What If…

What if we were to enter a blog contest for an extreme blog makeover and we actually won?

sky, clouds, sunlight, rays, angels singing

Yes, I really do think the clouds will part and angels will sing if we win.

We need a blog makeover because with a brand new awesomely fantastic blog design catching their attention, people who normally “click through” our site would actually stop and read. The premium SEO submission to search engines would garner us tons of visitors previously unable to find relevant content when Googling “monster moose cocks”. People would find my post on learning how to Tweet, take pity on me, and teach me everything there is to know about Twitter. I would become a Master Tweeter and we would have more followers than Lady Gaga. A single tweet of “S’up?” would get eleventy zagillion replies and retweets. “S’up?” would trend for weeks, possibly months.  People would read Mike’s post about his addiction to Cheeburger Cheeburger, take pity on him, and send him money to help support his habit. He would become a Master Eater and start posting a weekly video feature called “How Much More Can He Possibly Eat?” which would go viral. His new “reality” posts would mean instant fame and recognition. We would make eleventy zagillion dollars in blog advertising revenues. We would be more popular than “She Who Shall Not Be Named”. People would hang on our every word. Google would decide to rename itself Cheesle after us. The masses would beg us to run for office. We would do so, and win, marking the first time in history a single nation had 2 elected leaders. The world would be in awe. We would be approached by other nations’ leaders to please take over their countries too. We would. Eventually, every person everywhere would petition for us to please become Supreme Leaders of the planet. We would. Aliens would descend to Earth and request we submit to an anal probe. We would send Jepeto. There would be peace on Earth and in space and everyone would be happy.

concert, dancing, silhouettes, people

Yes, I really do believe people will celebrate cheese domination.

What if we were to enter a blog contest for an extreme blog makeover and DIDN’T actually win?

destruction, ruins, ugly, face, toy

Yes, I do believe it will end badly. Very badly. For everyone.

Ahhh, what if….?


Related Posts

  • Mikewj

    You said Master Tweeter and anal probe. *snicker*

  • Yes. Yes, I did. And I’m not ashamed at all. Much.

  • That’s cruel. You got Jepeto’s hopes up…unnecessarily.

  • Now you see, you need the extreme blog makeover. You didn’t tag Lady Gaga.  Now none of the ‘little monsters’ will click through to this post.

  • Who was the model for the last picture?  I suspect that the people over at Tribal Blogs just moved you to the front of the line.

  • Jepeto

    …and i am the one writing chaotic/unreadable/wtf posts…uh huh. What i understood is extreme makeover and anal probe. I am totally down with the aliens probing my anus. One for the money, two for the show. As for the extreme makeover does it include the actual blogger? I hope so pliiiiize. Love you babe 🙂
    p.s: get those meleah-type boobies. Double M.

  • What? This post was totally understandable. I’m relieved you don’t have issues with the anal probe, although, to be honest, I wasn’t really worried. No, the prize does not include a blogger. Idiot.

    p.s. Idiot.

  • The model for the last picture was definitely not me. Really. I swear. Ok, so I was having a bit of a bad day. Whatever. 🙂

    I hope you’re right, Cheryl!!

  • Aargh! I knew I forgot something!! See? This is why we need the makeover!!

  • Ahhh, if it isn’t the competition! We shall see, sir. We shall see…


  • You noticed, too, eh? 

  • Bad hair day?

  • Bring it!

  • Jepeto

    Hard to miss 🙂

  • Jepeto

    Just get the boob job, honey-pie 🙂

  • Jepeto

    More of a bad air day.

  • here’s hoping you win!

  • Must have been the tacos and refried beans last night.

  • Hey, what about me? 

    I think I’ll hang out here cause my blog’s such a mess.

  • 🙂

  • I don’t understand how you could lose, actually.  But then I didn’t really understand all that stuff you were talking about in the first place.  Sometimes I think you could just run for PM up there in that place you live, but honestly, I think you’d be better as Empress of All She Surveys.  

  • I love that title!  When we win *fingers crossed* that is the title I am going to use.

  • Thanks sweet thing!

  • What about you? Well, when we win, we will appoint you court jester and punny man. You’re welcome 🙂

  • Consider it brought!

  • I think we could ad the words “Perfect and Beautiful” to your title as well.

  • I absolutely love the graphic of people celebrating cheese domination! That should be your new logo!

  • I’m glad you didn’t say the last picture should be our new logo…! 🙂

  • So when do the polls open?

  • The polls open on Monday!  Don’t forget to vote 🙂

  • Oh, pulleeeeze.

  • No need to beg, Dufus. I’ll go ahead and add them. You can call me Perfect and Beautiful Empress of All She Surveys. Just please stop grovelling. It’s embarrassing.

  • Jealousy is not pretty, Dufus.  And you look terrible when you are green!

  • Hey, it’s not easy being green. 

  • Um, that’s not exactly what I’d call you.

  • When she is Empress it’s what you’ll call her all right!

  • How quickly they turn.

  • I think the very best blog design would be to have that dead doll in the background… TOTALLY COOL!!!

  • I will vote!…can you remind me subtly to get my ass over to vote. I’m bad with appointments…ask my doctor…and my hairdresser…oh, yes, and my dentist. I will vote dammit!
    On a totally unrelated note, I’m so jealous that you and Meleah met, then Meleah met Margaret…just thought I’d put my feelings out there again.

  • Put me on your voting reminder list because I’m SOLD, girl!

    Also? “monster moose cocks” = awesome.

  • It is cool, isn’t it? But I don’t think it would work for us….people might get the wrong impression that cheese will actually destroy the world. That, and I think it’s more representative of me than of Mike. 🙂

  • It will be my pleasure to remind you to vote for me, but I wouldn’t bank on my being subtle!!

    Well, you won’t have to be jealous for very long, will you? Seems to me you’ll be visiting Montreal in a month’s time and you can bet your six-pack we’ll be getting together!!

  • Consider yourself reminded! 🙂

    I’m glad you like it, feel free to use it anytime!!

  • Pingback: On The Campaign Trail » We Work For Cheese » Blog Archive()

  • Skeeter-

    Dufus, I voted! Unless someone here wants to give my caption contest @ deaddog a free/ bribe plug!! Lol

  • Be sure and visit Deaddog Blog for Skeeter’s weekly caption contest at Thanks for the vote, buddy. See, Nicky. I have friends too. Not many, mind you.

  • Skeeter, we would be happy to promote you!! We love you!! We abuse exclamation points in your honour!! And don’t worry if you’ve already voted for Dufus!! You can always vote again from your work computer, or an Internet Cafe computer or a library computer or anywhere else there is a computer!!


  • RSS Feed
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest