Food

Souvenirs From “Sweden”

So my co-blogger Mike went to “Sweden” and he brought me back a special gift. Can you guess what it was? Think about it. What is “Sweden” renowned for?

snow, snowball, woman, parka

No. Mike did not bring back snow. Or a blond chick. Sigh.

huge cheese wedge

Cheese, of course. What were you thinking?

He came by last week and brought it to me. And has been bugging me ever since – Have I tasted it? What did I think of it? When am I going to write about it? Have I seen Dobson’s first video on Whisker Patrol?

So after I finished rolling my eyes at him, I promised I would try the cheese. I’m going to be totally honest, it took me nearly a week to try this cheese because I was afraid of it.

Yes, afraid. Because I don’t know what the hell it is.

allerum prast 12

Who knows what that label says? Eat this and your hair will turn blond, you will grow to be an Amazon and you will cavort with a dozen other blond Amazons in fields of daisies.

Why else is there a flower on there? I pondered that all week. I mulled. I reflected. I considered.

And then I figured it was either the cavorting thing or it said that there is a 17% chance that I will die from eating this cheese within 12 minutes and spend the rest of eternity pushing up daisies.

crime scene, dead woman, telephone receiver

Sure. Laugh at my wild imagination. But how do you know that’s NOT what it says?

But then Mike got snippy with me, so I ate some. A sliver. With two spinach and garlic Wheat Thins.

wheat thins, spinach and garlic crackers

A sliver won’t kill me, right?

So Mike, you can stop nagging me. I had some. And for the moment, I’ll admit it was good. But if I wake up dead tomorrow, I’m not talking to you for a really long time.

UPDATE: Nicky survived the cheese. I had some too. For 12 year old cheese, it’s pretty mild. It’s tasty, like Swiss, but with the dry texture of cheddar. Here’s more: – Mike
allerum prast 12 year old ost

 

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  • Wait…what is it?  Or are you saying you don’t know?  If you didn’t and you tried it anyway, you are BRAVE!  Was it goat cheese (bleh!) or cow?  🙂

  • Nicky, it’s “don’t look a gift horse in the mouth” not a gift cheese. Um, did Mike bring back any of those blond chicks?

  • So did you wake up dead? Did you? Nickkkkyyyyyyy!

  • “Eat this and your hair will turn blond, you will grow to be an Amazon
    and you will cavort with a dozen other blond Amazons in fields of
    daisies.”

    My dream is to wake up in that field of daisies with the blond amazons. Man, my life would kick serious ass at that point.

  • You were brave indeed.  It does look yummy with those crackers, though.  I don’t think I’ve seen spinach & garlic Wheat Thins.  

  • I didn’t know but now I do because I am brave and strong and Mike came over yesterday an made me try more of it! 🙂

    It’s not goat cheese and it tastes a great deal like Gruyere. And it doesn’t kill you.

  • Oh! I misunderstood that saying along with the one about Geeks bearing gifts. 😉

    No, he didn’t. Sigh.

  • No, Babs, fortunately for Mike, I didn’t wake up dead! Just in a slightly vegetative state. 🙂

  • Sorry to tell you P.J., but that’s apparently not what the wrapper really says. Or, at least, that’s not what the cheese delivers. It was good just the same, though!

  •  The spinach and garlic Wheat Thins are pretty good. They also have a sweet potato version which my middle son LOVES! I don’t know what they taste like since he ate the entire boxful in one sitting. 🙂

    Oh, and the scary cheese was yummy.

  • Jepeto

    Baby i read and write Swede (or swedish? whatever). It says on the label that 17% of people use it as a suppositories. Then on the back it gives you the methodology:
    1- Go to the toilet and empty your bowels if necessary.2- Wash your hands.3- Remove any foil or plastic wrapping from the cheese.4- Either squat or lie on your side with one leg bent and the
    other straight.5 -Gently but firmly push the cheese into the rectum, pointed
    end first. If necessary moisten the end of the cheese with a little water.
    Push it in FAR ENOUGH so that it doesn’t slip out.6 – Close your legs and sit or lie still for a few
    minutes.7 – Wash your hands again.8 -Try not to empty your bowels for at least an hour, unless the cheese is from Finland.

    Voilà! Do not hesitate to contact me if you have other questions.

  • Paula Wooters

    Mike didn’t pack it in his suitcase wrapped up in his dirty underwear, did he?  Because that’s the sorta thing he might do.  Just sayin’…

  • Sigh.

  • He wouldn’t. No. He wouldn’t. Please tell me he wouldn’t!!!

  • Darling Nicky, I am so glad you didn’t wake up dead.  I hate it when that happens.  We have too many plans to have that happen!  Just be careful what you eat until you get here.  And escaping from Jepeto’s clutches might be just the thing right now.  He is a sick puppy!  I love that in a man though.

  • Bringing that across the sea probably violated a dozen or more international laws. I would dispose of the evidence quickly.

  • That looks like very good cheese.   How did Mike manage to bring it home on the plane without it being refrigerated?   And Mike would never kill you off.   Then he’d have to write all the blog posts himself.

  • To be honest, I don’t know what the cheese touched. But it was also vacuum sealed, so it doesn’t matter what it rubbed up against 😀

  • Interesting that it tastes more like Swiss but contains the texture of Cheddar… Don’t know if I’d like it. Did you guys ever find out what it translated to? 😛

  • “But if I wake up dead tomorrow, I’m not talking to you for a really long time.”  Nicky, you crack me the hell up!

  • Talk about the silent treatment.

  •  Insert sad face. I was all excited to order this cheese and get a bunch of blond Amazons in fields of daisies.”

  • The ultimate silent treatment, Lauren. He’s lucky I decided not to die!

  •  Oh sure, you’re laughing now, but if I would have woken up dead, you wouldn’t have found it so funny… 🙂

  • Welcome Liza! It actually reminds me a great deal of Emmental. And no, we didn’t have it translated. I think this is one of those times where ignorance is bliss!! 🙂

  • Well, the cheese was vacuum-sealed and the cargo hold of the airplane is freaking cold, so it actually travels quite well. As for Mike not killing me off, since he started the cat blog, I’m not so sure he’s intimidated by the thought of writing all the posts himself!!

  • Mike came over… what evidence, LM? 🙂 

  • Are you at Linda’s?

  • Um. No!

  • Shawn StubbornFool.com

    I have a lot of old stuff in my fridge if you guys want to eat that too…

  • No thanks. Really appreciate the offer, but I’ll pass. Can’t speak for Mike, however….

  • “…cavort with a dozen other blond Amazons in fields of daisies…”
    And I only had you cavorting with one woman in a pool.
    Who’s the pervert now? (YOU, in case that cheese left you dizzy)

  • The real question is, was it even Swedish cheese? How do you even know that? It could have been imported to Sweden from Phoenicia. That happened to me once.

  • Hey, I didn’t say I WANTED to cavort with a dozen other blond Amazons in fields of daisies, I said that MIGHT be what the label wrote. The pervert is still YOU, dude. 🙂

  • He claims it was Swedish, Margaret, but since he got the cat, it’s like I just don’t know him anymore so anything’s possible. It may even have been *gasp* Swiss. I’d like to hear more about your Phoenician experience. 🙂

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