Bunch of Words and Stuff

So, what’s new? What’s everyone been up to? I completely forgot to write anything, even after receiving numerous text messages and voice mails all saying just that: WRITE SOMETHING. ANYTHING. olives pickles in the fridge

Geez, that Nicky is one persistent…

ANYWAY, here are a bunch of words that I turned into semi-coherent sentences which I separated into sections using headings and the bold tag.

Whenever I go grocery shopping, I always think I’m out of olives and pickles. I’m not. In fact, I hardly ever eat those things at home. Yet, I think I should pick some up if I ever have guests over. As a result, I have a bunch of jars of pickles and olives crowding my fridge. Why? Cause I never have guests over and I have a shitty memory.

Hiring a Handyman
When choosing a handyman, pay close attention to how they present themselves to you. This goes for attire, body language and conversation. Let’s compare:

Handyman A Shows up filthy and covered in plaster. Looks like he’s coming straight from a job. He may be a slob, or he’s in demand. Or both! Let’s hear what he has to say.

Handyman B Shows up 30 minutes early with long flowing well coiffed hair. (I’m not making any assumptions, but this probably means that he spends more time on his hair than anything. Ok, I’m totally making assumptions.) Immediately gets distracted by your guitars and starts talking about his band. Hmm..I thought you were here to talk about renovations. Bad sign. Strike 1.

Handyman A – Gives you his hourly rate and guarantees no more than 3 days for the work.

Handyman BNot sure how long job will take but gives hourly rate and suggests that YOU will be helping him (!?). Drops the phrase “we’ll figure it out”. Strike 2.

Handyman AGives exact availability and promises to send you a spreadsheet with a breakdown of materials and full estimate.

Handyman BSays he can start tomorrow, but first “can I play a song on your Telecaster?” No you can’t. Now get the fuck out.

I planted a bunch of tomatoes in some bins (I don’t have space in the yard). Tonight we have a weather warning: Possible snow. In May! The good thing about planting stuff in bins? You can bring them inside. Also, come July I’m going to be so filthy rich in tomatoes, I’m going to quit my job. Take that “the man”.

Can someone please explain to me how LinkedIn finds “People I may know”? I know, there’s plenty of  ongoing debate just raging about this on the internet and it’s been going on for years. In fact, we pretty much gave up our online privacy the second we signed up for an AOL account in 1994. My point is, why is LinkedIn recommending that I connect with that girl who I went on 2 dates with 6 years ago? Before LinkedIn even existed! (ok, they were founded in 2003. Shut up). So how does it know that we ever communicated? The answer: LinkedIn is reading my contacts and email, which is pretty much what Google is doing to serve you up personalized ads. Fun. And creepy.

My bike is making creaky noises. I think I need to tune it up.

Is anyone watching Game of Thrones? I got into it over the winter and it’s awesome. The story is basically this: There are like 7 or 8 people vying for the Iron Throne to rule over the 7 (or is it 6) kingdoms of Westeros. It’s pretty much the same idea as American Idol but with medieval fantasy type characters and dragons. Who’s gonna become ruler and who’s going to get kicked off the show (i.e. beheaded)? The suspense is killing me. Pun intended.

There. That’s enough. Goodnight.
tomato plants marigolds bins small garden space

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  • LinkedIn is just Google wearing a suit and a tie. If I didn’t have to have it for work, I’d kill it. In fact, I DID kill it once but my boss made me resurrect it. I think I’ll kill it again because it seems like good use of 5 minutes on a cold, raw, windy, and rainy day. If it’s snowing in NY and VT, I’m guessing you didn’t escape the devils of Spring.

    Nice job on the companion planting. Those marigolds will ensure that no bugs eat your tomatoes (NO, that’s not a euphemism).

  • Mike, I’m not fooled by your structure and use of the bold tag. And a pox on your underlining. But you mentioned olives, so I’m in. Indigo

  • Maggid

    I hear a lot about the game of Thrones – in must be engaging – and – golly i like this marigold photo – it seems, if i look at it long enough, I should see the “Wee Folk.’ (now i sound crazy, hm?)
    Happy Day!

  • I just finished reading the 5th volume of Game of Thrones. I don’t think there’s anybody left from the first book. They’ve all been killed off. Well except the dwarf, who came up short, I guess. To sum up olive the main characters found themselves in a real pickle!

  • I don’t eat olives or pickles, so I guess I wont accept your invitation whenever it gets here. Indigo can have mine.
    Game of Thrones is a hit in our home. My daughter and I have read all of the books and watched the first two seasons on DVD. I don’t know if they eat olives and pickles in Westeros.

  • Tami Von Zalez

    We’ve built Stalag 13 to keep the deer away from our tomatoes. I’m hoping to have at least one BLT from our pathetic deer-ravaged harvest.

  • I vote for Handyman A as long as he wears plastic booties and is hermetically sealed. I can’t believe you’re expecting snow. Though it’s been freezing here in the northeast. It was in the 40s Friday or Saturday. So, I’ve been trying to stay warm.

  • When I visit you, I’d delighted you will have olives and pickles and probably tomatoes since I’m not coming when it’s snowing because it’s too hard on my shoes. My husband would chose Handyman 1 too. I’d be inclined to go for Handyman 2. Yeah, I’m slutty like that.

  • Oh and I ADORE “Game of Thrones”! Awesome!

  • Ah, Mike… I’ve missed ya. Pass the pickles.

  • Gladly, I got plenty to go around!

  • When is when? Hurry up while it’s still warm.

  • It didn’t snow after all, but I the tomatoes spent the night indoors just in case. Finally, it’s warming up again 🙂

  • I don’t envy you. We only have cats and squirrels to contend with. So far, so good but it may be a different story come July.

  • I was really looking forward to watch it last night, but damn, they took a week off!

  • I’ve been warned not to get too attached to any characters, and up until now, I believe it.

  • You’re not crazy, you just have an “overactive” imagination, as they say 😉

  • I even used italics!

  • Yep, I did my research. The consensus is that the marigolds will help. I’m not sure if they’ll keep the squirrels away however.

  • Right, this demands a structured response.

    Food: No one needs olives and pickles, not even guests. Wine is all you need.

    Handymen: Give Handyman B your olives and pickles, then hire Handyman A.

    Weather: Tomatoes are yummy, don’t give them to Handyman A as a thank you for his hard work.

    Technology: Am I the only one NOT on LinkedIn?

    Transportation: Huh. You better fix that.

    Entertainment: Yes!! I vote for Daenerys the dragon lady. She’s my kind of woman. Also, I’d like to do her.

  • You have no idea how many times I’d like to upvote you for that Daenerys comment. And yes, upvote is a euphemism for ANYTHING you want it to be a euphemism for.

  • I was going to reply with my own structured response but I got distracted thinking about Daenerys. I’d totally be in her army anyday, except for the part about being a eunuch.

  • I am absolutely positive that “be in her army” just took on an entirely different meaning….

  • Oh my god, I hope it’s a euphemism for threesome. Nicky, Ziva and Daenerys, it has such a nice ring to it.

  • Hooray for words n stuff! You even made me laugh!


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