Do you like cheese?
Do you like bacon?
How about bacon cheese??
That’s what I thought when I came across Phare de l’Ile Ronde‘s 5 years old red wine laced cheese. Got that? Red wine laced cheese. Or as described on the package: “Macereded in fortified red wine, 5 years age”.
Since it only kind of looks like bacon, I thought it might be possible to marry cheese and bacon in an unholy union of cholesterol and lactose.
I started by putting on some music. I chose The Rolling Stones Beggars Banquet because it sounds like food and there’s a lot of slide guitar which sounds like greasy bacon slipping down your throat. Oh Yeah.
Now, I found a few instances on the web of people wrapping cheese in bacon. Everyone I found doing this wrapped the cheese in bacon and then baked it. All of these people are fools. This is how you do it:
Heat up a pan with some olive oil (it makes it healthy!). Cook the bacon like so. Not too crispy:
Sop up the oil and let it cool while you cube up the cheese. This cheese is firm and not unlike Jarlsberg. Cuts like a dream with no sticking.
Then I cut the bacon strips in half, wrapped the cheese, secured with toothpicks, tasted one, and passed out because it was too good. When I woke up, I poured another glass of Campari with Sprite and sat outside, contemplating what I’d done while tears ran down my cheeks.
It was beautiful. And sad. Beautiful because it’s cheese and bacon. Sad because I will never make something this glorious again.