Life

Wardrobe Malfunction

dreidel, toy top

I lost my top. It doesn't look anything like this.

I woke up this morning without my shirt on, which makes no sense since I was definitely wearing it when I went to bed. I spotted it at the end of our bed. I have absolutely no memory of taking off my top.

I immediately blamed Jepeto. He swore on everything holy and unholy that he was not responsible for my topless state. I believed him.

No, I’m not naive. He really didn’t do it.

No, really. He didn’t.

Fine, believe whatever you want. I know he didn’t do it.

Shirtless, I padded off to the bathroom. Where I saw this:

tummy, stomach, abs,

No, I'm not going to expand the picture. Perv. Yes, I was sucking in my stomach as much as humanly possible when I took the picture. Yes, that is SpongeBob Squarepants on my pajamas. Which is why I believe that Jepeto wanted nothing to do with me. I told you so.

It’s a star-shaped Spiderman sticker. In my belly button. I stared for a while. Eventually, I removed it. I stared some more.

star-shaped sticker, webslinger

I'm sorry, but I must ask the question. What. The. Fuck?

I have no explanation.

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