Life

Learning To Paint

Have you ever wanted to learn to paint? I remember learning to paint with Bob Ross. Or rather, I remember intending to learn to paint with Bob Ross. I don’t think I watched more than 1 full episode. Remember Bob?

Yeah, besides instantaneously realizing I have no natural artistic talent, Bob also made me feel relaxed, light, and nice. I was not comfortable with those feelings. Stress, cynicism and bitchiness are the things that have always made me tick.

Tonight, however, Max wanted to paint, and I was transported back in time to a time when clouds were happy and a tree was never painted alone, but with another tree friend. I sat with him and let my creative juices flow through the paint brushes.

painting, elephant, rhinocerous, blue sky, sun, flowers, clouds, grass

We took Max to the zoo for his birthday. This is him playing with a blue elephant and a red rhinoceros. Notice the happy clouds?

Ok, so maybe abstract is more my thing.

swirling colours, rainbow colours, painting

This is a picture of Max playing with a blue elephant and a red rhinoceros. Notice the happy clouds?

Yeah, well, maybe I’ll take up sculpting.

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  • Nicky, You can paint the town red. You can watch paint dry. You can be a painted Jezebel. You can paint yourself into a corner.ย 

    That’s a pretty good elephant. For Max. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • I always liked “there are no mistakes, just happy accidents” those are words to live by, and how did he get through life with an Afro for so long?

  • Yep. I think abstract is your thing ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Compared to me you are the equivalent of Da Vinci. Love the blue elephant.

  • Ahhhh, Cheryl. You are obviously a connoisseur of the arts. For a mere $5 000, the painting titled “Max and the Blue Elephant” can be yours. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • From a talented artist such as yourself, that would be great praise. Alas, I know what a sweet person you are, therefore I also know that was really great kindness. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Thank you, Babs!

  • Whoever said that obviously never potty-trained a child! ๐Ÿ™‚

    The hair did have a life of its own, didn’t it? It was his trademark until he died in 1995. After he died, I believe the hair retired to a little town in Vermont.

  • I can also poke you in the eye with a paintbrush.

    Max loved the elephant, but he really loved the rhino. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Bob Ross used to say that all the time. I’m pretty sure that his kids probably had pee pants all the time becuause of it.

  • I always found that Bob guy a little creepy. ย It’s funny, though, he kinda resembles George Carlin, complete with the lilt in his voice that makes him sound like he’s high on something. ย “Happy little clouds.”

    ๐Ÿ˜‰

    I do like the abstract, though. ย 

  • Jepeto

    The Oracle didn’t comment yet but it is clear to me. Your paintings all represent penises. Erect ones. Look at the trump, the trunk and the horn. The abstract one too, with stains. And Bob Ross is literally an inverted erected penis (pubic hair from the top).

  • No, I wasn’t being kind. If yours had been painted in acrylics on canvas, you could put it amongst other abstracts (by artists) and you wouldn’t pick yours out as being worse than theirs. It’s very colourful, and does actually look like a sky full of clouds and rainbows ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • I like the abstract…it rather resembles gummy bears.ย  I like your painting much better than gummy bears, though.ย  That’s the good thing about abstract – you can see anything you want to see.ย  I also agree with Babs about the rainbows.ย  Keep on painting!

  • I would love to be able to paint a blue elephant like you did.ย  And it does not look like a penis.ย 

  • Thank you Babs! You’ve convinced me to try again, with real paints next time. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • I don’t know if it’s true or not, but I’d heard he was a Viet Nam vet and it left him a little wonky. I also heard that he could freak out pretty bad too.

    Thank you!

  • I don’t even know what to say. Really.

  • Gummy bears? Sure, I can see that. ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for the encouragement Linda!

  • Thank you Jayne! I actually thought the elephant was cute in a whimsical kind of way…hardly museum-worthy, but cute. And no, it doesn’t look like a penis. Jepeto has trunk envy. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Oh that’s great. You go for it ๐Ÿ™‚

  • “Jepeto has trunk envy.” ย  LOL! ย *snort, spit, fart*

  • I don’t understand what you’re talking about; my tree never had any tree friends, and my coulds were always crying. And I never learned how to paint an elephant. I love yours, though. It’s very… blue.

  • Oh snap! I haven’t thought of Bob Ross, since I was 5 years old! And I love both of these paintings.ย 

  • Mikewj

    Bob Ross was like human pot. I watched him from high school through my first couple of jobs. I’d throw myself on the couch, watch him paint a perfectly acceptable sofa-sized landscape in 30 minutes, and then hit the Doritos. Strangely enough, your paintings have the same effect on me.

  • Mikewj

    I have to agree with Jepeto: These paintings do contain a lot of raw sexuality, including phallus-like objects. The first one speaks for itself — the long, thin penis on the blue elephant, the shorter, chubbier one on the red elephant, the obvious reference to oral sex as evidenced by the blue elephant’s extended tongue, the actual — and may I say nearly pornographic — sex that’s taking place between the flowers, and, of course, the anterior view of male anatomy afforded to viewers in the sun (anus), leaves (hairy balls) and tree trunk (wow, Jepeto is either well-endowed or lacking).

    The second painting is obviously an orgasm.

    Does this make them wrong? Not at all. Not unless you’re bothered that I’m not wearing pants right now.

  • KZ

    Oh God, that’s awful and awesome all in one breath. ย Thanks for the laugh!

  • KZ

    The abstract painting kind of reminds me of that drunken acid trip scene from Dumbo. ย Is that just me?

    By the way, your clouds look much happier than any clouds I could ever paint. ย I’m awful with my hands. ย Good on you for the attempt, and for sharing your paintings with all of us, including the smart asses of the world who would like nothing better than to find all of the faintly phallic imagery in your work.

    I do have to admit…after reading all of the other commentary, the phallic shapes in the abstract picture are starting to come into focus.

  • Share the Doritos, won’t you?

  • That’s MikeWJ, awful and awesome all in one breath. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Bob Ross always painted happy clouds and trees had to be painted with a friend. I’m a bit of a rebel, though. I only painted one tree. Thank you Lemmikki. It is very…blue, isn’t it?

  • Bob was something else! I’ll sign them and send them to you ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Your lack of pants doesn’t bother me at all. The fact that you called my red RHINO a red elephant bothers me a great deal. Jerk.

  • Yes, it’s just you.

    My clouds were very happy. My glass was also half empty, if you catch my drift! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Look away from the abstract KZ! You’ll never be the same again…

  • Mikewj

    I missed the fact that it’s a red rhino. But now that I see it, and see how that rhino is looking longingly at the elephant, which has positioned itself invitingly and raised it’s tail receptively, I now understand that this painting is more than an expression of animal lust. It’s an allegory for the acceptability of inter-racial love. And on that level, it’s simply brilliant, a modern work of art. Also, really, really hawt.

  • Okay! Deal!

  • Wanna buy it?

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