inspection Agency warned they could be contaminated with Listeria. Saputo is voluntarily recalling 2 kg packages of Faith Farms Ribbon Slices, best-before date of May 5, 2011. The cheese was distributed in Quebec, Ontario, New Brunswick, Prince Edward Island, Nova Scotia, Newfoundland and Labrador. Saputo warns the cheese may have been in circulation in restaurants, hospitals, daycare centres and nursing homes, and Christmas gifts I will be wrapping and giving to my boss. No illnesses have been reported so far, but my fingers are still crossed… 
  • The same Bravo Farms that recalled cheese in California, Colorado, Nevada, Arizona and New Mexico has also recalled cheese sold in Alaska because of a risk of possible E. coli contamination. The Alaska Department of Environmental Conservation said Bravo is recalling all its varieties of cheese. The recall affects all Bravo Farms Gouda, Pepper Jack, Tulare Cannonball, and several different styles and flavors of cheddar cheese. Health official say that consumers who have purchased Bravo Farms cheese should discard it, return it to the place of purchase or wrap them up as Christmas gifts for Sarah Palin.

And that’s a wrap…

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  • The whole Chuck E. Cheese franchise is totally out of control. Seriously. I am constantly hearing horror stories about those places!

  • What is it about Chuck E. that makes it such a target for low lives. I really feel that I can be very superior to anyone who has ventured into one of those establishments for any reason. Even if I was a police officer, I would wait outside for the criminals.

    Nicky, must you give Michael something else to worry about? Never mind, since he’s half Brit, he’ll be celebrating the Cornish Blue win just like it was his own. You know how he is!

    Scrapie is certainly a cute name for a horrid disease, isn’t it?

  • Jepeto

    Putain c’est quoi cette merde???? Les Anglais meilleur fromage? Mais on nage en plein délire bordel de merde!!!! Putain c’est pas un concours du meilleur vomi! Nom de djeu!

    I am angry! And it takes a lot to make me angry! Ze Anglishe from ze Englande wins ze best chise? Iz it 2012 already, putain? Fish and chips iz their national dish bordel! Phoque you!

  • As WWFC’s President (I am president, right?), I suggest Cheese in the News now be called Chuck E Cheese in the News.

  • I say the Englishers have worked hard to win this prize. When was the last time a French threw themselves off a cliff in the name of cheese? Hmm:
    http://www.weworkforcheese.com/2010/03/cheese-roll-literaly/

  • I’m sorry, do I know you?

  • Who needs terrorists when you’ve got cheese??

  • Isn’t the Quebecois known for their putain poutin?? Blech!

  • Jepeto

    We put it on baguette, eat it and drink wine at the table. No need to chase it like idiots (still is funny though). We have domesticated ze mighty Cheese, the Anglishes are still hunting it. Barbarians! 😉

  • Jepeto, you make “phoque you” sound kind of romantic.

  • Jepeto

    Haye rhave ze french blood in my veins, Madame. My faderze is french, Madame. My moderze is quebecois. At least I am nutt from Toronto, Madame. Would you like a Soupe aux dents wit dat? 🙂

  • Jepeto

    It iz reumantic, madame.

  • It really is outrageous, although I think the stories you’re always hearing about…well, you’re hearing them all here! I’ve developed quite a fascination with the franchise, like a deer in the headlights. I’m repulsed, but I just can’t look away!

  • Just when I think they can’t sink any lower, they do 🙂

    The answer to that questions is, yes, I must. I can’t help it, although, I admit, I haven’t ever really tried either.

    I think all diseases should be named after cartoon characters. Kind of softens the blow a little.

  • Maybe it’s not Finland, after all. Maybe it’s the terrorists?

  • That’s how feel about Reality Television Shows like:
    “Keeping Up With The Kardashians”,
    “Millionaire Matchmaker”
    “The Jersey Shore”
    And so on!!

  • Okay, I agree with all of your answers. But you already knew that I would, didn’t you?

  • Oui!

    It just sounds better when you say it!

  • Double O- Is poutain related to poontang? Just asking…

  • Hahaha! I wonder how Kim K. would feel if she knew we were comparing her to Chuck E Cheese and deer in headlights!!

  • Ahahahahhahah.
    I think she’d be okay with it!

  • I might have to go back to Kraft singles, at least we know those don’t have e coli or Ebola.

  • Yet. I’m just sayin’…

  • I think Kraft Singles are safe, they aren’t even real cheese and they are so
    processed they don’t need refrigeration, that’s the kind of foods we need to
    eat to avoid e. coli.

  • How did you know it was Finland?? We were sure no one would figure out that we were trying to poison the rest of the world using bad cheese, so that we could close down every Chuck E. Cheese and light them on fire. See, we were doing it for a good cause.

  • “The road to Hell is paved with good intentions” Lemmikki! And I’m pretty sure your plan isn’t quite as magnanimous as you say…tell the truth, you just want to set them on fire so you can thaw, don’t you?

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