Books

The Girl With The Prickly Mustache

I have an exciting announcement that I just had to share with you all. I’ve started writing a novel. I wasn’t going to, but then a dear friend urged me to. He even suggested a storyline that I could totally see myself developing into a really gripping mystery.

The Girl With The Prickly Mustache ... no, it's not an autobiography. Not really.

The main character is a brilliant but troubled woman who enjoys doing crossword puzzles in what little spare time she has. She is beautiful, yet with a manly upper lip. She is bored, yet willing to take on horrific cases to achieve justice.

She is independent, yet enslaved by three — no, four — children. She is reticent, yet surprisingly talkative when inebriated.

The story will be set in a cold, foreign land. Like Montreal, Canada.

snowflakes, cold, winter

I know. It's hard to believe anyone could live in such a God-forsaken place.

Yes, there will be some pretty hot Eskimo sex scenes. I know, you don’t see a lot of those. There’s a reason for that.

That’s the plot twist. A body is found under a pile of melted igloo. Our heroine is called away from her crossword puzzles to figure out how it happened. Who was the victim’s partner? Where did the partner go? And what is a 6-letter word for “completely consumes”?

ice house, eskimo, inuit home, snow fort

Do you have any idea how challenging it is to get crime scene tape to stick to snow?

I predict my novel will be a world-wide sensation, being translated into every language imaginable – even Swedish! It will be so insanely popular, people will beg for more. Yes, a sequel. I’ve already come up with the title. It’s going to be The Girl Who Played Pinocle But Never Won A Single Game. I know, right?

It’s only a matter of time until this turns into a trilogy.

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  • I predict you are going to be rich and famous beyond your wildest dreams.  Your 4 children are going to be celebrities.  And I’m sending you a “No No” for Christmas.  It’s a tv only offer.  But actually, I might not because I love little moustaches on beautiful women.

  • Hot Eskimo love scenes, hunh? I take it that you fully researched this subject to make the plot more believable…

  • I am so excited for you to be this close to world-wide recognition.  I can hardly wait to read your novel and brag to my friends that I knew you before you were so very famous.   You must tell us though, about the research it took to learn all about the “ins and outs” of Eskimo sex…oops that didn’t sound right.  That enticing title is just begging for would-be readers.  How long do you anticipate the writing will take?  I am beside myself with anticipation. For now I guess I will pass the time playing crossword puzzles.

  •  I know! This story has best-seller written all over it. Mainly because I’ve actually written best-seller all over it. I don’t know what a “No No” is, but I appreciate your offer, hon! It will definitely help with my “research”.

  •  Research is the most important part of any story Laughingmom. I am nothing, if not dedicated to making this book believable.

  •  It’s an exciting time, Cheryl. I’m not sure how long it will take but I’m assuming it can’t take all that long. I mean, seriously, how long can it possibly take to write a book? I’m guessing I’ll be done by Thursday. Friday, latest.

  • That’s the spirit!! I am eagerly awaiting your masterpiece.

  • If by hot eskimo sex you mean nose burn, I’m not all that interested. You know, of course, how many layers of heavy clothing you have to take off just to get to foreplay, eh?

  • This is most definitely a best seller! I think you may have omitted something though. Do these Eskimos eat cheese before or after their hot Eskimo sex?  Please tell me you haven’t forgotten the cheese.

  • See, that’s exactly why you don’t see many Eskimo love scenes. That’s what makes my book so different. I must admit, though, with all the layers that need to be disposed of, each love scene is about 12 chapters long. I’m sure that won’t be an issue though, right?

  • No worries, Babs! I would never forget the cheese. There will be an entire chapter devoted to the milking of a moose and the Eskimo cheese-making process. Fascinating! 🙂

  • Oh Nicky, this made me laugh out loud for realz.

    I also predict your novel will be a world-wide sensation! And as far as the manly upper lip, prickly moustache – I can totally relate! 

  • Okay, first things first. Devour.

    Onward.

    You should have told me we were doing it in an igloo for research. I would’ve showed you the “penguin slide.” It’s my speciality. We need to be careful about the melting, though, we don’t want to end up like the victim in your book…

  • Have I ever told you how much I love you? A Finnish girl who can read the Swedish translation of my book, solve English crossword puzzles AND do the penguin slide. I need to move to Finland. Now.

  • Glad you enjoyed! Did I mention the book is not an auto-biography. Much. 🙂

  • I’ll get started on the igloo.

  • LOLZ!

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