I’m Not Ignoring You, I’m Just Stupid

tweet, green person, marketing

This is not Tweeter And The Monkey Man.

Do you Twitter? I tweeted for the first time this week, for work. I actually Googled “how to tweet” to figure it out. Yes, I’m that stupid. But I’m not alone. On a monthly basis, there are 1,830,000 global searches for “how to tweet“.  Global searches, monthly. That’s a lot of people without a clue about how Twitter works.

I’ve been blogging for over 2 years now. I facebook, albeit somewhat grudgingly, I admit. I got my diploma in Marketing from Concordia University’s John Molson School of Business. I’ve got more than 5 years experience in marketing. How is it possible I’ve never tweeted before now?

Well, the companies I worked for in the past were quite “old school” and didn’t use social media marketing. No matter how much I tried. And I tried. And tried. You know what’s worse than trying to convince 30 year old small businesses to tweet? Nothing.

When I started my new job with a trade magazine, I was told they had just launched their facebook page a few months ago, and their Twitter account a few weeks ago. I was to develop their social media presence. No problem, I assured them. I could do that. Hey, if Ashton Kutcher can tweet, how hard can it be?

Then I turned to Google.

I found out that there are sites,  like bitly, that turn long URL links into “tweetable” small links. Awesome, now I just have to find some interesting articles I can share that weren’t written by our competition.  I still have no clue what hash tags are, or how to use them. Well, except for @. I know that if I type that before someone’s Twitter handle, the tweet will be sent directly to that person alone, and not to all my followers.

The other thing I discovered is that there appears to be a way to search for local businesses or individuals. I just don’t know what that way is. Eventually, I suppose, I’ll figure it out. Or I won’t, and then I’ll be fired, blacklisted from the marketing world, lose my house, my car, my shoes and be forced to sell myself on street corners until I contract some horrible STD and die a gruesome death. But until that day comes, I’ve decided not to worry about it.

I was going to try some hands on learning on the We Work For Cheese Twitter account, but I can’t remember the password. I’d ask Mike, but he’s already told me 15 billion times. Also, he’s been kinda busy and stressed at work, and I’m afraid this might push him over the edge.

Twitter login

I swear, Nora, if you're reading this, I will answer you. One day.

I am pleased to say, though, that despite being a newbie, I have, in one week alone, already quadrupled the number of Twitter followers for the magazine. Yup, we have gone from 3 to 12 followers. I am a Twitter guru.


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  • Yeah — I don’t know shit-all about hashtags either.   The things you have to know to be employable these days.   I have no doubt that you will kick Twitter’s ass. 

  • Welcome to Twitter my Bob Dylan fan friend. As to hash tags I think you smoke them.

  • I hope so, Jayne. Seriously, I knew that if Ashton and Kim Kardashian and all those other twits can tweet, I could figure it out too!

  • Really? I thought maybe they were edible, like hash brownies.

  • @stubbornfool:disqus How many SEO copywriters does it take to change a lightbulb, light bulb, light, bulb, lamp, bulbs, flowers, flour…?
    @stubbornfool: I stole that joke I apologize, SEOs. apologies, apology, sorry, best apology, cheap apology, horny apology.

  • Oh, yeah? Shows you what I know.

  • I’m even more mystified by Twitter than I am by Facebook:  why do these things exist???  But I wish you luck in figuring it all out!

  • I, too, need to figure out the nuances of Twitter.  I get the basics but I don’t get the retweeting part.  Why does anyone use Twitter?? There is email and Facebook and neither of those limit you to 140 characters.

  • Thank you for that very helpful information. I’m sure I’ll be up to 15 followers in no time!

  • I thought they existed just to make my life miserable, but perhaps I’m wrong. I don’t think I’m wrong. 🙂

    Thanks pinklea!

  • If I’m going to be honest, I thought Twitter was just a fad and would die out. I mean, really, 140 characters? What’s the point? But it hasn’t and its popularity just seems to be increasing.

  • Pffft! 140 characters. It’s all moving towards this anyway:

  • I used twitter some time ago, I still have an account, but I don’t use it anymore.  I really didn’t see the point. It seems to be used as a business tool by people so it must have something going for it.  I’m sure you’ll be a great twit….er…..tweeter 😉

  • Great. We need to bring back hieroglyphics.

  • I’ve been having a hard time finding “regular” people, not celebs, amongst all the businesses. But, according to the stats, they are out there. If I do manage to find any, I’ll let you know 🙂

  • Reagansultani

    I hate twitter but here is something you can do to get some followers — Depending on what type of magazine you are marketing, click on the link at the top of your twitter page that says “who to follow”  you can search by name or topic.  Once you find some people who are in the same area of interest as you – you follow them and then also follow some of their followers.  Although I haven’t used twitter in over a year I somehow still have around 1000 followers.  Does your magazine have a blog?  You can have any posts you make automatically tweet if you post to a blog – so you can be a tweeter without actually having to visit that confusing site.

  • Hey Sheila, thanks for the advice! I did do that already, because I didn’t know how else to find people to follow. Good to know I was on the right track, even though I didn’t know I was!! We don’t have a blog…yet…but I do know you can have your posts autotweeted, like on facebook. We have that going on for WWFC.

    Now, if only someone could tell me why people put the # before certain words in their Tweets!!

  • I rarely use my Twitter account. I’m more of a facebook junkie. However, my girlfriend Leslie Poston, whom I’ve known since I was 12 years old, actually WROTE THE BOOK called “Twitter for Dummies”. And, it will teach you ALL you need to know about how to use twitter.

  • Please don’t think I’m a freak, but I think it is very cool that you know the author of a “Dummies” book!! I NEED to get that book!!

  • It IS awesome that I am Real Life friends with her, and have been for 20+ years!
    You can get her book here:

    {see Leslie Poston as the author!}

  • Mikewj

    I hate Twitter — although I’m not sure why — I think it’s my anti-authoritarian, rebelllious, anti-social persona — but I want to congratulate you for trying to figure out to use it.

  • KZ

    I was never a fan of Twitter, and I’ve taken many opportunities to crap on it in the past.  Back in February, Twitter co-founder Biz Stone sat down for an interview on Fresh Air / NPR.   If you have some time to invest, it’s actually a pretty interesting interview.  I have a little more respect for Twitter after listening to it.

    Twitter serves its purpose when a group of people have a need for quick group organization.  Tweeting starts becoming stupid when people use the site as a micro blogging service in order to post irrelevant, uninteresting, badly punctuated non sequitors.  That’s the kind of tweeting that I can’t stand.

  • I think it’s because you can’t say anything in 140 characters or less!! 🙂

    I’m starting to see the allure of Twitter, I admit. I don’t think I’ll ever be addicted, but I get why people Tweet now.

  • Thanks KZ, I’m definitely going to check out that link (when it’s not 6 freakin’ AM and I don’t have to get ready for work!!)

    Because I’m using Twitter for work, the “people” I’m following are mostly businesses, so I haven’t run into that micro-blogging yet. I know it exists, though, and I figure it’s only a matter of time before I end up following a few of them. Sigh. The things we do for money…


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