Food

Disgusting String Cheese

wet salty string cheese

Click for larger, saltier, image

If you like wet, salty cheese, and I mean REALLY salty, then this cheese is for you.

Yep, I’ve finally tried a cheese that I don’t like. And by “don’t like”, I mean “could barely swallow it”.

String Cheese is one salty-ass cheese!

It was saltier than my mother’s black bean sauce experiment, aka The Black Bean Sauce Disaster of 1978.

To her credit, it wasn’t entirely her fault. There was a typo in the recipe which called for 1 cup of salt. She overlooked it however (totally her fault) and one taste made us feel a certain kinship with Lot’s wife, aka That Salt Chick from the bible.

Back to string cheese.

String Cheese is also wet. I have a problem with wet cheese. Like feta cheese when it’s floating disgustingly in a water filled bucket. I don’t mind feta on pizza, salad or souvlaki, but in it’s natural habitat? Stomach churning. So yeah, string cheese was already setting itself up to fail even before we met and I had a taste of it.

There are many different types of string cheeses, but the only one I could find that describes the one I tried is Slovakian Korbáčiky.

Also, the string cheese had these little dark spots on it. Before I could say anything, my friend assured me that it wasn’t mold, but seasoning.

Pro tip: If something looks like mold to you and then someone mentions that it isn’t, it probably is. And if it isn’t, the idea that it is has now been put in your head making ingestion impossible.

Strike three.

wet salty string cheese with spices

If those are spices, why aren't there more of them?

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  • That’s definitely mold. But what’s all that disgusting white stuff? 

  • Why, oh, why does that even exist?

  • Seriously looks like a plate of tripe or tapeworm, no thanks

  • I thought string cheese was for kids’ lunchboxes. Huh.

  • Damn, that is nasty looking stuff.  As it is really hard to find a cheese that I wouldn’t love but that might just be it.  I like some string cheese.  Yes, a bit salty but a good snack with wheat crackers.

  • Anonymous

    Uh, not to be technical when you’re clearly crying out for emotional support, but doesn’t cheese owe its existence to mold?

  • First just let me say YUCK!  Secondly…Nope, I think YUCK pretty much covers it.

  • I don’t know. But they sell it, so there’s a market, ya?

  •  It’s all kinds of unappealing.

  •  It is, and in fact, this is one of those times that I would prefer processed cheese over real cheese. Processed string cheese is fun at least.

  • That is an excellent question! And you’re right of course, but I thin this was the wrong kind of mold.

  • Yes, a bit salty is fine. I generally keep salt out of my diet, so I was unprepared for the “assalt” on my sense. Get it? Assalt? Assault?

  • I’m still trying to figure that out.

  •  Pretty much. No need to analyse any further.

  • Well that’s just too ooey, gooey and gross.  But I guess kudos to you for taking one for the “Cheese Team”.

    Gah!

    And yet he wonders why I have an aversion to trying blue cheese.

    😉

  • I’m with you on the ‘wet’ thing.  I would not like my cheese all wet – Yuck!  I have to agree with Madge. Tape worm is a pretty good description.

  • Trust me, you’re not the only one with said aversion. I don’t mind blue cheese in a salad, or crumbled in something but I actually won’t buy that one unless it’s requested. Bah…this post is depressing because there’s like zero cheese love.

  • Cheese must be dry! Also, I think it looks alot like pasta, but pasta gone wrong. I don’t know. I feel bad hating a cheese.

  • I’ve seen a lot of “mommy” types carrying this stuff around for their kids who apparently like it.  Frankly, I wouldn’t give it to my dogs.  It looks disgusting. 

    The one wet cheese I can deal with is the mozzarella.  I love it with fresh basil, heirloom tomatoes and a little olive oil. 

  • Yuck! That String Cheese even LOOKS gross!

  • Jepeto

    Lot was a Sodomite, right?

  • Anonymous

    So there’s good mold and bad mold? I suppose you also believe there are good and bad people? We’re all moldly in God’s eyes, Mike. Or something like that. I sorta lost my train of thought there. Probably ate too many shrooms.
     

  • See? ‘Shrooms are the same way. There’s good fungus and bad fungus but mostly bad.

  • He totally was, having lived in Sodom.

  •  And looks are NOT deceiving in this case!

  •  I think you’re thinking of the processed string cheese. That stuff is edible. There’s no way a kid would eat this stuff and not freak out!

    I forgot about mozzarella. I remember it being maybe a little oily which makes any pseudo wetness forgivable.

  • Blech!

  • Jepeto

    Sucker!

  • You do realize that’s actually whale sperm, and not cheese, right?

  • Jepeto

    That’s why it’s salty…hum, like i would know, uh…nevermind…delete!delete! 🙂

  • I’ll never get the image of you going down on a whale out of my head now. No wonder you’re so good with monster moose cocks.

  • KZ

    To answer the question posed by your final caption: They’re selective spices, perhaps?

    One *cup* of salt.  Yikes.

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