What If…

What if we were to enter a blog contest for an extreme blog makeover and we actually won?

sky, clouds, sunlight, rays, angels singing

Yes, I really do think the clouds will part and angels will sing if we win.

We need a blog makeover because with a brand new awesomely fantastic blog design catching their attention, people who normally “click through” our site would actually stop and read. The premium SEO submission to search engines would garner us tons of visitors previously unable to find relevant content when Googling “monster moose cocks”. People would find my post on learning how to Tweet, take pity on me, and teach me everything there is to know about Twitter. I would become a Master Tweeter and we would have more followers than Lady Gaga. A single tweet of “S’up?” would get eleventy zagillion replies and retweets. “S’up?” would trend for weeks, possibly months.  People would read Mike’s post about his addiction to Cheeburger Cheeburger, take pity on him, and send him money to help support his habit. He would become a Master Eater and start posting a weekly video feature called “How Much More Can He Possibly Eat?” which would go viral. His new “reality” posts would mean instant fame and recognition. We would make eleventy zagillion dollars in blog advertising revenues. We would be more popular than “She Who Shall Not Be Named”. People would hang on our every word. Google would decide to rename itself Cheesle after us. The masses would beg us to run for office. We would do so, and win, marking the first time in history a single nation had 2 elected leaders. The world would be in awe. We would be approached by other nations’ leaders to please take over their countries too. We would. Eventually, every person everywhere would petition for us to please become Supreme Leaders of the planet. We would. Aliens would descend to Earth and request we submit to an anal probe. We would send Jepeto. There would be peace on Earth and in space and everyone would be happy.

concert, dancing, silhouettes, people

Yes, I really do believe people will celebrate cheese domination.

What if we were to enter a blog contest for an extreme blog makeover and DIDN’T actually win?

destruction, ruins, ugly, face, toy

Yes, I do believe it will end badly. Very badly. For everyone.

Ahhh, what if….?




  • RSS Feed
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest