Nostril Insanity

So I regularly go to yoga classes because they regularly kick my ass and I believe that we all need a good as kicking once in awhile. All classes begin with some form of meditation or controlled breathing, which will usually relax you or at the very least, get you “in the zone”.

Yesterday’s class employed a breathing exercise called ‘Pranayama’. Pranayama is a technique which is basically “alternate nostril breathing”. Block left nostril, breathe in through right. Block right nostril, breathe out through left. Does it have benefits? Some say yes, some say no. It’s pretty harmless and it leads to the physical, more challenging aspect of the class, aka the asskicking portion.

pranayama nostril technique

See? Even this guy is using his hands! And he’s on Wikipedia!

Now, my problem with yesterday’s breathing exercise, is that our teacher told us to block one nostril WITHOUT USING OUR HANDS. Is this possible? If you are reading this, please try to breathe in or out of only one nostril. Do it right now and prove me wrong. Did I miss something?

Then, she asked us to breathe into only the left lung, and then only the right lung. I found this request to be extremely distracting from the whole meditation thing, because it’s IMPOSSIBLE. Unless you have only 1 lung, or 2 esophaguses (sp?), it’s just not physically possible!

Again, please try to breathe into only 1 lung or only one nostril without using your hands.

If someone can prove me wrong, or that I missed the point somewhere along the way, I won’t write for a week.


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  • I have done yoga and have done the single nostril breathing etc. But I have never heard anyone say you could do it without using your hands OR into a specific lung- that sounds screwy to me!!!!! Is it even possible to target a specific lung??????

  • I have thought about Yoga, but I need to be in a better place before I get into it. When I was in college there was a Yoga place next door to my apartment and despite constantly being asked to join by several women, I never did. Probably should have. 

  • You were obviously using the wrong side of your brain!

  • Shawn

    I just farted out my right ass cheek.

  • Jepeto

    Yoga just makes me angry. Dunno why.

  • Um… yeah. I tried. And there is NO way for me  breathe through ONE nostril without blocking the other one on purpose. Not. Gunna. Happen.

  • Why are you offering not to write as a reward?  It makes it sound like it’s a punishment if you do write.

  • Smarter than the average bear, Boo-Boo. Oh, you said yoga!

  • In yoga you see people exhibit very specific control over certain muscles, ,but that? I refuse to believe it can be done.

  • I remember being very hesitant about starting because it was very different from anything I’d done, but in the end, it was just like going to any exercise class. It’s just dressed up a little differently.

  •  Ah of course! I’ll try using the right side next time. And by ‘right’, I mean correct, of course.

  •  Congrats. You’re now enlightened.

  • Does it have anything to do with single nostril breathing?

  • Yep and I’m pretty sure that teacher is a total crackpot. Either that or maybe she was totally trolling us.

  • Well I could have said Yogi, since the teacher and students are just that. But yeah, I get what you’re saying!

  • Find another yoga class, Dear Mike.  Try “hot yoga” or something.  This sounds whack to me.

  • Sounds a bit weird to me.  And the purpose for using only one lung at a time? Yoga is not my thing, as you can probably tell.

  • Did I say that? I guess sometimes writing sometimes feels like a punishment. Maybe reading my writing feels like a punishment too, on some days.

  • Jepeto

     Absolutely. And people. We SHOULD be stressed. It’s the nature of things. Look at a squirrel. It’s a fucking nervous fur ball of pure stress, even when it eats, because if it stops being a hyper crazy thing an eagle of something will rip it’s head off. If you see someone  trying to breathe with one lung, just fucking slap him hard.Wake up! 🙂

  • The thing is, just about all of the classes are great 95% of the time. They just all come with a 5% crackpot segment.

  • There can’t possibly be any point to it. Looking back, I’m convinced that she was doing it to see how many of us would actually try it.


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