Life

Spring Cleaning

I stared in utter revulsion. After 20 minutes and considerable maneuvering – not to mention a horrible ripping sound that made me suspect we will be redoing the floor this summer – I finally managed to pry the fridge out of the alcove it lives in. And then stood, staring dumbly at the vilest thing I’ve ever seen.

It was like a gigantic-killer-mutant-rabid-furry dust bunny had been squashed up against the wall. And then went and had squashed gigantic-killer-mutant-rabid-furry dust bunny babies. By the hundreds.

Traumatized, I struggled to form coherent thoughts. But my thoughts were bouncing around unfinished in my head, racing into each other. Questions. I had questions. I yelled in the direction of the basement.

“Jepeto? Jepeto!”

“What?”

“How long ago did we get the fridge?”

“Uh… I don’t know. Maybe five, six years ago, I think. Seven, at most. Why?”

“Just curious. Also, out of curiosity, could it have been around the same time the cat went missing?”

This is exactly what was staring back at me when I moved the fridge. Really.

This is exactly what was staring back at me when I moved the fridge. Really.

###

Ok, before anyone calls the SPCA – or worse, A&E’s Hoarders – on me, the story above is just that: a story. I did start my annual spring cleaning this past weekend. And, while I admit I am not the world’s most conscientious housekeeper and my annual spring cleaning may actually only happen every three two years, I have not reached the point where there are carcasses behind the appliances.

Yet.

So, no, it’s not as bad as I make it seem. I may have exaggerated slightly; taken some creative license. I mean, it’s not really like my fridge could be mistaken for a biochemical warfare facility. And it’s not really like the contents removed from my oven could be used to pave the Trans-Canada highway.

And I certainly did not find a spider busily spinning its silk into a noose while staring forlornly at the murky window.

Next weekend? The living room.

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  • I am JEALOUS of your spring cleaning. Where do you find the time!!!!

    Funny thing… this is a true story. An old boyfriend told me when he was finally old enough to be on his own at night, his parents went out and left him in charge of his sister.

    His cat was up on something and jumped on the couch. He didn’t know what it was and screamed, throwing out his arm. He accidentally hit the cat and it DIED. It DIED!!!! So he panicked and hid it in the couch cushions.

    The next day. “Has anyone seen the cat?” Days later. “What is that smell!”

  • I’m still working on winter cleaning. At least you’re doing spring cleaning in the spring. I think I saw one of those fur balls behind my fridge, too. I’m pretty sure it was trying to find a way inside the fridge since I didn’t feed it.

    I love your creative license. I have have to renew mine one day soon.

  • what’s that company called? 1-800-got-j@nk

  • Holy shit! I can’t stop laughing. How old was he? 18?

  • My husband has this annoying habit of pulling the refrigerator and the stove out of their little spaces. He can’t figure out how to wipe down a counter top but he loves going after the hidden squalor. Sometimes I wonder how we manage to stay married.

  • You crack me up! The photo of the cat is hysterical!

  • Outside the fridge? That’s nothing. We have a couple of science experiments bubbling along in our spare fridge. I have no idea what they are. And now I’m a little trepidatious about opening the door.

  • I remember this scene in SE7EN!

  • Barb

    OMG I thought you were serious!!!!! Thankfully you weren’t!

  • Barb

    OMG!

  • I think you need to share that story with MikeWJ. He’ll love it! πŸ™‚

  • Yes, at least I’m doing my 2010 spring cleaning in the spring. Of 2013. It’s the little things that count, right? πŸ™‚

  • Yeah, but I’ve grown rather fond of Jepeto and the kids…

  • He habitually pulls out the appliances and you wonder how you manage to stay married? I wonder how you manage to avoid jail time!! πŸ™‚

  • Isn’t it awesome?! That beauty makes Grumpy Cat look like Miss Congeniality! πŸ™‚

  • Don’t do it, mon ami. Better leave well enough alone! πŸ™‚

  • Yes, and the “live” performance was even more horrific! πŸ™‚

  • Serious about the missing cat, no. The suicidal spider, however…

  • Did I misread it? 2010 is a little dicey. But at least you found the cat.

  • I applaud your ambition in actually pulling the fridge away from the wall. It’s bad enough just cleaning them out on the inside – a job I detest but I’m the only one to do it. I have, however, been on a cleaning/organizing binge lately. It’s all good. πŸ˜‰

  • You know, I’ve been meaning to do some spring cleaning. Ever since 2008.

    I might postpone it a few more years if that’s what I’m going to find…

  • Aw geez… Now I feel like I should move my refrigerator and take a look. Nah… Maybe next year.

  • Thank you, Linda! It was long overdue… and like you, nobody else is volunteering to do it!

  • Take my advice and just move to a fully-furnished new home. Don’t even bother taking anything along. Just run. Now. πŸ™‚

  • Or maybe the year after. No rush. πŸ™‚

  • Tami Von Zalez

    hahahah – a frig story! I;ve got one for ya. We moved the frig out (and, yes, there were dead cats just like yours) but it gets worse. We left the frig outside for, shall we say, awhile? Anyhoo, something GREW in there. Something like I had never seen a globulus moving body of well, glob. It was memorable.

  • Oh, it’s possible I *forgot* to mention the year. Possibly.

  • Tami Von Zalez

    See Tami story above ^

  • Ian Cochrane

    Interesting. You know what?

    I always thought that’s how that brand of feline beastie was created. Just given a quick press somewhere in China, New York or Nottingham; then packed into a flat box & sent out to loving homes allover the globe.
    Cheers, ic

  • You pull the fridge out to spring clean? Are we meant to do that then? Ours stays put until it needs replacing or we move home. Then we usually leave it behind with all it’s dust elephants. No little bunnies behind our fridge!

  • “…a globulus moving body of well, glob.”

    I think we need to start a Lousy Housekeepers club. You would be the club president. πŸ™‚

  • Nope, turns out they’re created behind my fridge. And they breed. Quickly. πŸ™‚

  • Don’t tell anyone, Babs, but I think that’s the first time I’ve moved it since we bought it. I don’t know what on earth I was thinking! πŸ™‚

  • Ha ha! Neither do I πŸ˜‰

  • MikeWJ

    And then Katherine’s boyfriend grew up to be Ariel Castro.

  • MikeWJ

    You’re supposed to vacuum underneath it regularly so all the dead cockroaches and furry things don’t end up stuck to your Colby.

  • MikeWJ

    Oh! I had the same happen once. I made my daughter clean it for $5. She lost an arm to infection in the process, but we sold the fridge for $25 in a garage sale so it was all worth it.

  • MikeWJ

    Fully furnished except for a fridge. Clean the spot when you move in, buy a new fridge, and then never worry about it again until you move out. Or die. Which you might because that crap underneath old refrigerators is horrible.

  • MikeWJ

    What makes you think I’d be upset about you finding a dead cat under the fridge? Don’t apologize, rejoice, I say.

  • Ah yes, I actually *LOVE* Spring Cleaning!

    And I applaud your creative license while writing this story. Very funny, indeed!

  • You can pull out your refrigerator?

    Oh.

  • I love Dust Bunnies with barbecue sauce and a spice rub and you roticerate them for a while then serve with beans.

    I’m just kidding. I wouldn’t eat your Dust Bunny. Maybe a stray Dust Bunny but not your Dust Bunny.

    I just gave a whole new meaning to β€œI had a Dust Bunny when I was a kid”.

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