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I Needed An Intervention

This fall, I had to face a very unpleasant truth. I was an addict. I was a functional addict, true, but just barely. I was just barely managing to hold on to my relationship with Jepeto and the kids, not to mention maintaining schoolwork and my job. Ok, so maybe my job and the chances of losing it weren’t factors in my decision to straighten up. Whatever. The point is, I had a problem. I had become a blogoholic. I’ve put together a list of definite signs of what I’m now calling G.L.ö.G.G (Going Loco över bloGGing), so you may also determine if you’ve crossed the line:

  1. you’ve used the words “blogoshpere” , “blogiversary” and “blog buddy”
  2. your dream vacation is a blogging conference
  3. you write about poop
  4. during conversations with people in real life, you talk about your friend *insert name here* when you’ve never even met *insert name here*
  5. you know your Alexa ranking but you don’t know your spouse’s middle name
  6. you mentally compose blog posts during work meetings, dentist appointments, conversations with friends, outings, Christmas dinner, weddings, funerals, parties, and in your sleep.
  7. you want an iPhone, even though you HATE them, just so you could respond to comments at all times
  8. you resent the things that interfere with your blogging, like your job, your family, eating, sleeping and  showering.
  9. you Google weird things like “huge crack whipping cream” and “sucks monster moose cocks” just to see if your blog ranks above porn.
  10. a drop in page views has you bedridden for 2 days

Realizing you have a problem is the first step in your recovery. Yes, you can recover from G.L.ö.G.G. It’s tough, but it can be done. I, myself, have overcome this debilitating condition. For example, because of American Thanksgiving this weekend, our traffic suffered terribly. Instead of immediately locking myself in my bedroom for a 48-hour intermittent-sleep-and-cry-a-thon, I spent the weekend doing housework and crying, with only 2 short 4-hour naps each afternoon. See? There is hope.

  

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  • Cool! A “Cookoo’s Nest” fest! It’ll be great! I hope Jack shows up.

  • Am I part of that ‘etc’?

  • Hello Sheila.

  • I’m with you, though I don’t know my Alexa Rank, however, Cardiogirl knows mine and everyone elses. I like the idea of taking up crack or something equally stupid. Is there a place to go where I can learn all about commas and (‘)s? See, I can’t even remember what they are called. That would be the alcoholism kicking in. Damn.

  • This is the problem, I start leaving a comment but get distracted by all the other comments, I comment on them (stupid comments but comments nonetheless) and then I forget what I was going to say and have to read the whole damn post over again for inspiration. Umlauts, that’s what I was going to talk about. I didn’t know Canadians had umlauts. See, learn something new ever fucking day!

  • Jepeto: Ya! Sounds good!

    (Nicky: Take away his Bphone charger – in fact, back him away from any power source whatsoever and, for sanity’s sake, keep him away from the fruit section!)

    😉

  • No Darling Jen, you are my daughter and I think you have always known
    that.

    xxoooxxx

  • Hey Jen!!

  • That happens to me all the time! Canadians don’t actually have umlauts. It’s just that Mike likes umlauts. Actually, both BonyMike and CheesyMike like umlauts…maybe it’s a Mike thing?

  • I like umlauts too, I never get to use them so this is nice to see. Maybe it
    is a Mike thing.

  • I know what Linda’s getting for Christmas…

  • I just want to say that I could stop, any time I wanted to, I just *choose* not to stop.As an aside, I didn’t know you could answer comments by using an iPhone. I want an iPhone for Christmas.

  • They only way I’d consider going to a blogging rehab center is if Dr. Drew agreed to be the facilitator. He’s a silver fox, gingah.

  • Psst, Mike. Did you download the Alexa toolbar? It saves time, that’s all I’m saying.

  • It looks like you both had a nice bump in your ratings over night.

    Mike your overall Alexa rank is 837,474 as of 5:42 am December 1st and Nicky your rank is 218,425 — you gained almost 200 points since yesterday!

    For the uninitiated the goal is to be number one — so a dwindling number is a very good sign.

  • Linda, without even being aware of it, you are right on Mike’s ass with your Alexa rank. You’re at 841,337 — a mere 3,863 points behind Mike.

  • I, for one, believe you completely CG.

    *shudders at the prospect of using apps*

    Sigh. So do I.

  • Well now that I’ve diagnosed G.L.ö.G.G., you can use the umlaut at will! Just in case you didn’t already know, Alt 148 = ö

    You’re welcome 🙂

  • Woot woot!

    You do realize that I’ll be expecting regular reports from you from now on, right?

  • Glog sounds like grog, which just makes me think that the subliminal message of this post is that we should all drink more.

  • Rena, you are a genius.

  • My name is “My Mind wandered”…no wait, thats my blog…my name is Leeuna and I am a blogoholic. It’s been two weeks since my last post and I feel myself slipping. Help!

  • Pingback: We Work For Cheese » Blog Archive » That’s It, She’s Gone Too Far()

  • Leeuna! I’ve missed you blog buddy 🙂

    Like most addicts, there comes a point when your habit excedes your means. If you were a drug addict, you could pawn stuff and turn to prostitution. As a blog addict, though, that doesn’t help much ’cause nobody wants to read about you selling stuff and turning tricks (well, some people do, but they’re just sick and not the type you want as loyal followers). In any case, everyone has different ways of getting over the dry spells; guest bloggers, contests, reviews, alcohol….maybe one of these could work for you (personally, I prefer the last option). I hope this helps!

  • Oh my god. Holy Crap! I have that also…. I need an intervention, stat! Or maybe later, I have a post to write.

  • Welcome! No worries Brahm, we’ll be here when you’re ready 🙂

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