Resolution Definition

smiley face, 2008

My resolution is to recycle more.

Seems that over 200 000 people search for resolution definition every month. As a public service, I give you the definition as per

res·o·lu·tion  [rez-uh-loo-shuhn] – noun

a resolve or determination: to make a firm resolution to do something.

There were actually 4 more definitions, but they were all pretty much the same. And stupid.

Yes, stupid. I hate resolutions. If I can be completely honest, I hate New Year’s. The whole “brand new year” and “fresh start” hype always ends up in crushing disappointment. Without fail, New Year’s Day finds me tired, cranky, headache-y and desperately needing to shave my tongue. As a fresh start, it does not bode well for the rest of the year.

But then there’s the added pressure of setting goals, aka resolutions.

fingers holding a cigarette, smoker, smoke, quit smoking, resolution

Peer pressure is a terrible thing. It's what makes me try to quit smoking every January 1st. Just say no, kids!

And when you set goals out of a sense of obligation, you are destined to fail. So this year, I’ve decided to make some resolutions I really want to make and I actually know I will keep. Here they are, in no particular order.

I resolve to:

  • smoke
  • reflect on the eventuality that one day, one way or another, I will stop smoking
  • imbibe alcohol regularly
  • eat cheese
  • wear high heels
  • eat chocolate
  • resent and envy slim women while completely ignoring the fact that they do not give in to temptation and actually exercise regularly
  • change my underwear
  • eat cheese
  • tell Mike’s coworker to fuck off
  • drive impatiently
  • tease my children
  • make Jepeto’s life miserable
  • eat cheese
  • procrastinate
  • be a perfunctory housekeeper
  • and eat cheese

In other words, I resolve to continue being me. Why mess with perfection, right? Right?

Ok, fine. I’ll try to quit smoking and eat better and exercise more and be a better person and be kinder to others and spend time with my family… well, some of my family, anyway. Sigh. You realise that just means I’ll be drinking more, don’t you? As long as we’re clear on the subject…

Happy New Year everyone!



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  • That’s almost identical to my list. Except the shoe thing. And the Jepeto thing. An resenting women. And I don’t smoke. And while I would like to, I don’t ever get the opportunity to tease your children.
    Happy New Year !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Except the shoe thing. Sure. Let’s go with that…

    Happy New Year Shawn!

  • I’m with you on the changing underwear regularly but not the high heels thing. I might get strange looks if I wore high heels.

  • I think it all depends on the heels you chose. I think you could pull off a simple black pump, but shiny gold platform stilettos would probably get you those strange looks. 🙂 Happy New Year UP!

  • I like your plan.  It’s ambitious but quite realistic, I think, except for all that eating cheese – that seems a little weird. 
    Happy New Year!   xo

  • Happy New Year to you!

    I don’t think I’ve ever made a new year’s resolution.  It’s a stupid thing, if you ask me (not that you did).  Why do we need to do it on January 1st? any day is as good as another to make one. Of course, that’s assuming you want to.

    January 2nd: “I think I need to lose weight. I know! I’ll make a New Year’s resolution. Of course I’ll have to wait until January 1st next year”

  • I like your description – ambitious but realistic! Ok, maybe I can remove one of the “eat cheese” entries… just because I would hate to be considered weird. 🙂

    Happy New Year to you!

  • Happy New Year Babs, and to Mo as well!

    Babs, I think they’re stupid too, and since you agree with me then, of course I asked you 🙂


  • Even though it’s 2012 and not 2008, recycling pixels don’t count.  Nice try, though.

    Heh, heh.

    Yeah, I don’t resolve either.

    Happy New Year, guys!


  • HELL YES!! And Happy New Year, Nicky! xoxoxo

  • Happy New Year Dozo! I’m happy to say, so far, I’m sticking to the list of resolutions I posted. It’s actually been quite easy. I think the trick is to resolve not to better yourself in any way, shape or form. 🙂

  • Happy New Year, sweet thing! Thank you for understanding and supporting… 🙂 xoxoxo

  • My only resolution this year is “Don’t Get Caught”.  All the rest is a fools errand.  I’m not going to stop my bad behaviour.  I’m just going to cover up up a little more carefully.

  • Smoking, Drinking & Eating Cheese are all MY favorites too!

  • You? Are my hero!

  • Anonymous

    I hate New Year’s resolutions. Have never made one. Don’t think I ever will.

    Oh, and tell Mike’s co-worker to fuck off for me. Bastard. Bitch. Whatever.

  • I wish I could say I’ve never made any. I have, though. And it always sucked.

    Consider him told. 🙂


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