Once upon a time there was a colony of worms living within the Utopia of Compost Box M. Compost Box M was a happy place where nourishment was bountiful. The worms ate to their little hearts content, and had a lot of worm sex too, multiplying happily.

Compost Box M was a spacious place and only occasionally did excessive crowding occur. There was that one time, during the Great Lettuce Wasting of 2009, where a sizable portion of rotting leafy greens appeared one day. The worms consumed and feasted on the leaves for days on end, not resting until it was all gone. After the glut, there was a huge worm orgy which led to a noticeable population boom. However, everyone was able to coexist and the environment within Compost Box M remained sustainable. These were happy times.

Then one day, word came that a new colony would be founded in Compost Box N. This meant that some residents of Compost Box M would be chosen for recolonization.

Everyone wriggled and squirmed, clamoring for a chance to embark on this great adventure and soon enough, a select few were traveling in high style across municipalities, via Zip Lock Bag, to their wriggler compost worms

And what a destination it was! Compost Box N was immense and devoid of other creatures. They would be the new colonists. The ones to tame this land and fill it to the brim with castings. They would be the new pioneers.

The worms settled in fast and vegetable scraps fell in great heaps from above. Life was decadent as the supply of nourishment was seemingly endless. Lettuce, avocado, radish, tomato. They ate it all. They even ate wet carbon-rich newspaper, never pausing once to read it. The population flourished and there was plenty of space to grow.

Day in, day out, they ate and reproduced. No one questioned where the food was coming from, being more than content to just consume their own weight in food each and every day. In fact, no one noticed when the deliveries tapered off and ceased altogether. It was when the food piles began to disappear that the alarm was raised.

But it was too late.

Food became a commodity and became an increasingly rare sight. Some wriggled for days, searching for a scrap to nibble on. Others fought over the remains of a rotting bell pepper. Some withered away in far flung corners of Compost Box N, too weak to travel and too far from any real source of nourishment.

Where any food scraps still remained, great clumps of worms could be seen crowding around it, desperately vying for some sustenance.

A few weeks later, the population was decimated. Those that could, managed to crawl out of the casting-rich earth and lay on the ground praying that food would come. But the lid of Compost Box N hadn’t been raised in weeks. Possibly months. Before long, the last of the new colonists perished, becoming nothing more than dessicatedΒ  husks of what they once were.

So yeah, this summer I’ll be remembering Vermicide 2010 before I start a certain someone off on their next worm composting box.


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  • Uh-oh… Someone’s in deep worm doo-doo, yes?

  • Happy Easter to you both πŸ™‚

  • That’s why I don’t compost. I just chuck my refuse off the balcony. Five stories down to the pavement, pretty much anything gets pulverized and then becomes one with the earth.

  • It’s Easter. Maybe they’ll be resurrected? Ok, seriously, I’m SORRY!! For the one millionth time, I’m really, really sorry. I didn’t mean to forget about them. They just don’t whine like my kids, or meow incessantly like the cat, so they ended up at the bottom of my “things to feed” list. Sigh. I’m so coming back as a worm poop in my next life.

  • Hey they were frozen outside. Maybe they’ll resurrect. Jesus-worms, get your jesus-woooorms! We are going to make a sustainable profit, baby. Mouhahahaha! πŸ™‚

  • Ha i wrote my comment and i saw yours after. We had the same instinct, resurrection! You complete me. πŸ™‚ Mike we are sorry for your loss, but it’s 100% Nicky’s fault. Do not give worms to women, man. The TV is great though! I’ll take care of it, feed it, whatever it needs.

  • Happy Zombie Jesus day to you too Glenn!

  • Yes they are. But I might forgive them for some cheese πŸ™‚

  • I guess Easter is as good a time as any for some Jesus worms.

  • The TV feeds on children. Got any of those?

  • Just make sure you don’t park your car too close to the building.

  • Maxime? Max? K-man? Jaaacob? guess not anymore. Thanks man, you da best!

  • That makes me sad. I don’t know what else to say….

  • I’m somewhat grief stricken over this. But, Mike, I got brine shrimp to feed my tropical fish and ended up buying a new aquarium for the brine shrimp and I fed them too. This is terribly sad. I know Nicky feels horrid about it. Jepeto sounds upset too. I’m truly unhappy over this turn of affairs.

  • Mikewj

    I sad now. Me likey worm people’s. πŸ™

  • I have nightmares…i frequently wake up all sweaty and yell OH MY GAWD I GOTS WORMS! with an hillbilly accent. They will get me one day, unless i get cremated. or frozen. or eaten by my spouse so she can gain my strength and wisdom. Yep. I’ll write this in my will. Hell even before i die, I’ll sign some legal document and tell her to eat me right now. yep. Ok back to sleep. Goddamn worms.

  • Now I am really impressed! How many men offer to let their beloved consume his wormy innards even before he dies. Nicky! You have got yourself a prize, Darlin’!

  • The whole thing is quite depressing.

    You know, as a kid I wanted a pet snake. When I realized that I’d have to feed it mice, I dropped the idea. I would have ended up with a snakes and a big collection of mice.

  • The whole thing is quite depressing.

    You know, as a kid I wanted a pet snake. When I realized that I’d have to feed it mice, I dropped the idea. I would have ended up with a snakes and a big collection of mice.

  • My point exactly! A rat ran in our house one day and Alex chased it outside and then took it a hunk of cheddar cheese. He was kind of a skinny rat. See what I mean?

  • Don’t be sad BonyMike. Death is an unavoidable step in the cycle of life, except in this case.

  • I sort of draw the line at rats, but I admire the kindness.

  • Then don’t say anything. However, if you compost with worms, keep them well fed πŸ™‚

  • I have a never ending supply of Ivy, for my worms. They’ll eat it or get the hell out of my compost pile.

  • Ohhhh, that sounds like something I would do.

  • Ohhhh, that sounds like something I would do.

  • Well, I am not surprised! Maybe you are my daughter and they sent you home with the wrong people.

  • Well, I am not surprised! Maybe you are my daughter and they sent you home with the wrong people.

  • I sort of like all creatures great and small, except mosquitoes! I hate them!

  • I sort of like all creatures great and small, except mosquitoes! I hate them!

  • Maybe, however I don’t look like a simple Mexican woman. And if you were really my mom… all the stuff I’ve said to you over the past few months would be soooo wrong. πŸ™‚

  • Pretty sure you don’t have to sign anything to get her to eat you.

  • So who is responsible for this egregious case of wormicide? You seem to be blaming somebody else “…before I start a certain someone off on their next worm…” but in the comments you blame yourself for forgetting.

    Is this piece accusation, or confession?

    BTW; if IIWG gave an award for longest comment you would’ve snagged it yesterday. -but I took your advice anyway

  • Um, maybe you didn’t realize that WWFC is a collaborative effort? This post was written by my extremely talented BFF co-blogger Mike. About me. Which is why I apologized. AGAIN!

    I was tired when I started it, exhausted when I finished. I babble when I’m tired. I still maintain that it was good advice just the same. I’m glad you took it. Haven’t people been fighting because of you long enough? πŸ™‚

  • Oh yeah, I’m a lucky girl alright! πŸ™‚

  • i have to work hard to get a treat

  • Poor wormies!!!!! LOL!

  • I know…but at the very least, there’s more where they came from.

  • Mikewj

    That’s a brilliant response, Mike. It really is. I’m giving you an award. As soon I create one.

  • Oh, you don’t have to go through that kind of trouble, although I’m curious as to what you’d call that award.

  • Cianoy

    It’s so sad it should be an animated movie.

  • Hahahahaa! Poor little wrigglers…

  • Great idea! If I could draw. But if I had even 1 iota of talent as an animator, I would do it.

  • Yep. Those little composters became compost themselves.

  • Pingback: Who Wants Ice Cream? » We Work For Cheese » Blog Archive()

  • OMG! How on earthworm did I miss this post?? It totally blew past me. Really.

    I (and my ex-significant other) used to keep worms. We ran a “seasonal” retail business. The worms we ‘kept’ were sold as bait. The casings (and the deceased) went to the garden. Don’t judge.

  • I guess it’s ok if they became compost themselves πŸ™‚


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