There’s Nothing To See Here, Folks.

About a month and a half ago, I was having trouble with Internet Explorer. I could open Outlook and get my emails, but I could only access Explorer in Safe Mode with Networking. And it was verrrrrrrrry slllllllooooooooow. Mike suggested I download Firefox, which I did, and all has been peachy since. Until this week.

My Internet is broken. I opened Outlook and my emails weren’t in my Inbox. I got the message that I was receiving message 1 of 26, but none of them actually made it through. I waited. 2 minutes. Nothing. 5 minutes. Nothing. 10 minutes. Nothing.  I went and took my shower. Nothing. I blow-dried my hair. Nothing.

I figured I would try getting my emails via the webmail section of my ISP’s website, so I opened up Firefox. I waited. 2 minutes. Nothing. 5 minutes. Nothing. 10 minutes. Nothing. I applied my makeup. Nothing. I straightened my hair with my hot iron. Nothing. I made breakfast. Hallelujah! The home page had finally loaded.

I typed in the URL and hit enter. I waited. 2 minutes. Nothing. 5 minutes. Nothing. 10 minutes. Nothing. I did the dishes. Nothing. I did a load of laundry. Nothing. I went to work. Hallelujah! I accessed my emails at work. But when I got home, the page still hadn’t loaded.

All week long, it’s been hit and miss for various sites. The Google page tends to load in about 2 seconds. My ISP’s website, 2 hours. And I still can’t login to check my emails. Type in WWFC’s home page? 3 seconds later, I’m there. Click on a post and wait about 30 minutes. Luckily, I’ve been able to reply to comments although it takes about an hour for the first comment box to load. After that, it’s still slow, just not as slow. Until, of course, it just decides it’s had enough and stops working altogether. Jepeto can load up a sports results site, but I can’t access my bank site. I actually had to go into the bank to pay my bills this week. INTO the bank. *shudder* The worst part?  I can’t get to some of my favourite bloggers’ sites. And if I do manage to get there, I can’t always comment.

The kids’ computer, which is Linux based and therefore virus-proof, is just as wonky. Even the xBox live is messed up.

I called Mike. He was grocery shopping. I told him I needed his help. I told him I had cheese. I told him to name his price. He suggested I reboot the router.

Mike, if you’re reading this: dude, I rebooted the router. I waited. 2 minutes. Nothing. 5 minutes. Nothing. 10 minutes. Nothing. 2 fucking days. Nothing.  What the hell is wrong with my Internet?! I need help! I have cheese!! I’d show you a picture of all the cheese I have, but when I try to upload a picture, my computer crashes.  As I type this, the little cursor thingy that shows you where you are typing has disappeared. I don’t even know what’s going to happen when I hit the “publish” button. This may only get posted on Tuesday or there may be an earth-shattering kaboom and a huge, black smudge left where I was sitting. Aaaaaaaaargh!

Seriously, I have the Cendrillon cheese, the one without the ash covering. I have mozzarella, cheddar, brie,  smoked Jarlsberg, Camembert…I even have Kraft singles. And it’s all yours. Just please come fix this stupid fucking Internet for me ’cause it totally sucks monster moose cocks and it’s making me crazy. Crazier.



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