The title of this post is a quote by artist Fritz Scholder. He was a very drunk when he said it. That doesn’t make it any less true. Keep that in mind. Monday, October 10, 2011 is Thanksgiving in Canada, and in the spirit of tradition and Canadian Whiskey, I’d like to take a moment and share with you some of the things I am thankful for.
I am thankful for Canadian Whiskey.
I am thankful for Jepeto, and for really big cages.
I am thankful for my 3 amazing sons, and for really big cages.
I am thankful none of my kids listens to Justin Bieber.
I am thankful for my awesome co-blogger Mike, because he doesn’t live in my house.
I am thankful for my parents, who also don’t live in my house.
I am thankful for everyone who does not live in my house.
I am thankful I no longer work in the seventh circle of Hell.
I am thankful for cheese.
I am thankful for underwire bras.
I am thankful my cat, Lola, has not found a way to kill me. Yet.
I am thankful I’m not participating in an intervention this holiday weekend. Again.
I am thankful for my in-laws, especially my sister-in-law who just happens to be a very talented lawyer with a knack for having charges reduced to misdemeanor offenses. You know. On the off-chance that kind of thing is necessary.
I am thankful for the terms “temporary insanity”, “not of sound mind” and “justifiable homicide”.
I am thankful I do not share a
cell living space with a 6’2″, 400-pound, bearded woman named Frank. Anymore.
I am thankful most employers do not run background checks on potential candidates.
I am thankful the box of cookies in the cupboard actually had 1 cookie left.
I am thankful bathroom scales break when you smash them repeatedly with a sledgehammer.
I am thankful for Dear Abby columns that make me realize my life isn’t so bad because I don’t have a husband who is a cross-dresser with nicer clothes and a better body than me and is addicted to Internet porn. That’s right, Jepeto and I aren’t married.
But most of all, I am thankful for Canadian Whiskey. Oh, and also you, our loyal readers, our dear friends, our lurkers who never comment (what’s up with that, btw? Would it kill you to leave a fucking comment?! At least click on the “Like” button or Tweet us or something. Be proactive, dammit.), our random visitors who found us by Googling “monster moose cocks” (you freaks rock our world!) and all of you who stumble upon up our little blog, driving up our numbers to 16 and getting us one step closer to fame, fortune and world domination. You are the best and we love you. Long time.