Family

Why Should You Have Kids?

This is definitely NOT why you should have kids. It’s not why I had kids. Useless freakin’ lumps of brain-rotting flesh!

teens playing XBox

For Sale: AS IS!! 2 teenagers, dirt cheap, barely used because of slight defects. If nothing else, should be good for spare parts. Will ship to you. No assembly required.

This, on the other hand, THIS is why you should have kids. Now I just have to teach him to use the washing machine.

little boy vacuuming

NOT for sale, but would consider leasing. Must supply own vacuum.

Not on the market for some children at the moment, but know someone who might be? Feel free to Stumble or share us on Facebook!

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  • Mikewj

    I hate kids. Sometimes, in fact, I think they’re an argument against the existence of God. Why? Because the Bible says children are a blessing from God. Clearly, inarguably, that’s wrong. Therefore, the entire book is suspect.

    As for your kids, they look pretty normal. The oldest one could be a fashion model. And, frankly, I’d recommend it. That industry made my brother rich.

  • Yeah, they kinda suck, don’t they? That’s why I had so many of them. I figured it increased my odds of having at least one of them be successful at SOMETHING so I can eventually turn the tables and sponge off of them for the rest of their lives. Hmmm, fashion model, you say? I’m not sure, I think that would mean he would have to look away from the television to stare into the camera. I’m not sure he could do it πŸ™‚

  • Are they sticky? I’ve always avoided kids because its been my experience that sometimes they’re sticky.

  • He can just sit and watch the television and let people photograph him. Good enough.

  • The little one looks sticky to me. But I’d take them all. What pretty boys! I know they eat a lot and they are pretty much useless for most things, but they are so cute I probably wouldn’t care. I even have a cat for Max to torture. How much do you want for that one?

  • He’s the only one I want to keep…at least for as long as he wants to vacuum! Would you believe he actually cried when I told him it was time to turn it off?!

  • You’re very wise Thomas. Usually, though, it’s the little kids that are sticky. My older two aren’t sticky at all. Useless, occasionally smelly, but not sticky. Wait, I don’t think this is helping my sales pitch, is it? πŸ™‚

  • Maybe, but I’m not sure he can make a fortune that way!

  • Mine are afraid of the vacuum like the dog is. They also fear clean, uncluttered spaces.

  • KZ

    Don’t be surprised if, in a couple years, you see your little one holding an XBox controller just like those teenagers in the first picture. Hell, I’m way beyond my teenage years, and I’m still holding onto an XBox controller of my own. Kids these days, right?

  • LOL! So, does this mean you’d like to be the first to lease my little vacuuming maniac? πŸ™‚

  • I know, it’s probably only a matter of time before he becomes useless too, but I keep hoping he won’t inherit the same lazy gene as his brothers! And what do you mean you’re WAY beyond your teenage years? πŸ™‚

  • Your kid vacuums? Dang! I must have picked out the wrong one. Since mine’s about to graduate from college, I may have to replace him… I’ll probably choose a new dog, though.

  • Your teenagers look very nice. The older one doesn’t look young enough to be a teenager. Are you sure you remembered correctly what year you had him? I might consider borrowing the small one. He knows how to operate a Finnish vacuum, right? And does he know how to water the plants?

  • Ha! And awwww…..the little one vacuuming makes me smile.

  • Well, only the little one vacuums. And in all honesty, he’s not very good at it. My oldest is about to start college. I think I’ll replace him with a dog too πŸ™‚

  • Well, he’d shaved so he looked younger (he gets that from me. Not the shaving part, the looking young part). I’m pretty sure I got the year of his birth right. I spent a great deal of time drunk in the nineties (ok, the eighties and 2000’s too!) but I’m pretty sure I’ve never blacked out for a period of 4 years. Pretty sure. I think. Maybe. Hmmmmm….

  • I’d offer to send him to you, but I know you actually enjoy cleaning πŸ™‚

  • I *heart* cleaning. It’s a sickness.

  • KZ

    Well, perhaps your little one will grow up enjoying such video games as “Vacuum Hero” and “Laundry Folding Mania”. You know, stuff that will influence him to be more useful around the house.

    As for semantics, there’s no arguing that I’m definitely beyond my teenage years. The definition of “way” might be in question, though. I suppose I have you to thank for that. πŸ™‚

  • I love giving the age appropriate younger kids a bottle of windex and a paper towel. Have you tried that? They CLEAN the windows and LOVE it! Of course you gotta get the higher parts. I would say I would trade the teens for my teens, but mine look the same, so why bother, right?

  • Katherine, that’s brilliant!! Although, at the moment, Max barely reaches the bottom of the windows, so I think I’ll wait another year. Maybe only half a year. By this summer, he should be tall enough! And I think I may petition to have the legal age of adulthood changed to 13. That’s when they stop being helpful and are all hormonal instead so out into the world to make it on their own they go!! πŸ™‚

  • Caysedai

    I have two teenagers who can be found in similar positions, and yes, we have an Xbox as well. Only my teens are girls. Maybe we can arrange some sort of exchange system where moms send dysfunctional teens to different families until we all find some we can work with. Like a white elephant exchange.

  • Welcome Caysedai! Welcome and thank you, that is a BRILLIANT idea!! I’m sooooo looking forward to the next White Elephant party I’m invited to! Hmmmm, how does one wrap up a teenager, anyway?

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