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And Then There Were None

Welcome to day 5 of 30 Days of Writing, a creative writing challenge that can break a lesser man. Or woman. Or me.  Today’s prompt is Spiders. Neither Mike nor I take responsibility for this prompt, even though we’re pretty sure one of us came up with it. Enjoy, and don’t forget to link up at the end of this post if you’ve participated in today’s challenge so you can meet the other bloggers who are now conspiring to kill us. Or me.

 

And Then There Were None

Back in 2010, we were adopted by a big-assed spider. Here’s a little bit of her story:

Last week, we discovered an uninvited guest in our house. Meet Charlotte. Original, I know. What can I tell you? My kids are lucky they didn’t end up like George Foreman’s kids. Now, my dear friend Linda Medrano once told a lovely story about her parents-in-law’s pet spider which rendered me unable to kill the little bugger.

Since she spun her web in the kitchen window, I figured it wouldn’t be so terrible to let her stay. I always leave that window open in the summer and I figured Charlotte would prove handy by disposing of any creepy crawlies that dared to enter. And her web was actually quite pretty. Welcome to the family Charlotte.

But this afternoon, as I said, everything changed. Charlotte, the little tramp, is considerably fatter than she was last week. Noticeably fatter. Now I’m Googling the gestational period for spiders. Linda, could you please write a post about how to deal with an impending spider infestation?

Unlike Charlotte in Charlotte’s Web, however, this story does not end on a (bittersweet) high note.

A couple of days after I wrote this, my mom picked up my kids from school and brought them home and stayed with them until Jepeto and I got home from work. (Aside – for those of you who are new here, yes, Mike and I are just friends! Jepeto is my boyfriend and the father of my youngest son, Max. I have 2 other teenage sons, as well. Mike has a cat.)

When I got in from work, she gave me the rundown: Yes, the boys did their homework. Yes, they had a snack. No, it wasn’t chocolate! Well, yes. It was chocolate. But just a little bit! They have permission slips for an outing that you need to sign. Oh, and you had a gigantic radioactive killer poisonous tarantula in your kitchen window. I killed it.

I actually yelled. Accusingly. “You killed Charlotte!?!?!”

She yelled back. Accusingly. “You named the spider Charlotte?!?!?!?!”

We haven’t spoken since.

Okay, yes, we have. Turns out, Mom also removed Charlotte’s web and then washed my windows. It’s kind of hard to stay mad at someone who does your windows.

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Now don’t forget to check out all the other wonderfully talented people who are participating in this challenge! And let them know that if they blame Mike for this prompt, I’ll give them 50 points.


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  • I did NOT expect this story to end in spidercide.
    Mine’s all about violence, but nobody DIES.

  • The only good spider’s a dead spider!

  • Would you please let your mother know that I must certainly have spiders in most of my windows and probably along the floorboards and maybe in some other probably dirty spots. I’ll leave a key under the mat. Thanks!

  • That’s exactly how spiders in our house end up!  I HATE spiders!  I do, however, let the garden spiders live happily in the trees when it’s their season and I STAY INDOORS!

  • I, too, hate to kill anything and am famous for scooping up spiders and kicking them out the door.  I avoid this a lot of the time by having my house spayed for insects. That is so someone else can be the bad guy.

    So in the vein that Charlotte was your “pet”, you have my condolences on your loss. (sorta kinda)

  • mikewjattoomanymornings

    I gots about a hundred damn windows that haven’t been cleaned in years. And I gots spiders, too. I need your mom to come live with me. She can feed me snacks, and take care of things.

  • Can I borrow your mom for a few days?  I find it really hard to kill a spider after it has spun a beautiful web. There is a web in the corner of my porch that has been there for ages.

  • Your mom is braver than I’ll ever be. I freak out over spiders. FREAK. OUT. 

  • I read your piece and tried commenting but got kicked off with a pop-up that said your security settings don’t accept comments from behind proxies -whatever that means.  I don’t have a proxy (that I know of) nor do I hide behind one (on purpose).
     
    Anyway I was wondering ‘why Will Smith?’

  • Twmcneeley

    Ah Charlotte’s web…a wonderful child’s story with a heartbreaking ending. A true to life tale. Just like yours. My mom would NEVER do anything that even remotely looked like some sort of experiment with insects at my home.  
    Course, I never get my windows done either…a fair trade off , me thinks. 

  • Oh Nicky, that is so traumatic!  I really feel strongly about killing things that are not harmful and good for the environment.  Your poor mom.  I know she felt awful!  (Well, I hope she did.  If she thought you were nutty, we are disowning her and I’m adopting you legally.)  Poor dear
    Charlotte.  At least I hope it was quick.  But what of her babies?  Oh Lord, don’t tell me they are gone too!

  • Poor Charlotte. As long as she lived a good spider life! It seems that this prompt is bringing to light how many spider murders happen on a daily basis! We can blame it on Mike (and his cat?) but it turns out that this might be a massive thing for the spider world and court system.

  • Poor Charlotte (RIP) but at least you got clean windows.  I had a friend who had a pet spider – I think it was in a potted tree.  They named it Ray, but then it had the same little problem yours had, and they renamed it to Rayweena.

  •  Hey, it’s not like I killed her! I think I deserve a little credit for living in harmony with a radioactive killer poisonous tarantula. In fact, I award myself 150 points for it. So there!

  • Oh c’mon, Dufus! Charlotte kept all the other creepy crawlers away. She was part of the family. And look at that pretty web…

    You’re not buying it, are you?

  • I’ll let her know, LM, but seeing as she’s in Greece at the moment, I think you may want to hang onto that key a while longer. 🙂

  • I guess growing up with two brothers, I kind of got used to creepy crawlies. I must admit, though, my younger brother once showed me the hairy beast he captured. It was as big as my fist. That one gave me nightmares!

  • Fantastic, Cheryl! Truly outstanding. I love the part about procreating like a drunken slut! 🙂

  • While I’m sure my mom would love nothing more than to wash your hundred windows and kill your hundreds of spiders and feed you hundreds of snacks (all of them chocolate-based), it would appear from the comments today that you might have to wait in line.

  • It would appear you have to take a number, Leeuna! Who knew my mom the spider killer would be so popular? 🙂

  • It’s strange because as kids we used to collect daddy long legs and stuff them into matchboxes. They aren’t the same though. They move slowly and are all wispy and harmless 🙂

  • Yup, it still makes me cry to this day!

    And yeah, I considered planting fake spiders around my house to see if she’d clean the rest too, but somehow I didn’t think it would work. 🙂

  • I know, hon, I know. When I think of poor Charlotte and her babies, I’m all torn up inside. Who knows what they would have grown up to be? Maybe doctors or lawyers or even the President of the spider world… a tragedy, indeed!

  • Oh, P.J. don’t you know? We can still blame it on Mike! We can ALWAYS blame it on Mike. 🙂

  • To tell the truth, Linda, I was a little relieved not to have to deal with a billion little baby spiders flying around my house! Did your friends grow to love Rayweena’s little ones?

  • I know, I still remember the story of your daddy and the spider! LOL!

    Hey, you know, it’s not too late. You could repost that story and link up for today’s challenge! It’s a great story…

  • I’m in no hurry – the cobwebs aren’t going anywhere…

  • Thanks, Nicky.

    Maybe I will do that!

  • NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOO!!!!!  I was AFRAID that was going to be the end! NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

    OK, I have to thank you.   And thank you and thank you and thank you:

    “(Aside – for those of you who are new
    here, yes, Mike and I are just friends! Jepeto is my boyfriend and the
    father of my youngest son, Max. I have 2 other teenage sons, as well.
    Mike has a cat.)”

    Thank HEAVENS you spelled it out!  PHEW!  Would you believe the very first time I read your blog… i am TOTALLY SERIOUS, I mean in the VERY beginning, I thought maybe you were one person writing as “Nicky” and then as “Mike” and I was thinking, Hmmmmmm……. LOLOLOL!

  • Really? You thought we were one person? Hmmm, maybe we are! Maybe I have multiple disorder personality on top of everything else!

    Nah! None of my personalities would take so many pictures of cats! 🙂

  • MalisaHargrove

    Nicky, you know better than to get attached to anything with hairy legs. Oh, wait…that could describe a man too. Nicky, you know better than to get attached to anything with hairy legs.

  • mikewjattoomanymornings

    I wish I understood this problem you’re having, not to mention the problem I have commenting on several blogs, including Unfinished Person’s. It’s irritating. Maddening, even. I did respond to the email you sent a while ago, but perhaps it didn’t go through. The whole thing makes me Mr. Sad Pants.

    Will Smith because he’s the guy who always shows up to either prevent a post-apocalyptic world from happening, or to fix it. Or sometimes Denzel Washington. Or any really good-looking, muscular dude. It’s never nerd-boy or girl, which is what it would be in real life.

    Anyway, thanks for commenting, even if it’s on Nicky’s blog, which is a first for me.

  • mikewjattoomanymornings

    You have your house spayed? Wow.

  • Hafta say: stupid prompt Mike! (booya! 50 points!)
    And I’m with you Nicky, how can you stay mad at someone who does your windows. I married Wayne because I saw him washing his windows as I was walking by his house one day. I yelled out, “Will you do my windows?” and he yelled back, “I’ll do your windows!”…but now in retrospect, I suspect that was something sexual.

  •  Shut up, Other Me!

  • Um, yeah. I’m pretty sure he didn’t mean your actual windows. 🙂

    Yeah, I really don’t know what Mike was thinking of when he chose this prompt. Seriously. I blame the drugs.

  • After all these years, you would think so Malisa, wouldn’t you? But it seems that I’m a bit of a slow learner. 🙂

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