Howdy bloggers, it’s me again, Jake. As you may know, I have only written 1 blog post. I am not as in to the whole blogging thing as my mom might be but this time she’s gone too far. I have taken the repetetive insults and laughed cause, lets face it, it’s funny, but I will not stay idle while she rants about how I am an oaf and, more importantly, tries to convince you she has heartfelt or earnest sentiments. As a matter of fact, everything she has told you that makes her look good and caring with only slight sarcasm (and what parent isn’t sarcastic?) is a lie. In truth, she is the complete opposite. I took the liberty of putting together a list of her traits and characteristics for you so you can see her true nature:
Her feelings as a human being:
- This is really a trick… she’s not human.
- Torturing me
- Feeding off the souls of little children
- Torturing Jepeto
- Making puppies and kittens cry… she’s sick.
- Kicking babies… dude seriously.
- Causing me pain
- Scheming (about what, even I don’t know)
- Causing me more pain
- The color black
- Her favorite children
- The idea I’m not one of her favorite children.
- Feeling happy
- Me feeling happy
- Two of me
- Pictures of me
- Rainbows and unicorns
- Thinking of me
- The thought of me being a favorite child *shivers*.
If you look up Nicky in the dictionary you will find:
- Supreme evil
If you were to use the word as a:
- Noun: AHHHHHH!!! It’s Nicky.
- Verb: I am going to Nicky that baby in the face.
- Adjective: Hell is so Nicky.
There, now you have a clearer image of what my mother is really like. I implore you to heed this warning. DON’T STOP READING THE BLOG!!! Do you want to know why? You know that monster from Cloverfield? Inspired by my mom. I would like to keep my mother as calm as possible so we will be doing each other a favor. I warn you about the horror that is Nicky and you keep me alive by keeping her happy, OK? OK good.
Till next time… hopefully