Entertainment

NCFTS

orangatangs

My BFF and me, hangin' out

I’m back baby! Yes! Like with all events in my life, I am thrust into the spotlight by default. It has been a long time since I posted here. Let’s take a quick look back at my invaluable contribution to WWFC:

  • I bitched on Braveheart’s Philippe
  • My first English word learned was fuck
  • I created a sport, Curley
  • I rooted for Andorra during the 2010 winter Olympics
  • I wrote random thoughts with no numbers because my girlfriend thinks it’s stupid
  • I wrote an award winning (hehehe) post in Morse code (no numbers!) and finally
  • I reflected on getting drunk
  • I wrote about work
  • Oh shit, I almost forgot that I introduced the beautiful concept of smegma cheese

Don’t you see a pattern here? Isn’t it obvious? Since my last post WWFC is doing well, but there is definitely something missing. It lacks monkey. This post was originally all about monkey, but it was rated worse than R, it was rated NCFTS (No Call For That Shit).  Alright, a couple of random thoughts should do it I guess. I’ll use food instead of numbers.

onions, garlic

I wonder why she won't kiss me?

Onion) Seen the King’s speech. Awesome. Love the part when he finally monkeys…SHIT! FUCK! TITS! We are all stutterers in life waiting to monkey.

Tomato) I suspect the Republican party has an android facility. After Palin, here comes Palin v2.0, Bachmann. Scary shit. Like all men, my analysis of v2.0 is simple: I’d tea bag her.

Giant Tomato) Bachmann says God himself talks to her. Need I say more? Yes I do! Because people don’t get it. She is BATSHIT CRAZY!!! Wake up!!!

Cucumber) Weiner. Hahaha, I know it’s all been said but man I mean the guy had a destiny I guess.  Should’ve consulted God, hum sorry, Bachmann before doing this shit.

Egg roll) I got a new name at work, thanks to a Chinese client.

Client: What is you naaaame?
Me: Jean-Philippe, sir.
Client: CHOW PEE????
Me: Sigh. Hum, yes,  sir, Chow Pee.

Moon pie) I can’t count the number of idiot clients that call. Every day is a goldmine of human stupidity. I like to fuck with them. For example:

Client (angry of course): EARTH TO THE MOON!!! EARTH TO THE MOON!!! ARE YOU LISTENING TO WHAT I’M SAYING???
Me: Yes sir, but there is no one on the moon, sir.
Client: YOU LITTLE PRICK!!! YOU PEOPLE ARE LIKE APOLLO 13, LOST IN SPACE!!!
Me: Hum, but sir, Apollo 13 did come back on Earth.
Client: YOU $#^&#%%@%@ SMART A$$….blah blah blah…

I was very happy.

Hash brown) Puff-puff-pass motherfucker!

Yeah I’m kind of rusty. Read my other posts. Ok I need a WOW factor here. Got It!!! Everybody forgave Nicky when she showed her shoes. Maybe it will work for me too?

hairy legs, short skirt, high heel

Whaaaat? NCFTS? Fine. Back in my cage....

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  • You. Are. An. Idiot.

  • Oh, and go near my shoes again and I *will* hurt you.

  • Wow.

  • I’m sure there’s a proper reaction to this, but I can’t quite put my finger on what it might be.

  • Fear, perhaps?

  • I’m sure there’s a rational explanation to Jepeto. There must be, right?

  • Did his mother drop him on his head when he was little?

  • He does have nice legs, though. Jepeto, if you can hear me inside that padded room, you should wear a skirt more often!

  • So, just to get this straight; you’re having sex with this guy, right?

  • Jepeto, know this, you have an audience in me. Please keep posting. Cracked me up, you did.

  • Yes.She.Does. And loooovin every minute of it!!!

  • Thanks dude. This blog needed some monkey.

  • Nope. But she brought me to the hairdresser to have a perm when i was 10. Oh and i was living in Haiti at that time, playing in an all haitian soccer team. Guess who was the white kid with a fucking perm on the field?

  • You leaving for 2 days right? CROSS-DRESS PARTY!!!! YEAH!!!

  • She even gave me a Heir to the Jepeto Throne.

  • Hint. Do you watch Ancient Aliens on discovery?

  • Porn star guy!  You’re back — and in drag, too.   “Chow Pee…”  *snort*  🙂

  • SP

    Tootsie

  • You are on your own for that one!

  • Jepeto

    I never left, Jayne, i was always in your hearts.
    – Chow Pee

  • donnyosmondforever

    I think I nailed it with ‘shameless’ ?

  • The thing is,  you do have nice legs.  The heels really work for you.  I’m not sure I understood the rest of this post, but don’t worry.  I’m sure that’s just me, not you.  Well, no honestly, I”m not sure of that at all.  I can say two really good things about you though.  You have great taste in women.  And you have very attractive spawn.  There!  I’ve complimented you even if I didn’t understand your post.  Nice to see you back, Jepeto.

  • Jepeto

    My post is clear as cheddar! Come on! This post will be a reference for future generations, it is obvious.

  • Jepeto

    I still don’t understand what shameless means. Wait i’ll be right back i have to go clean my scrotum.

  • Jepeto

    No. Monkey.

  • Jepeto

    People, people, people. Let me explain it then…

    Look at any system from a certain angle and it appears to be nothing more
    than chaos; look at it from another angle and it appears to be order. If we
    stand back far enough, everything appears to be working in unison as if
    preordained. It doesn’t require more than an average amount of intelligence to
    see that order may devolve into chaos, but can we see chaos evolving into
    order?

    First off, applying chaos to an already overly chaotic system is the same as
    putting more boiling water into a full pot. It does nothing but create an even
    bigger mess that requires extra work to fix and return to the original level.
    We can’t always know what the tipping point is but every chaos fed system has
    one and great care should be taken to ensure that we don’t go past it or else
    there is no hope or reaching order.

    Unfortunately, we lack divine foresight (except Bachmann) so we do not
    always know when to stop adding boiling water and simply stand back and let the
    concoction simmer; we are stuck relying on fate and experience to guide us.
    Just as enough chaos leads to order, too much chaos leads to an uncontrollable
    maelstrom which destroys everything caught inside it and ruins any hope for
    calm.

    Secondly, an ordered system must be periodically thrown into chaos or else
    it will naturally throw itself past the tipping point into madness.

    Just as no good deed goes unpunished no good society stands upright for an
    extended amount of time under the weight of its concealed burdens. Not only
    does an outwardly good society have its hidden weights to worry about but its
    gradual descent into sloth and moral degradation.

    Anyone who has had a comfortably boring job can attest to the mind numbing
    stupor it creates and how it breeds agitation and anger within us the longer we
    are forced to endure it. Just as it excites in us a kind of rage and
    depression, such self-indulgence in society leads to self-mutilation,
    misdirected narcissism, and eventual collapse.

    Better? 🙂

  • Jepeto

    Why is my text all messed-up?

  • SP

    I have seen monkeys up close and personal. Clothed and unclothed… none were cross dressed… this is a first 🙂

  •  I’ll give you the reference for future generations, but Honey, generations of what?  That’s my only question.

  • Jepeto

    Monkeys, of course.

  • That would have been my guess, but I wanted to be cheddar clear on your post.  Now I am.

  • Uh huh. It’s the *text* that’s messed up.

  • donnyosmondforever

    In response to your explanation…See what you’re capable of when you stop inhaling ? 

  • KZ

    That food numbering system of yours was really messing me up for a while.  Then I got to the picture of the shoes, and my whole world made sense again.  More monkey indeed.

  • I do write quite well when i am drunk. Indeed.

  • Mo’ monkey! yes! The food numbering system has nothing to do with the shoes, but you were close enough! Bravo!

  • that photo is CRACKING me up!! AhahhaHAHAhhaHHAHah

  • Anonymous

    Hmm…so many things going on in this post I’m overstimulated…which isn’t really a bad thing.

  • Dude, if you’re gonna wear heels could you at least shave?  Oh, and your Depends are showing.

    (Yeah, I know — I’m waaaay late for this party, but did the monkeys at least fling poo?)

    😉

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