Resolution Definition

smiley face, 2008

My resolution is to recycle more.

Seems that over 200 000 people search for resolution definition every month. As a public service, I give you the definition as per

res·o·lu·tion  [rez-uh-loo-shuhn] – noun

a resolve or determination: to make a firm resolution to do something.

There were actually 4 more definitions, but they were all pretty much the same. And stupid.

Yes, stupid. I hate resolutions. If I can be completely honest, I hate New Year’s. The whole “brand new year” and “fresh start” hype always ends up in crushing disappointment. Without fail, New Year’s Day finds me tired, cranky, headache-y and desperately needing to shave my tongue. As a fresh start, it does not bode well for the rest of the year.

But then there’s the added pressure of setting goals, aka resolutions.

fingers holding a cigarette, smoker, smoke, quit smoking, resolution

Peer pressure is a terrible thing. It's what makes me try to quit smoking every January 1st. Just say no, kids!

And when you set goals out of a sense of obligation, you are destined to fail. So this year, I’ve decided to make some resolutions I really want to make and I actually know I will keep. Here they are, in no particular order.

I resolve to:

  • smoke
  • reflect on the eventuality that one day, one way or another, I will stop smoking
  • imbibe alcohol regularly
  • eat cheese
  • wear high heels
  • eat chocolate
  • resent and envy slim women while completely ignoring the fact that they do not give in to temptation and actually exercise regularly
  • change my underwear
  • eat cheese
  • tell Mike’s coworker to fuck off
  • drive impatiently
  • tease my children
  • make Jepeto’s life miserable
  • eat cheese
  • procrastinate
  • be a perfunctory housekeeper
  • and eat cheese

In other words, I resolve to continue being me. Why mess with perfection, right? Right?

Ok, fine. I’ll try to quit smoking and eat better and exercise more and be a better person and be kinder to others and spend time with my family… well, some of my family, anyway. Sigh. You realise that just means I’ll be drinking more, don’t you? As long as we’re clear on the subject…

Happy New Year everyone!



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