Entertainment

NCFTS

orangatangs

My BFF and me, hangin' out

I’m back baby! Yes! Like with all events in my life, I am thrust into the spotlight by default. It has been a long time since I posted here. Let’s take a quick look back at my invaluable contribution to WWFC:

  • I bitched on Braveheart’s Philippe
  • My first English word learned was fuck
  • I created a sport, Curley
  • I rooted for Andorra during the 2010 winter Olympics
  • I wrote random thoughts with no numbers because my girlfriend thinks it’s stupid
  • I wrote an award winning (hehehe) post in Morse code (no numbers!) and finally
  • I reflected on getting drunk
  • I wrote about work
  • Oh shit, I almost forgot that I introduced the beautiful concept of smegma cheese

Don’t you see a pattern here? Isn’t it obvious? Since my last post WWFC is doing well, but there is definitely something missing. It lacks monkey. This post was originally all about monkey, but it was rated worse than R, it was rated NCFTS (No Call For That Shit).  Alright, a couple of random thoughts should do it I guess. I’ll use food instead of numbers.

onions, garlic

I wonder why she won't kiss me?

Onion) Seen the King’s speech. Awesome. Love the part when he finally monkeys…SHIT! FUCK! TITS! We are all stutterers in life waiting to monkey.

Tomato) I suspect the Republican party has an android facility. After Palin, here comes Palin v2.0, Bachmann. Scary shit. Like all men, my analysis of v2.0 is simple: I’d tea bag her.

Giant Tomato) Bachmann says God himself talks to her. Need I say more? Yes I do! Because people don’t get it. She is BATSHIT CRAZY!!! Wake up!!!

Cucumber) Weiner. Hahaha, I know it’s all been said but man I mean the guy had a destiny I guess.  Should’ve consulted God, hum sorry, Bachmann before doing this shit.

Egg roll) I got a new name at work, thanks to a Chinese client.

Client: What is you naaaame?
Me: Jean-Philippe, sir.
Client: CHOW PEE????
Me: Sigh. Hum, yes,  sir, Chow Pee.

Moon pie) I can’t count the number of idiot clients that call. Every day is a goldmine of human stupidity. I like to fuck with them. For example:

Client (angry of course): EARTH TO THE MOON!!! EARTH TO THE MOON!!! ARE YOU LISTENING TO WHAT I’M SAYING???
Me: Yes sir, but there is no one on the moon, sir.
Client: YOU LITTLE PRICK!!! YOU PEOPLE ARE LIKE APOLLO 13, LOST IN SPACE!!!
Me: Hum, but sir, Apollo 13 did come back on Earth.
Client: YOU $#^&#%%@%@ SMART A$$….blah blah blah…

I was very happy.

Hash brown) Puff-puff-pass motherfucker!

Yeah I’m kind of rusty. Read my other posts. Ok I need a WOW factor here. Got It!!! Everybody forgave Nicky when she showed her shoes. Maybe it will work for me too?

hairy legs, short skirt, high heel

Whaaaat? NCFTS? Fine. Back in my cage....

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