Guest Bloggers

How Do Ya Like Them Snowballs?

winterstache

Winter

What up, haters? It’s me, Winter, back with another awesome display of my awesomeness!

So Mike is on vacation and he really wants to go skiing in Vermont sometime this week. He hasn’t even been skiing in over 5 years, and since it rained all weekend, he was worried that the conditions would be too icy. He sends me a text message asking me if I could “help out” a bit. I said I would totally do it, on the condition that he go out and take pictures of my greatness afterwards.

He agreed, and man, did I ever earn my keep! I snowed like 8 inches! All over the place!

But then Mike goes and gets all “weird” about it. Listen to this guy:

Mike: Dude! You snowed way too much all over the city!
Me (Winter): Totally yeah!
Mike: I’m going to Vermont! That’s nowhere near here!
Me: Vermont, Quebec. Same difference!
Mike: It is not!
Me: Don’t worry, I snowed in Vermont too.
Mike: Jerk.
Me: Where are the pics? We had a deal.
Mike. Here.

plateau-alley-snow

Winter sez: Look what I did!

 

montreal-marie-anne-snow

Winter sez: Mike's neighborhood looks good in snow!

montreal-plateau-street-snowmontreal-park-snow

Look at that fool in the left picture. I have no idea what he’s trying to accomplish, cause there’s just so much flaky beauty, and he has this weird little tool that he uses to move it from one place to another. Oh, and Mike, that picture of the park would be gorgeous, IF IT WAS IN FOCUS. Really. Bah…humans.

Well, I gotta go back to work. I have a few “contracts” aka “You thought it was Spring, but guess what it’s not” type jobs. Hahahaha.

Lata

W.

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  • Mikewj

    You’re more than welcome here in unseasonably warm Colorado, Winter. Bring your friends Ice and Frost, too.

  • Winter, please take this in the spirit with which it is intended:

    YOU SUCK!

  • Wait, I thought Winter blows.

  • Dear Mr. Winterstache,

    Thank you for boldly showing up this season. A few years ago you were scarcely a presence in Motown so I appreciate your can do attitude. However, it’s almost mid-March. My kid’s birthday is April 20 and she’s hoping there will be no snow on that day.

    Can you please accommodate us?

    Thanking you in advance,
    we are
    the Cardiogirl Five

  • Ah, Winter… you are so fickle these days. Tempting us with a few warm days and then slamming us… again!

  • Mr. Winterstache… love it!

  • Exactly!

    *high five*

  • I’ll see what I can do, but I gotta start getting ready to head to the southern hemisphere. Glad to know someone appreciates me, unlike some bozos.

  • I know! I think I’m just super excited for my big trip down to Australia. Summer is getting ready to pack it in down there and I totally can’t wait to take my place for 3-4 months. I get all freaky about traveling in March.

  • Totally. I guarantee I’ll be gone by then. I promise. Cross my flakes and hope to melt.

  • Brookeamamda

    Snow should not exsist in March!!!

  • Oh, Winter, how I miss thee. Let me count the flakes.

    (Go ahead, people. Hate me. I’ve got thick skin.)

  • As long as I exist, snow exist! Woo!

  • Double-O, stop being so nice. You’re melting me πŸ™‚

  • Winter you are so cold and beautiful just like some women. I am getting a little tired of you however. Don’t go away mad, just go away. We’ve barely gotten to 70 more than ten times in the last 30 days. It’s time to go down south, Honey.

  • Winter you are so cold and beautiful just like some women. I am getting a little tired of you however. Don’t go away mad, just go away. We’ve barely gotten to 70 more than ten times in the last 30 days. It’s time to go down south, Honey.

  • Enough ALREADY!!! I am so over snow this season, we had our fill. I want flowers and the birds chirping. I will send you pics of them Nicky, if you just get rid of all the snow, please πŸ˜‰

  • Dear Winter, I happen to know for a fact that you have one of those β€œYou thought it was Spring, but guess what it’s not” type jobs here in Turku in a few days, they said so on TV. But I would really ask you to reconsider. See, the snow situation has gone from 50 cm to 48 cm due to a few really sunny days and I really like where it’s heading. I know you feel tempted to dump some more snow on us, but please, 48 cm is still pretty much, it won’t melt until April anyway, so you have nothing to worry about. Honestly. Please stay away, you little fuck.

  • That is totally not my fault. It’s Spring who’s late. Spring is THE worst season on the payroll. Chronically late and think they can just waltz in whenever they want.

  • Ok ok! I’ll go already. But you have to admit: 2 feet of snow is impressive πŸ˜€

  • Oh it’ll be gone before you know it. And you’ll thank me when you taste the amazing summer Finlander veggies. If you even grow any. I have no idea if you even have farms. If you do they’re probably buried at the moment.

  • I hate you Winter. Just when I can finally see a little bit of grass you dump another 14 inches on me. Screw you.

  • Rachele

    I don’t want to piss people off so I should just be quiet, but I never do what I should. Thanks Winter for giving this MI girl, now stuck in VA, just the right amount of snow πŸ™‚

  • BEAUTIFUL snow. We had one BIG snow here this year – it NEVER happens – the kids went NUTS. I loved every minute but TOTALLY get why it might make people crazy over and over… it gets pretty dirty!

  • Wasn’t it great? But I snow totally clean. You can blame the cars and pollution for wrecking my handiwork.

  • You’ll thank me later when your grass is green. Nah, probably not.

  • You’re welcome!

  • My grass won’t be green because of the snow mold and the dog pee, not to
    mention the huge pile of leaves that is hiding under the snow. F-You winter!

  • Hey, the leaves are not my fault! Blame my brother Fall for those. At least I melt. I do, cause I’m great πŸ™‚

  • Anonymous

    Winter, you really suck. Well, actually I guess you blow now that I think about it. Don’t you think it’s time to move over and let Spring have a chance? C’mon. Please?

  • You know, I actually would love to move on, but Spring texted me yesterday and said that she’s going to be late, as usual. Something about getting her hair done. What a freakin’ primadonna.

  • Hey Wint before you leave can you drop a huge ice chunk on that stupid pawfuckett raccoon or whatever it is. Thanks dude! You da best!

    Hail Winter!

  • Dear Winter…

    Thank you for just lightly dusting the surrounding mountain tops. It was spectacular. I could do with a little less wind though. Yeah, I know. It’s always something.

  • Oh, the wind isn’t my doing. It’s always there, just that it gets colder when I’m around.

  • Don’t get me started on the groundhog. That little patsy is nothing but a stupid little media pawn! And you know what that little rodent earns just to make a once-a-year 50/50 guess? Screw that thing.

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