Who’s Awesome? I’m Awesome!!

great dane, birthday cake

Isn't Jake a handsome puppy? Even if he does drool all over the place... Maybe for his birthday, someone should tell Jake not to ask his mother to put the pictures in his post.

Hey losers who didn’t turn 18 this year! Guess why today should be a national holiday. Alright it’s already a national holiday, because December 6 is the National Day  of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women in Canada. But that’s not what I’m talking about.

Today is the birthday of someone famous. No it’s not Randy Rhoads, the famous guitarist. No it’s not Baldassare Castiglione, Italian author and diplomat, who described the perfect Renaissance gentieman in  “Il Cortegiano” (The Courtier) in 1528… No it’s MY birthday!! That’s right today is the day I turn 18!!!!! And all of you who read this post are expected to send me 20 bucks each as a gift, no more no less… well if you want to give more, that’s completely up to you.

In all seriousness though, today is the day I become a man. This is the day where I can go to strip clubs, drink dangerous amounts of alcohol and even drive drunk all I want. And to celebrate this momentous event, my family took me to Cheeburger Cheeburger for supper last Saturday because my stupid school gave me a test today.

Anyway, there I was accompanied by my beautiful better half because, funnily enough, her birthday’s the day after mine. So it was a supper for both of us… but she’s less important. The best part was the cake. You see not a lot of people know this but my favorite chocolate is Ferrero Rocher. I would sell my own mother for just one of those delectable pieces of chocolate… Actually I’d give my mom away for a whole lot less… What? You all read the post I wrote about what a monster she is, didn’t you? Anyway back to the cake, there at the grocery store, my mom and I spotted a Ferrero Rocher cake made by Angels and meant for a king.

teenager, birthday crown, middle finger

He's a king alright; flipping the bird while wearing a crown made out of aluminum paper and tied with a paper ribbon.

It’s safe to say that there were no arguments about my birthday cake. It’s just too bad no one was hungry enough after Cheeburger Cheeburger to have a lot of cake. Except Jepeto. I don’t know how, but he ate not one, but TWO 20 oz burgers and still managed to have a piece of cake.

Well that’s all I have to say, time to go to the closest strip club where I will get so wasted, driving will seem like a great idea. Wish me luck people!

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  • Yah! Happy birthday!! Get yourself some crispy singles and make it rain on some ho’s that’s what I did on my birthday, oh and I also got a tattoo. Be careful not to piss off the bouncer though, you might get 86’d, nobody wants that and it makes the strippers cry.

  • nonamedufus

    Happy Birthday Jake. Nice haircut. 

  • May all your birthday wishes come true… Well, maybe not all of them.  I remember what it was like to be 18 and I wasn’t even a boy.  So really, may none of your birthday wishes come true.  Everyone will be safer that way.

    Happy Birthday anyway, kid.

  • Happy Birthday Jake!  You look awesome in a crown.  I hope you have a wonderful time with the dance and undress for pay girls.  I’m sure you will.  My grandson, Cyrus, (my favorite person in the whole wide world) will turn 19 on Friday.  Last December 9th, he and his buddies did go to a strip club.  Cyrus was disappointed that none of the girls wore glasses.  He likes girls who wear glasses.  I hope you find something wonderful!  We are taking Cyrus to lunch in SF on Friday and giving him his gift of cash.  Cash is king, you know.  Anyway, have a wonderful birthday and I’m glad I know your mother so I could meet you!  I’m attaching a photo of Cyrus.  Guys your age all kind of look alike in a way.  

  • Happy birthday, funny guy. Have fun with the strippers. Don’t come home with crabs. Mommy loves you 🙂

  • Happy Birthday Jake!.  There’ll be no holding you back now that it’s all legal 😉

  • Becca

    I may be “less important”, but YOUR mom loves ME more, 😀

  • Happy Birthday, dude! And listen to your mother. She knows what she’s talking about. I mean, she knows, but she doesn’t know. Anyway, it’s sound advice.

    Anyone got a shovel for this hole I’m digging?

  • Yes, I do. 🙂

  • Way to keep a secret, dude.

    *scans Craigslist for ads from people looking for a new best friend*

  • Jepeto

    Alright my man! I finished digesting and i’m ready to go to the stippers! Or would you like me to order a couple of bitches? Black? White? Yellow? Toothless? Name it! It’s your call my MAN! Don’t worry about our better halves, they must be put in their rightful place, das kitchen and das bed. I’m very happy the be a mentor, follow my advice and you’ll be fine. Ok gotta go, i have to prepare myself mentally to face your mom for all the shit i just said.

  • Mikewj

    Happy birthday, Jake. Don’t do anything Jepeto would do. Or, if you do, don’t talk about openly like he would. Make it your dirty, fucked-up secret like everybody else does.

  • Have a great day Awesome Birthday Boy.  Don’t do anything you/your mother will regret later.  The one thing you don’t know at 18 is how much you don’t know.  – Been there.

  • Mikewj

    In the words of Bob Dylan, I was so much older than that then, I’m so much younger than that now.

  • Jepeto

    Don’t do what Jepeto does. Or do what Jepeto doesn’t. Do not do the do’s on Jepeto don’t’s and do’s, do the don’t’s on the do’s and don’t’s lists. If you do the don’t’s, do evaluate your own do’s and don’t’s not in his don’t’s and do’s list but do it or don’t on your do’s and don’t’s terms. You do understand, don’t you? You don’t comprehend, do you? Cool let’s go see ze nakeds.

  • Happy birthday Jake. I remember turning 18. Man, do I have stories.
    Come to think of it, I remember when your mom turned 18. Man, do I have stories.

  • Mikewj

    It’s like I’m talking to psychotic Socrates. And yet it makes total sense. Truth is, you’re fine, Jepeto. And the boy will be fine, too. Also, I’m sure the strippers will be fine. Maybe especially the strippers. Maybe you should all go. You know, make a family outing of it.

  • Mikewj

    I’d come, too, but it’s a long drive. Jake would be 19 by the time I got there.

  • Jake

    Thanks!!!!! and I would never dream of making a stripper cry 😛

  • Jake

    Thank you… but it’s not a haircut 😛

  • Jake

    I also think it’s safer that way 😛 thank you 🙂

  • Jake

    It’s nice to know there are others like me out there, now when my my mom politely kicks me to the curb i know i won’t be alone 😀

  • Jake

    lol do tell 😛

  • Jake

    Oh but I know that i don’t know 😛 thanks for the advice i’ll keep it handy.

  • Jake

    lol sounds evil… I like it

  • Jake

    ya let’s take the 4 year old along:P

  • Jake

    disturbingly that made complete sense

  • You can always come to San Francisco and be Cyrus’s roomie.  Just keep in mind, he gets the girls with the glasses.  The other ones are all yours.

  • Happy birthday, Jake!


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