I was washing dishes when the first call came in.
Man: Mrs. CheeseLady?
Man: I’d like to invite you to come by our offices and learn about how our insurance company can change your life.
Me: Where are your offices?
Man: About 30 minutes from you.
Me: Is your insurance company going to change my life by paying for my gas?
Man: Um… well, we’d like to show you the advantages of our various products.
Me: So you’re not going to pay my gas?
Man: Um… well… um… no.
Me: Ok, I’m not going unless you pay for my gas.
Man: Um… ok… thank you.
I was making supper when the second call came in.
Woman (speaking in French) : Madame FemmeFromage?
Me (speaking in English) : Yes, this is she.
Woman (speaking in French) : Euh… I call… euh… journal La Presse… euh… parlez-vous français?
Me (speaking in English) : I must express my profound remorse, but alas, I fail to grasp the context of what you are articulating …
Woman (speaking in French) : Euh … I … euh … merci, bonsoir!
I was eating supper when the last call came in.
Woman: Mrs. CheeseLady?
Woman: I’m calling from Windows&Doors-R-Us. Do you have any windows or doors you are thinking of changing this spring?
Me: I don’t have any doors or windows.
Woman: No doors or windows you want to change?
Me: No, I don’t have any doors or windows at all.
Woman: Um …
Me (whispering) : *help me … please… let me out… *
And then there was dial tone.