Does It Make Me A Bad Person?

I try to be a good person, but sometimes it’s a real challenge. Oh, who am I kidding? I don’t actually try to be a good person, I just try to be good enough to NOT get into a fist fight, arrested, or fired. Oh, fine! I hear you snorting in disbelief. I try not to get arrested. OK?! Sheesh.

Last week, my son Jake came home and told me he’d signed up for a school fundraising project. My first thought was “Fuck. How much is this going to cost me and there better not be any fucking chocolate to sell.” Ok. So that wasn’t just my first thought. It was also what I said. Out loud. To my charitable, well-intentioned son. That makes me a bad person, doesn’t it? I thought so.

He explained to me, while rolling his eyes, that there were no chocolates to sell. Can you give me Hallelujah! Yes, I said that out loud too. Bad, bad Nicky.

Jake was fundraising for an organization called Free The Children. Free The Children was started in 1995 by a 12 year old Canadian boy named Craig Kielburger, after he read about the life and death of a child labourer. Gathering 11 of his classmates, Craig’s mission was to free children from poverty, from exploitation and from the notion that they are powerless to affect change. Today, the organization is the world’s largest network of children helping children through education, with more than one million youth involved in developing programmes in 45 countries.

Jake and his classmates were trying to raise enough money to build a school. Isn’t that admirable? They were holding a 24-hour vow of silence. I, of course, immediately thought of how this would make my life better. And, of course, I said so. I really am a horrible person. So, to make up for being so self-centered, I told Jake it would be my pleasure to sponsor him.

I believe my exact words were:

“I’ll give you 20 bucks if you shut up for 24 hours. I’ll give you a grand if you shut up for a year. I’ll give you two grand if you can convince the baby to shut up too.”

Ok, I crossed the line from bad person to outright evil, didn’t I?

Maybe there is hope for my redemption. This is an amazing, deserving organization. You can help support them by clicking here. Or, you can support someone who supported this organization by buying that someone’s calendar here. And if you buy it before the end of November, enter the promotional code  40CLNDRS2011 to save 40%! They make lovely Christmas gifts, so buy in bulk and save even more!

I am so going to Hell.

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