I’m Not Ignoring You, I’m Just Stupid

tweet, green person, marketing

This is not Tweeter And The Monkey Man.

Do you Twitter? I tweeted for the first time this week, for work. I actually Googled “how to tweet” to figure it out. Yes, I’m that stupid. But I’m not alone. On a monthly basis, there are 1,830,000 global searches for “how to tweet“.  Global searches, monthly. That’s a lot of people without a clue about how Twitter works.

I’ve been blogging for over 2 years now. I facebook, albeit somewhat grudgingly, I admit. I got my diploma in Marketing from Concordia University’s John Molson School of Business. I’ve got more than 5 years experience in marketing. How is it possible I’ve never tweeted before now?

Well, the companies I worked for in the past were quite “old school” and didn’t use social media marketing. No matter how much I tried. And I tried. And tried. You know what’s worse than trying to convince 30 year old small businesses to tweet? Nothing.

When I started my new job with a trade magazine, I was told they had just launched their facebook page a few months ago, and their Twitter account a few weeks ago. I was to develop their social media presence. No problem, I assured them. I could do that. Hey, if Ashton Kutcher can tweet, how hard can it be?

Then I turned to Google.

I found out that there are sites,  like bitly, that turn long URL links into “tweetable” small links. Awesome, now I just have to find some interesting articles I can share that weren’t written by our competition.  I still have no clue what hash tags are, or how to use them. Well, except for @. I know that if I type that before someone’s Twitter handle, the tweet will be sent directly to that person alone, and not to all my followers.

The other thing I discovered is that there appears to be a way to search for local businesses or individuals. I just don’t know what that way is. Eventually, I suppose, I’ll figure it out. Or I won’t, and then I’ll be fired, blacklisted from the marketing world, lose my house, my car, my shoes and be forced to sell myself on street corners until I contract some horrible STD and die a gruesome death. But until that day comes, I’ve decided not to worry about it.

I was going to try some hands on learning on the We Work For Cheese Twitter account, but I can’t remember the password. I’d ask Mike, but he’s already told me 15 billion times. Also, he’s been kinda busy and stressed at work, and I’m afraid this might push him over the edge.

Twitter login

I swear, Nora, if you're reading this, I will answer you. One day.

I am pleased to say, though, that despite being a newbie, I have, in one week alone, already quadrupled the number of Twitter followers for the magazine. Yup, we have gone from 3 to 12 followers. I am a Twitter guru.


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