This Was Going To Be About Cheese, But Then It Wasn’t

Last weekend, Mike came over and brought the most amazing cheese ever. A cheese so delicious, even the most dedicated cheese-hating Finn would consider packing up and moving to Sweden just to have a taste. I’m going to tell you all about it. Some other time.

That’s right. I’m not going to write about the most amazing cheese ever today. Why? Because I went to the grocery store today, that’s why.  This is what I looked like when I went to the grocery store today.

Yes, this is why there is no "Real Housewives of Montreal"

Ok, so I’m not quite Quasimodo, but let’s face it, nobody was going to be asking if I’d like to be on the cover of Vogue. In any case, I went to the grocery store to pick up a few things. When I got to the checkout, I noticed that my bag boy was a Justin Bieber wannabe. Except with better hair, worse skin and riddled with teenage angst and attitude. He started stuffing things into the bags. At one point, I suggested that maybe it would be a good idea NOT to put the 4 litre jug of vinegar on top of the strawberries. He huffed. In my head, I jabbed my car keys into his jugular. In real life, I told him to put the strawberries in another bag. He huffed, and put the strawberries in another bag. When he was done, he looked at me expectantly. I put the bags into my cart and walked out without giving him a tip.

Needless to say, I left the store less than chipper. I put the bags in my car and turned to bring the shopping cart back to the grocery store. Because of all the snow, it was a bit of a challenge getting to the sidewalk area where all the carts are in front of the store. Which just added to my good mood. Then I couldn’t get the damn thing up on the sidewalk. As I struggled to get the cart up onto the curb, people walked past me basically ignoring my plight. The curses I was muttering under my breath got a little louder with every person who walked by me. Then suddenly, a pair of hands grabbed the front of my cart and lifted it up onto the sidewalk.

I looked up to see a pretty raggedy looking man standing in front of me. I thanked him for his help and he smiled at me, displaying all 3 of his teeth. He told me I was pretty. He told me I had pretty eyes. I thanked him again and started to walk back to my car. He called to me “Mademoiselle!” I turned back. “With everything the good Lord gave you, he forgot one thing.” “Really?” I said. “What would that be?”

“My phone number” he replied, and told me his name was Maurice. He grinned at me again. I couldn’t help but laugh. I told him it was, indeed, a grave oversight on the part of God. He told me he was on his way to get something to eat, but he was a little short. I reached into my pocket and handed him a few dollars in change. The change I would have given to the bag boy if he hadn’t been such a twit. I wished him “Bon Appetit” and turned back to my car. I waved to him as I got in and he called out one last thing “Drive carefully, Mademoiselle! It’s very slippery out.”

Even though I know he’ll never read this, thank you, Maurice, for making my day a little better.

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  • Have to admit, that was a great line. I love I when people make me laugh when I least expect it.
    Is it customary to tip the bag boy, i’ve never heard of that? I should add that to my list for tip karma.

  • Aw… I love how this story turned out.

    And you’re adorable. I’d definitely put you on Vogue.

  • Damn Sweetheart! Between you and me, we could corner the market on homeless dudes. And frankly, If I owned Vogue, you would be on the cover every month. Yes, dumpling, you are that gorgeous!

  • He was definitely a charmer! As for tipping the bag boy, I usually do tip them because I buy groceries for 5 people so there are about 200 bags to fill and then they usually take it out to my car. I worked in a grocery store 25 years ago, and everybody tipped the bag boys then. With the price of groceries nowadays, very few people do.

  • Me too! He really did make my day.

    Thank you! I may not be Giselle Bündchen, but I guess I ain’t bad for an old broad! 🙂

  • I thought of you the whole way home from the store! Thank you, hon! I believe my looks are genetic…I get it from my virtual mom 🙂

  • Anonymous

    Well, you are very beautiful, Nicky, even on–no, maybe especially on–shopping day. They don’t call you Evageline Lilly’s better-looking, less famous sister for nothing, after all.

  • Anonymous

    I looked her up, and you’re prettier than Giselle. She’s overdone, her nose is too sharp, and she always stands with one hip thrust out. It looks weird.

  • Anonymous

    I like it that he called you madamoiselle. We don’t hear that much in the states. Plus, the line about “With everything the good Lord gave you….” is pretty damned good, especially for a street person. Maybe the man didn’t have any money, but he did have some style.

  • What a great story. I wonder what his story is, Maurice that is, NOT the twit of a bag boy. The BEST cheese EVER, Tetilla – from Spain – Have you tried it?

  • Well, in truth, he called me Mademoiselle because he spoke to me in French. And he did have style, charm and exceptional good taste 🙂

  • LMAO! Yeah, let’s not forgot those fat ankles of hers!! I’m sure it was another of the Lord’s little mistakes that she ended up on the cover of Vogue instead of me 🙂

  • You want a kidney, don’t you?

  • Thanks Sheila. I think Maurice probably has an interesting, but sad story.

    I have never tried Tetilla. It is now added to the list of cheeses to be reviewed by WWFC!! Thanks!

  • WOW… what a great way to start my Sunday… with a big grin. LOVED this story. I hope he had an AWESOME meal. Forget that poopy head bagger… the deserving one got the tip!

  • It’s a good reminder that even the seemingly lowliest among us has something to give.

    And when I’m God women like Giselle will be considers freaks and ostracized from society.

  • Gawd! I remember trying to push a cart in slushy snow – it was almost pointless at times. Really glad Maurice helped you out and that you reciprocated. But, would you have tipped him if he had called you, “Madame”? (kidding)

    And, who cares what you look like when you go shopping? Really, it’s friggin’ cold there, up to your knees in snow and you’re probably all bundled up in a parka and muckluks, with stringed mittens hanging from your sleeves. Now that would make a great Vogue cover for appropriate Canadian shopping attire. And they could do a ‘scratch-n-sniff’ for the wet boots!

  • Now I just LOVE reading things like this. Sadly it’s a rare occurrence now days. Not the moody bag boy. That’s all too common, but the lovely old man, who knows how to brighten someone’s day.

  • Thanks Katherine! I’m so glad you enjoyed it. I still think about what he said and I still smile when I do. He definitely earned his lunch that day 🙂

  • I believe we tried to have shopping cart returns designated an Olympic event, but unfortunately the IOC didn’t agree. After such a great line, I think I would have tipped Maurice even if he’d called me Grandma 🙂

    Actually, I was wearing a long, black wool coat and high heeled boots, but my hair was in pigtails and I didn’t have on any makeup at all. I probably looked like a 12 year old playing dress up!! 🙂

  • It is sad that moody people seem to be rampant in public service positions, isn’t it? And as for Maurice, well, maybe when you have nothing you realize the really important things in life. Like being nice to your fellow man.

    Thanks Babs, that’s very sweet of you!

  • Ha! Oh, most definitely an Olympic sport! You should get extra artistic credit for the high heels.

    “Grandma”? Don’t put lips to it dear – it’ll be soon enough when you’re throwing visual daggers at your son’s first serious girlfriend.

  • Well, no, I would very much mind being a grandmother now, but I wouldn’t have minded if Maurice had called me grandma. Actually, my oldest son has been dating an absolutely lovely girl for more than a year now. I’ve told him numerous times that if push comes to shove, I’d choose her over him 🙂

  • One person made your day more difficult and the other made it a bit brighter. Convention be damned – you definitely paid the right guy.

  • That’s exactly what I thought! 🙂

  • Awwwwww! I loved this story. And Maurice is right. You ARE pretty. VERY PRETTY. And totally-super-adorable.

  • Maurice is a gentleman at heart! Happy Valentine’s Day, Nicky!

  • Anonymous

    No, surprisingly, my kidney’s are good.

  • Anonymous

    You also speak French! Oh, this just gets better and better…..

  • Thank you sweet thing! Judging by the smell of alcohol emanating from him, I’m not sure Maurice’s judgement can be trusted…but yours definitely can! 🙂

  • That he is! Thanks Paula, I hope you have a wonderful day too!

  • Well, my liver’s shot, so you couldn’t possibly want that. What do you want?

  • Bien sûr je parle français! (Of course I speak French!) I thought you knew that already…

  • Anonymous

    I’m practicing being nice this week. Also, I have a recent comment or two to make up for, as I recall. And, to be 100 percent honest, you’re pretty. I’ve always thought so, not to enrage Jepeto or Kerry.

  • Anonymous

    I guess I didn’t fully realize it. Jepeto, yes. You, no. French is the sexiest accent. Also, in case you’re curious, German is the least sexy.

  • Well. Now I’m all flustered. Thank you. Consider yourself redeemed. I promise not to tell Jepeto or Kerry 🙂

  • Well, I only have a French accent when I speak French, unlike Jepeto who always has a French accent. English is my first language. I also have a German accent when I speak German. 🙂

  • Mikewj

    Oh, don’t be flustered on my account. I haven’t flustered a woman in…well, ever, actually.

  • Mikewj

    I speak a little German. Once, I spoke it fluently. Now, I can ask you where the bathroom is.

  • KZ

    It’s an awesome thing to behold when you realize that the chain of karma is doing its job. I like this story, Nicky. It gave me a smile.

    And don’t sell yourself short. If you were ever featured on “Real Housewives of Montreal”, I’m sure you would net yourself tons of admirers. You would be beating back legions of goofy-grinned Maurices with a stick. Some of them might even have all of their teeth. 😉

  • KZ! I’m glad to see you’ve come back from the deep abyss of turning 30! 🙂

    Thanks, I’m glad you liked the story. It makes me smile too.

    And, really? Do you really think so? That would be amazing!! *stares off into space daydreaming of admirers with teeth*

  • Aww, you totally take after your virtual mother, our very own Linda. And you’re just as pretty as she is.

  • Thank you Lemmikki! Now if only she would tell me who my virtual father is….


  • KZ

    It’s good to be back after staring into that abyss for so long. I was driving myself crazy. And yes, I really think so. I wouldn’t lie to anybody who was still kind enough to call me kiddo.

  • Pingback: We Work For Cheese » Blog Archive » This Is Going To Be About Cheese But It’s Going To Be About Other Stuff Too Because I’ve Self-Diagnosed Myself With Adult ADD()


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