Holidays

I Give Thanks Everyday That I’ve Been Able To Take My Craziness And Make It Work For Me

cross eyes, crossed eyes, weirdo, freak, idiot

This is not a picture of Mike. Really.

The title of this post is a quote by artist Fritz Scholder. He was a very drunk when he said it. That doesn’t make it any less true. Keep that in mind. Monday, October 10, 2011 is Thanksgiving in Canada, and in the spirit of tradition and Canadian Whiskey, I’d like to take a moment and share with you some of the things I am thankful for.

I am thankful for Canadian Whiskey.

I am thankful for Jepeto, and for really big cages.

big cage, person in cage, jail, prison

You wouldn't believe how many members of my family can fit uncomfortably in a cage this size.

I am thankful for  my 3 amazing sons, and for really big cages.

I am thankful none of my kids listens to Justin Bieber.

I am thankful for my awesome co-blogger Mike, because he doesn’t live in my house.

I am thankful for my parents, who also don’t live in my house.

I am thankful for everyone who does not live in my house.

I am thankful I no longer work in the seventh circle of Hell.

I am thankful for cheese.

I am thankful for underwire bras.

I am thankful my cat, Lola, has not found a way to kill me. Yet.

I am thankful I’m not participating in an intervention this holiday weekend. Again.

I am thankful for my in-laws, especially my sister-in-law who just happens to be a very talented lawyer with a knack for having charges reduced to misdemeanor offenses. You know. On the off-chance that kind of thing is necessary.

I am thankful for the terms “temporary insanity”, “not of sound mind” and “justifiable homicide”.

fat woman, silhouette

Frank had a great personality.

I am thankful I do not share a cell living space with a 6’2″, 400-pound, bearded woman named Frank. Anymore.

I am thankful most employers do not run background checks on potential candidates.

I am thankful the box of cookies in the cupboard actually had 1 cookie left.

I am thankful bathroom scales break when you smash them repeatedly with a sledgehammer.

I am thankful for Dear Abby columns that make me realize my life isn’t so bad because I don’t have a husband who is a cross-dresser with nicer clothes and a better body than me and is addicted to Internet porn. That’s right, Jepeto and I aren’t married.

glass of whiskey, canadian whiskey

I'm not a glass half full kind of girl. I'm more of a bottle half empty kind of girl.

But most of all, I am thankful for Canadian Whiskey. Oh, and also you, our loyal readers, our dear friends, our lurkers who never comment (what’s up with that, btw? Would it kill you to leave a fucking comment?! At least click on the “Like” button or Tweet us or something. Be  proactive, dammit.), our random visitors who found us by Googling “monster moose cocks” (you freaks rock our world!) and all of you who stumble upon up our little blog, driving up our numbers to 16 and getting us one step closer to fame, fortune and world domination. You are the best and we love you. Long time.

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  • So, if it’s not a picture of Mike, it’s gotta be Jepeto, right?

    😉

    P.S.  Happy Thanksgiving and don’t drink the “bird” all in one sitting, eh?

  • And I love you long time too!  I’m grateful for all the things you are grateful for too.  I’m grateful for a lawyer son who uses phrases like “community property” and “alienation of affection” and “loss of consortium” and “she gets everything”.  Happy turkey day!

  • Shouldn’t we all be thankful for monster moose cocks??!!?? That should have probably ranked up there with very large cages!

  • Have a happy Thanksgiving. 

    I wonder how long we have to wait to get that holiday in the UK. Maybe we just aren’t thankful enough, though if they gave us another festive holiday I’m sure we’d all be very thankful.

  • Jepeto

    What’s for supper, turkey?  Notice i did not write what’s for supper? Turkey?
    I am thankful for having an undersized penis because it keeps me humble and frustrated.

  • Jepeto

    I have a little bit more hair and i am way more good-looking than that punk! I look like Bob Ross. On Acid. Wait. Bob Ross was on acid. Must’ve been…or at least shrooms. Anyway i look like me, ok?

  • I shall hereby toast our cyber friendship with a glass of Canadian Whiskey while nibbling on some cheese!

  • I am thankful that you write such funny posts that make me laugh.  I am sorry that I can’t be thankful for Canadian Whiskey though.  (I am unable to drink anything with alcohol in it). I have never given much though about being grateful for really big cages but from here on out I will work on my gratitude for them.

  • Slow down, gingah. I am looking at your 2011 Cheese Calendar — this month features Eggplant Parmesan — and there’s nothing on here about Canadian Thanksgiving Day on the 10th.

    It’s Columbus Day (which just means I’ll be pissed off because we will not receive mail; that’s *all* that day is to me — a no mail day.)

    By the by, Thanksgiving in Canada would make a cool name for a novel. And Frank would definitely have to be one of the colorful characters.

  • Unfortunately, the good folks over at Zazzle don’t know squat about Canadian holidays. Trust me though, tomorrow is Thanksgiving in Canada. I’ve got the elastic waist pants to prove it.

    Now I *have* to start a novel called Thanksgiving in Canada. Frank will definitely be in it.

  • I’m sorry, but I am VERY thankful that I am not allergic to alcohol the way you are. I can’t imagine a world with a sober Nicky in it. I don’t think the world would want to imagine it either!

    I’m sending you a really big cage today. You’ll wonder how you ever lived without it, trust me!!!

  • Cheers to you Boom Boom, and pass the Havarti! 🙂

  • Get. In. Your. CAGE!!

  • I think you should just go ahead and start one for yourself Babs. You and Mo should have turkey with all the trimmings. And then have LOTS to drink and make a list of all the things you are thankful for. I bet Frank won’t be on your list 🙂

  • You know, maybe I should have specified that my list wasn’t in any particular order. Really, it depend on the day. There are days I am more thankful for the cages than for anything else. Other days (most days) it’s the Canadian Whiskey. 🙂

  • Being related to a lawyer is the best, isn’t it? I wasn’t aware there was a legal term “she gets everything” but it did make me laugh! Thanks hon! xoxoxox

  • Sure. Jepeto. Of course it’s *Jepeto* 😉

    Thanks Dozo, but I can’t make any promises!!

  • Cage. Now.

  • Happy Thanksgiving and please take down that picture of me.

  • You’ve got some damn great things to be thankful for.   Happy Thanksgiving.   I’m thankful for such a damn witty friend.   And yeah, lurkers.  WTF?   It’s going to kill you to leave a fucking comment.  This lady rocks.   Tell her so.   Don’t make me have to bitch-slap you.

  • Thanks Shawn, you too. And no.

  • Hehehehehe…now they’ll comment for sure! 🙂  Thanks, Jayne, for the compliments, the support, the friendship and everything else.

  • Wow, you really do have a lot to be thankful for.  I’d better take a closer look at my list, and check my cabinet for cookies and Canadian Mist.

    Happy Thanksgiving!

  • Oh well, Happy belated Thanksgiving! You sure do have a lot to be thankful for. xoxoxo

  • Ah, what can I say, Linda? I truly live a blessed existence. 🙂 Enjoy the cookies and booze!!

  • You’re not late! Thanksgiving is today!! I do, don’t I? Sometimes I am amazed at how wonderful my life is. Then I usually sober up. 🙂

  • Ahahhahahah!

  • A wonderful list of things to be thankful for! It is so good to find gratitude in all its many forms. Big cages are nice…preferably with a bottle of Canadian Whiskey in it…maybe a blanket. I could be happy in there for a decade or so. 

  • Thank you, Annie. I’m so glad you understand how important it is to be grateful for the little things. Especially when the little things are locked in cages. 🙂

  • You’re the best, truly. I’m sending you some Finnish vodka and a stronger cage for Jepeto and the kids, just to show you how much I like you.

  • I’m pretty sure Frank said drinking Finnish vodka was how she ended up with a beard. Send 2 cases, please. And instead of sending me a cage, how ’bout I just send you Jepeto and the kids? Please? That would really show that you like me.

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