Addiction Will Ruin Your Life

It was in the summer of 2006 when the problems began.omaha-heartland-of-america

I was entertaining a long distance virtual relationship with a girl from Nebraska. She seemed like a very nice girl who I’ll admit, I didn’t know extremely well, but I’m usually a good judge of character, so I soon found myself on a plane to Omaha with a stopover in Detroit.

It was the biggest mistake of my life.

Have you ever been to Eppley Airfield? The entire airport can fit in my backyard. And I don’t have a backyard. They have a counter where they sell steak in a box. Next to having the highest proportion of customer service agents per capita, Omaha is also famous for Omaha Steaks. They will ship them anywhere in the world. Did I mention that they come in a box? I’m sorry. I’m avoiding the whole point of this.

The girl.

She took me for drinks at a local bar. We visited downtown Omaha and walked through the old market district where gentrification was staking its claim. She took me to the waterfront where I realized that the Heartland of America Park was nothing but a big double entendre.

It was dinner time again and we went for cheeseburgers at a place called Cheeburger Cheeburger. I ordered mine with a Blueberry Pie shake. I could tell you how good a Blueberry Pie Shake tastes, but I realize now that the milkshake was nothing but a distraction.

I saw something in the way she looked at me as I took the first bite of my Cheeburger cheeseburger. I knew right away that I was in trouble. It was so delicious that I realized right then, that I had tasted the best cheeseburger I would ever taste for the rest of my sorry life. I ate slowly, wanting this perfect burger to last, but with every bite, I fell further and further into the abyss, realizing that I was now cursed and would be forever chasing the dragon.

Some days are harder than others.

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