Life

Saturday Night Filler

The last time I had supper at my parents, they were telling me about this great play they saw.

“You’d like it”, my Dad said. “They had some Flamingo players in it!”
“Dad, you mean Flamenco.”
“Flaminco. Whatever. Anyway, you play guitar so you should see it.”
“Well I don’t play Flamenco, but whatever.”

I poured some wine for the table. “What play did you guys see anyway?”
“Don something something.”
“It was Don Quixote”, my mom says as she smacks my dad in the arm.
“Ah, Don Quixote”, I said. “I read that in high school. Was the performance ‘Quixotic’? Get it? Quixotic? haha!”
“Actually, it was very chaotic. The main character goes crazy.”
“No, I said QUIXOTIC.”

Blank stares. From both of them.

“Thanks parents. Way to ruin a great joke.”

Nothing.

“Look. People sometimes use the term ‘quixotic’ to describe impulsiveness, which derives from Don Quixote’s actions as described by Cervantes in the original story.”
“Ok”
“Oh, forget it. Just look it up on Wikipedia.”
“Is that on the Internet?”
“Yes. Pass the potatoes.”

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  • My fear is that I will become like your parents 20 years from now. By then my kids will be 30, 27 and 25 and I’ll be bitching about the moving sidewalks and how I can’t figure how to use the GPS on our flying car.

    p.s. Awesome job on the photo of the flamingo with the gee-tar. How did you get him to stop strumming long enough to get a clear shot?

  • Alex is a little like your parents. Someone gave us a “Bud Vase” as a gift and I was showing it to my Mom. Alex walked in and said what’s that? I said, “Honey, it’s a Bud Vase! Isn’t it pretty?” He looked at it and said, “it is pretty, but why would you want to drink your beer out of something that small?” He likes Peanut Noir too. And loves the flamingo guitar and dancing.

  • Flamenco, Flamingo, Tomato, Tomäto!

  • You should write a blog and call it Shit My Dad Says.

  • I am totally digging that umlaut!

  • That’s a great idea! I’ll put the quotes on Twitter, gain popularity and maybe even get my own show on the Tee Vee!

  • Isn’t it great? I commissioned Nicky for “Flamingo playing guitar” and BAM, there it was. I adore just how useless the guitar looks around its neck.

  • 🙂

  • Flamingo guitar playing is really challenging because you have to do it standing on one leg. That’s the rule.

  • Mikewj

    My dad would totally get your jokes and laugh. He’d repeat them, too. For decades.

  • Mikewj

    Plus, you can only use your mouth. That’s why Jimi Hendrix was the greatest flamingo guitar player of all time. He even lit it on fire and played it flamingo style. Jimi!

  • Mikewj

    I like how it’s upside-down. Clearly, Nicky’s not a guitar player.

  • Mikewj

    Mike, I don’t want to rain on your parade, but that sort of shit never happens to bloggers in real life. It’s just a fantasy. Like the one you keep having about going out with Olivia Wilde and her girlfriend.

  • Mikewj

    I like the world umlaut. Umlaut! Umlaut! Umlaut!

  • I said the same thing to Nicky, but it actually makes it even more hilarious. I’m hoping she reads your comment tomorrow morning and laughs, spraying orange juice all over her monitor.

  • Umlaut World sounds like a strange place where everybody just has two dots where their head should be.

  • I think I actually have a better chance at wooing Olivia Wilde than I do getting rich from my awesome Shit My Dad Says idea. I mean Shawn’s idea.

  • It’s hard to resist re-using such a powerful joke. No one ever sees it coming.

  • ahahhaahhahaha

  • Hahahahaahaha! And what did I say when you told me it was upside down? Nobody’s gonna notice. Well, except Mikewj!!!

    *as she wipes the last of the orange juice off the screen!*

  • My favorite line… “Is that on the internet?” LOL!

  • Mikewj

    Well, thank you, Nicky. I hope it was the orange juice with “extra pulp.” That stuff’s messy.

  • Mikewj

    Call me if either thing works out for you. Maybe both will work out for you, and then you blog about that. And star in a sitcom with Olivia. Or an HBO series, which would be better because they’re more liberal about the romantic scenes.

  • Mikewj

    Umlaut World, where everybody says tomäto. It’s the snootiest planet in the galaxy!

  • Ewww. No, no pulp. Pulp is evil.

  • Mikewj

    You know, I meant to say “wasn’t the orange juice with extra pulp.” I’ve been having this screwy leaving out word problem again.

  • Hehe, that’s exactly what happens whenever I try to make a joke around my parents. My mom has perfected the blank stare after years of not understanding any of my jokes. Which are fine, by the way. Top quality.

  • KZ

    My mom has this knack for sabotaging all of my best dinnertime jokes. She does it so often and so effectively, that I sometimes wonder whether she’s doing it on purpose.

    I read Don Quixote a couple years ago. I know the story is often classified as a tragic comedy, but I found it hard to look past the tragedy in order to find the humor. Maybe the story needed a few more flamingos to make things more palatable.

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