They Call It Puppy Love, I Call It A Bitch

heart breaker

All you need is love? Bah. All you need is a great pair of stilettos.

When I was 13 years old, I fell in love. His name was John and there wasn’t a single girl in my class who didn’t lust after him. I pined, I yearned, I longed for him with every fibre of my awkward, shy, chubby 13-year old stupid being. In my daydreams, I would be at one of our school dances and John would walk in, past the row of adoring pretty girls, and up to me. He would ask me to dance. We danced while all the other girls looked on, green with envy. He would fall in love with me and we would live happily ever after. Of course, that never ended up happening.

What did end up happening was John became aware of my constant stares and my inability to form coherent sentences in his presence. Being a 14-year old boy, and an ass, John took to mocking me with his friends. I took it as a positive sign. He knew I was alive and boys always tease the girls they like, right? I did mention I was 13, stupid, and he was an ass, didn’t I?

One day, John stepped it up a notch. He called me a particularly nasty name and told me nobody liked me. Of course, he said this in front of everyone, during class. I was humiliated. Worse, I was heartbroken. I sat like a stone through the remainder of the class, looking straight ahead, unable to breathe because my chest felt so tight and mentally yelling at myself that I had better NOT cry because I was an idiot and that would just prove to everybody what an idiot I was.

I didn’t cry. I also didn’t love John anymore.

Fast forward about 15 years. I was going to a party one night and on the way, I stopped at a convenience store to pick up some essentials (wine and smokes). I walk in and low and behold, the first face I see is John’s. Before I could pretend not to recognize him, he started chatting, asking how I’ve been, what I’d been up to since high school, did I still see any of the “old gang”.

As we were talking, I noticed several things. John was fat. John’s hair was greasy and thinning. It was Saturday night and John was wearing sweatpants with holes in them. John’s eyes were bloodshot. John was a little smelly.

Then I noticed John was checking me out. I was wearing a slinky black dress, killer shoes, my hair was freshly done and my make-up was set to stun. I looked damn good, even if I do say so myself. John apparently agreed with my assessment.

I told him I had to get going, there were people waiting for me. I flashed a hundred watt smile at him. I told him it was good to see him and that I hoped he was doing well and I started to walk away. And, I freely admit, I swooshed my hips side to side as I did. John asked me to hold up a minute. He was wondering if I was single. I said I was, even though I wasn’t. He told me he’d love to get together some time, maybe go for drinks, and he offered me his phone number. I flashed another smile, said no thanks and walked out the door.

He didn’t cry. He also didn’t love me anymore either.


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  • I love karma:)

  • Kids can be so cruel. I’ve experienced it also to some degree, though maybe not in front to the entire class. Just those who happened to be within earshot. I was the new kid in class at a new school when I was 12. That was a tough year! I was never in the popular in-crowd, but in the following years, I did make friends with both boys and girls.

    In the end I guess you gave him what for by politely declining his number.

  • Anonymous

    Payback can be a wonderful thing for the soul!

  • Sometimes it does the heart good to give back as good as you got!

  • Sometimes, not often, but sometimes it doesn’t actually bite me in the ass! 🙂

  • Being the new kid *is* tough! And some kids can be cruel. Luckily, some can also be quite kind. I wouldn’t say I was part of the “in” crowd, but I did have good friends, some I am still friends with today.

    I did give him what for, and I admit, it felt good! 🙂

  • It can Dufus, it really can 🙂

  • Boom Boom, whoever said revenge was a dish best served cold was full of it! 🙂

  • Can you please send me his address. I’m going to pay him a visit. What a prick. Still, I bet you’re glad you didn’t wind up with a bozo like that. Ugh! I hate that some jerk treated you that way when you were a baby. I’d love to shoot him but he’s probably not worth the bullet. Maiming him (even more) will be fun though.

  • Anonymous

    And now, nearly a year since we first started the conversation, I think I’m beginning to truly understand why you like stiletto heels.

    Great story, Nicky. Served cold, as it should have been.

    Reticent no more.

  • ” I flashed a hundred watt smile at him.”

    And, while doing so, I’m guessing you thought that if you had a pair of stilettos way back when, you could’ve jabbed one of those heels into his temple that day in school.

  • That must have felt SO good! Back in the day, John obviously didn’t know about karma, did he? (But I bet he knows now!)

  • I think I remember that guy — or 40 just like him. Yet another reason why I’m single.

    Your payback was for all of us. Good job!

  • LMAO! I’d send you his address, but I never saw him after that and I have no idea where he is now! John wasn’t the only prick to cross my path over the years, but he is one of the few who received retribution from me! It was very satisfying 🙂

  • Unlike Achilles, my weakness is not in my heels. My power is! 🙂

    Thank you Mike. I’m glad you liked it. I’ve been told I should open up more and I can’t ignore constructive criticism. 🙂

  • Actually, Dozo, I was thinking I was very lucky, indeed, to have escaped that future! At 13, I was still very naive and much less aggressive. Even if I’d worn stilettos, I never would have used them as a weapon.

    I think. 🙂

  • It *did* feel good Pinklea! I think everyone should have the opportunity to avenge themselves at least once in their lives 🙂

  • Yeah, there does seem to be way too many “Johns” in this world, doesn’t there? Don’t give up though, Jayne. There are still some Jepetos too! (Ha, I think I may have just convinced you to join a nunnery with that one!)

    It was completely my pleasure 🙂

  • WOOP WOOP WOOP! I think I heard the song “Jar of Hearts” playing as I read this!! You GO girl! POWER!!!

  • Mikewj

    I wouldn’t do it if I were you. It’ll only bring you grief.

  • Rachele

    Great Story. I’m wondering what kind of party has you dressed to the hilt and this John fellow in sweats? Guess he thought he was still 14 and all the girls were still in love with him. Must suck to peak at 14.

  • Don’t worry. I have an extensive collection of stilettos 🙂

  • Hihihihi, thanks Katherine! It’s nice to know people do occasionally get what they deserve, isn’t it? 🙂

  • Thanks Rachele! I believe it was a friend’s birthday and I have no idea what John’s plans for the evening were. I like to imagine he was going to spend the evening at home, in his sweats, drinking alone and watching porn 🙂

  • Yay! I love a great chance to twist the knife a little, well, in your case, the heel. Great post Nicky.

  • And not good porn either, I hope he forked over 5 bucks for a dud.

  • Nicky are you saying Michael is full of it?

  • Great post. Makes me think that karma is alive and well. The guy that did me the absolute dirtiest (ever in my whole life) died of a heart attack really young. I always feel conflicted about that. (I guess it is no surprise that my blog is about being conflicted, huh?)

  • Never intentionally Madge 🙂

    Actually, I always understood that saying to mean you shouldn’t seek revenge, but now that you mention it, I guess it means you shouldn’t seek revenge in the heat of the moment. I’m not sure I believe that, but it’s probably not bad advice!

  • LMAO!

  • Thanks Madge! It certainly made my night…I can’t remember where I went after, with who, or what we did, but I do remember the look on John’s face when I walked out!

  • Welcome Cheryl and thank you! Yikes! I think a heart attack would have been extreme karma in John’s case and I can totally get why you would be conflicted about it! Now I’m off to check out your blog 🙂

  • The gay kid I took to the prom said something that has always stuck with me. He came into art class and plopped down in his chair and he said “revenge is like Christmas” I asked him to explain, he said “you are giving it to them, they may not want it, but there’s no tag, no exchanges, they can’t take it back, and you’re happy you gave it to them”

  • Smart kid!

  • Revenge…it felt good even if it was yours! And way to think on your toes, making up the part about being single!

  • Couldn’t help thinking on my toes…I was wearing 5 inch heels! 🙂

  • Love this! As you turned on your heel, it wouldn’t have been so sweet to also have turned it right on his toes. I still want to smack him. The bastard!

  • Margaret, you’re so nasty! I really admire that about you 🙂

  • First off 13 years old and lusting? I knew girls were ahead of guys, but phew. Great story and of course, revenge is always a sweet spot, especially in affairs of the heart.

  • I should probably write something nasty about this John fellow, but you obviously handled the situation quite amazingly yourself. Now, where can I get those amazing stilettos? I LOVE the ankle strap!

  • Revenge is a dish best served while wearing fuck me pumps.

  • LOL, yes Glenn, 13-year old girls lust. And you can’t tell me that 13-year old boys don’t 🙂

  • Unfortunately, I can only tell you that those shoes can be found on the internet….well, a picture of them can be found on the internet. They’re not actually mine 🙁

  • I love that! I think I may just have that tattooed someplace.

  • You go girl!! You are my new hero.

  • Thank you Jen! You know I love you too 🙂

  • Is this a true story, or a John Hughes script?

  • Completely true, I swear to …. well, I promise. 🙂

  • Boys are such asses in high school.

    You couldn’t come up with a better scenario if you dreamed of payback for your high school heartbreak. I LOVE it!

  • Pingback: To All The Bloggers I’ve Loved Before | We Work For Cheese()


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