Guest Bloggers

I Can Only Be Me

winterstache

Winter

Ok, I get it.

 

You hate Me.

You see Me as cold, wet and slippery and it pisses you off. Well you know what? It’s not easy being a season. Most of you have been bitching out my snowy ass since I brushed your pretty noses with the very first flakes of my awesomeness back in November.

You think I just I slept all summer? What am I, a high school teacher? Ha. Since you asked, I was hard at work in the Southern Hemisphere keeping things chill over there. Just like I do every year from June to August, give or take.

But don’t think you guys are special or anything. They don’t “get” me in Australia either.

And by the way, this ain’t no pansy ass 9-5 gig either. It’s 24/7 my friends and 365. How many minutes did YOU work this year? I travel all over the world making snow here, some flurries there, a blizzard or three, whatever I can do. It’s all part of the job and I don’t even get benefits or Air Miles. Dudes, I have no use for them anyway since I’M ALWAYS WORKING.

You lazy fools.

winter is amazing

Am I awesome or what?

My job is a pretty big deal, you know. And it’s not just about keeping the ski hills covered in beautiful ski-able powder or making you late for work (totally unintentional). I got farmland to blanket. Tons of it! I gotta get a good layer of snow and ice on those acres, because without it, your precious summer vegetables will suck. That’s right “dudes”. I plan ahead. I keep it wet.

Think about it. Do any of you have any idea how shitty things would be without Me? You think everything would be great without Winter? Well cut Me out of the equation and you’ll probably be inviting my crappy-ass cousin Drought. You know who I’m talking about and he’s the worst. He’s not even a season like I am. He’s an idiot.

Some people like me. Some of them, not many, actually dress up for me and don’t mind me that much. Others shovel the crap out of my snow and cover it in salt, which is a totally crap thing to do. Not like I care. There’s lots more where that came from. I do think it’s kind of cool when people make the best of me and build a snowman.

Whatever. I gotta get back to work.

W.

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