White Elephants Make Great Pets

My friend Margaret, over at Nanny Goats In Panties, decided to have a White Elephant party. That’s when everyone regifts crappy questionable items they have received and participates in a gift exchange. Because I am never one to turn down a party, I signed up.

Margaret emailed me the name of the person I needed to send a gift to. You should check out Joanie’s site. It’s really very funny and I love her banner.

In any case, I came home from work one Friday evening to discover a package on the kitchen table and a very suspicious Jepeto. “What did you buy now?” he asked. I explained about the WE party. I was all excited and couldn’t wait to open my gift. Turns out, Thomas was the lucky fellow who drew my name.

I opened the box to find a gift bag inside.

Santa bag

Inside the gift bag was another box.

Diamond pattern box

If it wasn’t for the weight of the box, I would have suspected that Thomas was messing with me and I was going to keep finding bags with boxes in them! But, that was not the case.

I opened the box and found this:


Jepeto and I stared for a while.

I reached out tentatively and turned it to examine from another angle.

Seriously. Hunh?

I admit, Jepeto and I are not dog people. That is to say, we like dogs. For other people.  See, they require regular walking. Even in the winter. When it is -17 C  outside. Without the windchill. Which is most definitely not our thing. So, instead we have a cat who tries to kill us by winding herself between our feet as we run to answer the phone or carry an armload of laundry downstairs . Which is fine with me, because it’s warm in my house and therefore the perfect place to suffer a broken limb or death. I have completely digressed. What was I saying?

Oh yes, we’re not normally dog people. But these dogs don’t require walking. Suddenly I’m thinking they’re really not so bad. They don’t require feeding. Actually, now I’m thinking they’re kind of cute in a “I-don’t-need-to-walk-you-or-feed-you-or-pay-any-attention-to-you-whatsoever” kind of way. AND they’re not trying to kill me. AND they seem to piss Lola off, which appeals to the spiteful bitch in me.

That's for trying to kill me.

I know you were a little worried I wouldn’t like the gift Thomas. Let me put your mind at ease. They are the only dogs I would ever willingly keep. I’ve decided to name them Holy and Crap, which was really the first thing I said when I pulled them out of the box. Holy is the one on the left. That leaves Crap on the right.

Hmmm…somehow, I think I unintentionally made a political statement there.

Thanks Thomas!

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