White Elephants Make Great Pets

My friend Margaret, over at Nanny Goats In Panties, decided to have a White Elephant party. That’s when everyone regifts crappy questionable items they have received and participates in a gift exchange. Because I am never one to turn down a party, I signed up.

Margaret emailed me the name of the person I needed to send a gift to. You should check out Joanie’s site. It’s really very funny and I love her banner.

In any case, I came home from work one Friday evening to discover a package on the kitchen table and a very suspicious Jepeto. “What did you buy now?” he asked. I explained about the WE party. I was all excited and couldn’t wait to open my gift. Turns out, Thomas was the lucky fellow who drew my name.

I opened the box to find a gift bag inside.

Santa bag

Inside the gift bag was another box.

Diamond pattern box

If it wasn’t for the weight of the box, I would have suspected that Thomas was messing with me and I was going to keep finding bags with boxes in them! But, that was not the case.

I opened the box and found this:


Jepeto and I stared for a while.

I reached out tentatively and turned it to examine from another angle.

Seriously. Hunh?

I admit, Jepeto and I are not dog people. That is to say, we like dogs. For other people.Β  See, they require regular walking. Even in the winter. When it is -17 CΒ  outside. Without the windchill. Which is most definitely not our thing. So, instead we have a cat who tries to kill us by winding herself between our feet as we run to answer the phone or carry an armload of laundry downstairs . Which is fine with me, because it’s warm in my house and therefore the perfect place to suffer a broken limb or death. I have completely digressed. What was I saying?

Oh yes, we’re not normally dog people. But these dogs don’t require walking. Suddenly I’m thinking they’re really not so bad. They don’t require feeding. Actually, now I’m thinking they’re kind of cute in a “I-don’t-need-to-walk-you-or-feed-you-or-pay-any-attention-to-you-whatsoever” kind of way. AND they’re not trying to kill me. AND they seem to piss Lola off, which appeals to the spiteful bitch in me.

That's for trying to kill me.

I know you were a little worried I wouldn’t like the gift Thomas. Let meΒ put your mind at ease. They are the only dogs I would ever willingly keep. I’ve decided to name them Holy and Crap, which was really the first thing I said when I pulled them out of the box. Holy is the one on the left. That leaves Crap on the right.

Hmmm…somehow, I think I unintentionally made a political statement there.

Thanks Thomas!

Related Posts

  • I had a pug I named Jorge. Nicky, what is that thing? Is it just an “art object”? You know, one of those “objet d’ art” thingies. It kind of looks like a napkin holder. Honey, put this away and regift it to someone. I love dogs, but do not want that in my house. They are weird little dogs. I like big macho dogs. I don’t want that sitting on the kitchen table when I come to visit. It somehow troubles me.

  • It kinda looks like a bookend to me. If you ever do use it as one, make sure the pups are facing outward. Then, of course, you live with too many males – they’ll probably put a piece of a Tootsie Roll just behind one of the dogs (and we hope it will only be a Tootsie Roll – but then again, they are guys), regardless of which way they may be facing.

  • Holy and Crap indeed! I wish someone had sent me a tacky dog statue BEFORE I bought the real thing. Walking a mutt at any temperature is a pain in the ass – especially at 5 am – not to mention the fact that he is smaller than most cats and likes to sneak up on me and trip me just for laughs.

  • “That leaves Crap on the right.” <— Awesome!

    I can't tell if that's a charming, yet tacky gift. Or if it's a nice yet useless gift.

    Actually, what is it? Is it a cat toy? They're coasters, right? So you got a useful gift after all. Piss the cat off AND prevent coffee table rings. Win!

  • Nope, not an objet d’art thingy. Margaret guessed it, they’re coasters in a coaster holder. I actually thought of you when I opened it…it would go quite nicely with that dog bowl/dish thing you got! Want to send me your address? πŸ™‚

  • If I’m lucky, Dozo, a Tootsie Roll is all I’ll find behind Holy and Crap! πŸ™‚

  • Smaller than most cats, hmmm? Maybe you could turn him into coasters? Just a thought πŸ™‚

  • Ding ding ding!! We have a winner! And not just because you picked out my favourite line in this post πŸ™‚

    Now, in order to collect your prize, I’ll just need you to email me your address so I can send you your coas…um, really great gift!

  • Nicky, that is so sweet of you, but I could not relieve you of your lovely new coasters, or of Holy or Crap either.

  • Ahahahahahah! I love your new dogs Holy & Crap!

  • Thanks Meleah! Don’t they wear their names well? πŸ™‚

  • Ok, but let me know if you change your mind…

  • Oh he’s a coaster alright, right down the hallway every time I trip over him.

  • They do…and, HELLO…

    Check your email!

  • And, here’s a bit of the back story. I have an administrative assistant who is capable neither of administrating or assisting. Let’s call her “Nora” Everyone else does. At least to her face.

    “Nora” knows that I have two pugs, Howard and Huckleberry, so this is what she gave me for Christmas. And, in turn, I gave them to you. I don’t really need coasters, inasmuch as I never actually put my drinks down.

    I’m glad that Holy and Crap are behaving for you. When pugs go wrong, it’s disastrous. Case in point, from my other, frequently less visited (by everyone, including me) blog:

  • “I have an administrative assistant who is capable neither of administrating or assisting. Let’s call her “Nora” Everyone else does.” LMAO!

    Why do people think because someone has a pet or pets, they decorate their house with a pet theme?

    Thomas, seriously, they’re awesome! This was a lot of fun πŸ™‚

  • You need a bunny.

  • Those are most awesome in a really weird kind of way. Thankfully I have a dog that is not available in plaster with or without coasters and also thankfully I don’t have an admin assistant who does neither called Nora, so no one will ever give me coasters of my Bassador. On the other hand I will be happy with any bunny related item because I am in love with my new bunny.

  • Can I have you next time we have a White Elephant party? I mean, can you get me so I get a most awesome gift? I say this because I still haven’t gotten a WE gift and I’m feeling a little sad about the whole thing.

  • Pug coasters! Perfectly white elephant. Very cool….I love them!

  • You win– This is the funniest WE post yet– I hope you, Holy and Crap are very happy together.
    Cheers, jj

  • You STILL haven’t gotten your gift? Poor you! That’s it! I’m sending you Holy and Crap! You’re welcome πŸ™‚

  • Hi Kate! They are great, aren’t they?! This was a lot of fun and Margaret is awesome for organizing the whole thing!

  • Why thank you Joanna! I’m glad you enjoyed it. I think Holy and Crap and I will definitely live happily ever after πŸ™‚

  • Ok, ignore my response to your response to Thomas. I am sending you a bunny related item!

  • Anonymous

    I kinda like ’em. They could look very classy in a British castle or mansion next to all the fine china and the sword collections. Of course, that’s not where you and Jepeto live.

  • Anonymous

    I have a lovely set of wine bottle and grape coasters that I won in a contest.

  • Anonymous

    Oh, that sucks, Jen. Who’s your WE pal? I’m going to write him/her a nasty letter, and I’m good at that. I’ll set him/her straight and you’ll be getting a new car in the mail any day.

  • Anonymous

    It’s Nicky’s birthday? How did you know that?

    Now I feel guilty.

  • Yes, that’s right, you do, don’t you? I bet they’re your prized possessions.

  • She knew that because YOU asked me when my birthday was when it was YOUR birthday and I answered and SHE paid attention.

    Now I bet you feel guiltier. πŸ™‚

  • How do you know that’s not where Jepeto and I live? We could have a mansion. Yes, we could.

  • Because Im good like that. And her birthday was Tuesday, the 25th.

  • Well, I made it here too! How did I miss this post. I thought I visited all the links.

    Of all the dogs in all the world….. I will say no more on that subject, aside from that is a real white elephant (or dogs) gift.

  • Better late than never πŸ™‚ You’ve heard of sheep dogs, right? These are definitely white elephant dogs!

  • Pingback: We Work For Cheese » Blog Archive » How Do You Eat A Twinkie?()


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