Life

Take Me With You

I wrote a piece for our 30 Days of Writing challenge called Promises Of What I Seemed To Be. Several readers asked about the girl in the story and wanted to know more about her. I hope they’re not disappointed.

Take Me With You

cocktails, drinks on a bar, martini glasses, high ball glass, alcohol

The bar was nearly empty; a drunk passed out in the corner booth, two older fellows at the bar watching football highlights on the television, a table with four young studs playing a drinking game, and another table with three young women desperately trying to get noticed without appearing at all interested. And on the dance floor, one lone couple swaying in time to the music.

“Take me with you,” she said.

She was sitting with her girlfriends, sipping a Tequila Sunrise, bored out of her mind and wondering if things would ever change. It was early and the bar was pretty dead. Except, of course, for the four frat boys sitting two tables over. Later things would pick up, more people would pour in, but she knew it wouldn’t change the way she was feeling.

She got up and walked over to the jukebox. Digging into the pocket of her jeans for change, she looked over the selection. Buried among all the pop, dance, and funk tunes, she found the song she wanted. Her friends would not be happy. It wasn’t “sexy” music. She popped in her quarters and pressed a button.

She turned just as he walked in. It was the movie moment – that instant where the lovers’ eyes meet and the world stops for just one heartbeat. She felt her face flush and heard the click of the jukebox, queuing up her song.

The first notes of her song started and she saw him smile. He walked over to her, took her hand and led her to the dance floor. He pulled her close and they started to dance.

Waiting, on a Sunday afternoon
For what I read between the lines
Your lies

She could feel his breath, warm and steady, by her ear and she could smell his cologne. And something else, not unpleasant, just beneath. It was familiar, but she couldn’t quite remember…

leavin’ on a southern train
only yesterday you lied,
promises of what I seemed to be

And then she knew. Her daddy’d been a salesman, at least that’s what he’d claimed was the reason for his absences, and he had that same underlying scent. It was the smell of the road.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“California,” he replied.

breathing is the hardest thing
to do. with all I’ve said and
all that’s dead for you,
you lied – good bye

“Take me with you,” she said.

###

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  • Nicky. I loved this post. It’s really a haunting piece with a great twist. Also love the title.

  • Rocking the STP are you?  I woulda neva thunkit.

  • Thanks Lauren! I’m so glad you liked it… I wasn’t sure how it would go over!

  • What woulda one thunk if one woulda thunk sumpthin’?

  • Oh, but he didn’t.  Probably just as well. They would have been unhappy and he would have left her at the side of the road one day and……..

    Great story. I enjoyed both parts 🙂

  • Nicky, I love the story.  It is packed with emotion, boredom, loneliness, hope and reality.  Thanks for shedding more light on her identity.

  • Paula Wooters

    This just keeps getting better and better!

  • I don’t know, Babs… I think there might be quite a story between their first dance and his walk across the Nevada state line! I’ll have to mull it over some more 😉

    I’m glad you liked it.

  • Thank you, Linda! I’m so glad it wasn’t a disappointment 🙂

  • Thanks Paula, and it’s nice to see you back 🙂

  • More parts? You absolutely must 🙂

  • Well, you little closet flash-fiction writer, you.   This is wonderful.   The whole tone and mood is perfect and I love how you wove the song in there.   The whole underlying story of her father never being around and her sensing the smell of the road on this guy and asking him to take her with him — as if trying to rekindle that lost relationship with her father.   I could just see her as a little girl watching him walk out the door and saying, “Take me with you, Daddy.”  This packed a punch on many levels.  Outstanding!

  • Nonamedufus

    That girl needs to get out more.

  • Thank you, thank you, thank you! I really wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to get it across in a short piece like this but you got it and now I’m happy 🙂

  •  She’s tryin’ to, Dufus 🙂

  • Barb

    Nicky this is awesome!… you can really put yourself in the girls head and can feel what she is feeling… you need to keep writing this story!

  • Thanks Barb! I think there may be at least one more part to this story… I’m going to try and see if I can figure it out. 🙂

  •  Nicky, this is exquisite writing!  I was captivated by every well chosen word.

  • Thanks, hon! I’m so glad you liked it. 🙂

  • Oh, Nicky! I am speechless! Absolutely speechless.

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