The Key To A Successful Relationship

That’s right, folks! I’m giving away free advice today and today only! As someone who used to date bums and losers almost exclusively until I finally found Mr. Right, I consider myself uniquely qualified to counsel couples. Yes, by Mr. Right, I mean Jepeto. No, I’m not joking. And it’s taken a lot of hard liquor work to keep our relationship going for nearly eight whole years. So what’s the key to a successful relationship?

It seems so obvious, yet most people have not really mastered the art of effective communication. Trust me when I say that I have. First, talk to your partner. Tell him (or her) all the things that annoy the hell out of you are on your mind. Over and over and over and over again. Until your partner can’t help but hear you no matter how hard they’re trying not to. It doesn’t even matter if they’re busy doing other really important stuff like watching a hockey game or playing Party Bingo or staring off vacantly into space. Just keep talking because the information will eventually be absorbed into their brains through osmosis.

Secondly, besides repetition, it’s also really important that your message is clear, concise. Be careful that your non-verbal communications don’t conflict with what you are saying verbally. Now, by non-verbal communications I’m not talking about body language. Honestly, if they are watching sports or playing Baseball Heroes on Facebook, they’re not looking at you anyway. No, by non-verbal communications I mean emails and text messages. These should always be succinct in order to ensure there’s no misunderstanding. Leave the flowery adjectives and obscure symbolism to the poets! And, as with talking, repetition is important.

For example, recently Jepeto sent me an email telling me that he had to delete some SMS messages from his phone as he had nearly reached full capacity. He noticed a pattern in the texts from me (See! He noticed. I told you it would sink in!!) and sent me the last few text messages before deleting them (theΒ  translations of my French messages are in parenthesis):

  1. Tu m’enerve (You annoy me)
  2. Shut up
  3. Nobody is home
  4. TU te calme ‘sti de tabarnak (YOU calm down, dammit)
  5. U suck monster moose cox
  6. I don’t know
  7. Bonne sieste! (Have a nice nap!)

Now some of you may be thinking that I’m a little harsh on poor Jepeto based on that list. Of course, you would probably be the ones who have never read any of his guest posts. Regardless, you don’t have to worry about him. In his email, along with the above list, was this:

I think it is fair to say that our relationship is doing awesome. πŸ˜€

See? Effective communication = successful relationship. You’re welcome.

And people wonder why I'm with him...

And people wonder why I’m with him…





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  • Bahahahhahahahahhahahahaah!

    Great post, Nicky.

    And that photo is cracking me the hell up!

  • Ian Cochrane

    Haha, so funny.
    Gee, those moose must be big!
    Cheers, ic

  • Thank you Ian, glad you enjoyed!

  • Thanks sweet thing! And yes, most mothers hate bringing their kids to the grocery store…

  • Jepeto

    Thank God my eyes were closed, i am still incognito…

  • *sending M a text message now* “FU”

    You are the best, Nicky! Thank you so much for the great advice. Wanna Skype this weekend?

  • You are really quite insane. I love that about you.

  • What I want to know is why you women always want to know what men are thinking. And why “nothing” isn’t a suitable answer. C’mon, eh. Oh, Jepeto, nice pair of nuggets.

  • Truth!

  • You are indeed the mistress of direct and clear communications. I see from Jepeto’s “performance art” at the grocery store that he really really gets it!

  • Oh, if only that were true.

  • Hah! That was actually the one message I removed from the list because I thought people might start to really feel bad for Jepeto. πŸ™‚

    And yes, Skype. Always yes.

  • I think I speak on behalf of all the voices in my head when I say the feeling is mutual, woman.

  • Dufus, I must be the exception to the rule because I NEVER want to know what Jepeto is thinking. EVER. Nothing good ever comes from knowing what’s going through that boy’s mind.

  • Yes, Jepeto is quite the “artiste”. And the audience at the grocery store always seems to enjoy his performances. πŸ™‚

  • I think that Jepeto must be lying to you about something because it looks like something is definitely growing on him… and it’s not his nose!

  • I like Jepeto. He creates similar art to me. Did I just admit that?

  • LOL, And here I thought it was Pinocchio, not Jepeto, that had that issue about lying!

  • Don’t worry, Babs, I won’t tell anyone. πŸ™‚

  • Jepeto is funny, and you’re right about communication. It is key and something even the best of couples have to work on. Apparently your methods are working. πŸ˜‰

  • Oh, look! The movie poster for Jepeto’s new porn flick! πŸ™‚

  • Wait, Jepeto is a real person and not a fictional character???

  • MikeWJ

    You two crazy kids set an example for the rest of us.

    Not necessarily a good example, of course, but it’s something. Thank you.


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