If An IQ Score Falls In The Forest…

*Deep breath*

Did you ever work at something for a really, really, really long time without ever seeming to make any progress on it, yet you kept plugging away at it – working at it from different angles, from the same angles, from right and left angles, even from a really obtuse angle once, but only because it looked acute after a couple of drinks – all in the desperate, pathetic hope that eventually you’d make some headway despite the lack of any physical evidence to suggest that headway was even possible and all the while attempting to resist the darkness creeping stealthily toward you… the growing suspicion the last 20 years of your life were spent sowing a veritable garden of crushed optimism and broken dreams?



Seriously, it can’t just be me.

Whatever. Look, I’m here to tell you that perseverance is not just a minimum 19-point word in Scrabble. No, my friends, perseverance is what makes the impossible possible. Perseverance kept Noah building the ark for somewhere between 50 and 120 years, and all before the advent of the Weather Channel. Perseverance is what kept China building a wall for about 2000 years without a single Home Depot to be found nearby.

And perseverance is what kept one Canadian girl hounding her father to take his daughter shooting for 20 freakin’ years. Until he finally did. Finally.

And while I was horrible at skeet shooting, I turned out to be pretty good at target shooting.


According to my dad, if I was a hunter, the deer would be dead five times over. According to Jepeto, our chances of surviving the zombie apocalypse just got five times better.

When I first started bugging my ultra old-fashioned Greek father to take me shooting twenty years ago, it wasn’t really because I was interested in shooting or guns. Truth be told, I wasn’t interested in them at all but I really wanted to break the stereotype in my dad’s mind that some activities were just not ladylike. Not to mention the belief that real ladies wouldn’t want to do things like shoot guns or watch football or smoke cigars or drive fast cars or drive faster women… but I may have digressed.

I wasn’t interested in guns because I was a young, energetic, socialist, peace-loving Canadian mother of one and early childhood educator wondering why we can’t all just get along. Obviously, I’ve changed in the 20 years it took to wear my dad down.

Now I’m an old, tired, antisocial, cheese-loving Canadian mother of three and marketer wondering why everyone can’t just do what the hell I tell them to do. Seriously, why? It wouldn’t kill everyone to do what I say. Just a select few. But the world would be a much better place for it, I swear.

Sigh. It seems I’ve digressed. Again.

Anyway, there was always a part of me that was kind of worried I’d turn into a total redneck if I ever did go shooting.

skeet shooting

Seems I was worried for absolutely no reason. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to finish installing bullhorns and a gun rack on the Tercel.

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  • Talk about “pathetic hope that eventually you’d make some headway” I ran for public office twice thinking I could fix things. Just banging head against the wall.

    Put the Big Bullhorns on the Tercel if that’s what makes you happy and don’t worry about nuttin.

    Someday we gotta have a cigar and watch football together.

  • madmadmargo

    If there were ever a chance for you to join a Wild West show, jump at it! You’d make an excellent modern-day Annie Oakley.

  • Oh, yeah! You are so bad-ass, Nicky! That Tercel is gonna be bitchin’ with the gun rack & bullhorns!

  • Can you hear the cheers from the gun-toting crowd out in rural California? The only deterrent here is your nearest weapon for those, um, zombies …

  • ReformingGeek

    We have a wild pig problem in rural Texas. Com’n down. Plenty of bacon to be had. Oh, and we have cheese at the supermarkets.

  • haha – It’s good to have a dream. You do look bad-ass. In a zombie apocalypse, only the Rednecks will survive while the rest of us get eaten while trying to order takeout.

  • “all in the desperate, pathetic hope that eventually you’d make some
    headway despite the lack of any physical evidence to suggest that
    headway was even possible and all the while attempting to resist the
    darkness creeping stealthily toward you… the growing suspicion the last
    20 years of your life were spent sowing a veritable garden of crushed
    optimism and broken dreams?” Make that 40 years and I am totally with you.

    But I digress..You do look mighty powerful with a gun in your hands. I think to qualify as a redneck there needs to be some camo in your wardrobe choices though. A John Deer or NASCAR hat might help as well.

    As for the rest of us that are totally unprepared for the zombie apocalypse, our best hope is to live near some Rednecks. Since I live in Kansas about 5 minutes from the Missouri line, I might be closer to some than you. Although to be fair, I don’t know how many Rednecks there are in Canada.

  • Just what Canada needs…its own version of Ted Nugent!

  • You realize your first paragraph is one long-ass sentence, right? Ain’t no target shooting that will fix that!

    Wait, what?

  • Is it, really? I hadn’t noticed 😉

    I guess I may have been a little excited. Getting something after 20 years of working for it can have that effect!

  • Yeah, but I have much nicer shoes than Ted!

  • A kindred spirit! You know Cheryl, it’s a shame you can’t drink alcohol… I would very much enjoy getting hammered with you 🙂

    There are a surprising number of rednecks here in Canada. Surprising and a little depressing.

  • Oh, Nicky. 🙂

  • Well, Lauren, when the zombie apocalypse comes, drive yourself on up here and just stand behind me!

  • Bacon and cheese?! Reffie, it’s beginning to sound like Texas may just have been made for me! 😉

  • *and the crowd goes wild!*

    Thank you California!


  • I know, right? I’ve been looking for a “…from my cold, dead fingers” bumper sticker, too. So far, no luck!

  • Thank you, MeMe. There is the Calgary Stampede out in Alberta but the only problem with that is that… well… it’s Alberta.

  • Wait, you thought being a politician would fix things? Really? Wow. You are optimistic, aren’t you?

  • As I recall…back in the days that I could drink…I am pretty much the same drunk or sober so game on if we ever get a chance meet.

  • You are a million times prettier as well!

  • My dad took me to the police firing range when I was 12. I wasn’t very good then. (I’m not that much better now.) But I wanted to do it! So I done it!!! And so did you!!!

  • I LOVE to go shooting! Like you I enjoy proving the boys wrong. My excellent hand eye coordination developed from years of playing video games really pays off on the gun range. Suck on that, boys!

  • Yay! You finally got to go! That was some impressive target shooting. What caliber?
    Hubby went skeet shooting recently using my Daddy’s 12 gauge double barrel and enjoyed it. I just can’t bring myself to shoot a shotgun.

    You sure look happy and not redneck-ish at all.

  • If I wasn’t so frightened by a real life weapon, I think I’d love to go shooting. I think I might have been quite good at it too. I was a mean dart player in my time 😉

  • I want you on my team when the zombies hit!!!

  • Oh, dear. You look way too happy in that photo. Oh, well. As long as you only shoot at inanimate objects… or politicians.

  • Oh Jayne, I couldn’t possibly harm an inanimate object! 🙂

    No, seriously, my dad doesn’t hunt and I would never be able to kill an animal for sport.

  • Done! 🙂

  • You know, Babs, I would never tell you not to fear weapons. They most definitely deserve to be respected. But if you enjoyed darts because of the skill and precision required, I think you probably would enjoy target shooting.

  • I’m really not sure what the caliber was, Linda. The shell casing has 308 on it…? I must admit, the skeet shooting was just okay for me. The target shooting, though, was something I could have done all day long!

  • LOL I knew there was a reason I keep trying to steal you away from Brian. I mean, besides the fact that you’re hawt. 🙂

  • I did! I finally did! I wasn’t bad, not as good as my dad but he’s been shooting for years. Jepeto and I were actually thinking of getting our permits.

  • I most definitely would, but I wouldn’t have the strength to fire one. If it didn’t knock me off my feet, it would probably dislocate my shoulder. I think I’ll have to make do with fairground targets and cork guns 🙂

  • This post about shooting has put you in the lead.

  • Your first paragraph stressed me out so much. As I was reading, I thought of at least two dozen projects that I’ve pounded every which way to no satisfaction, and they’re still not finished… I feel like I should go shooting just so I can relax.

  • Oh snap!! And HELL YES!!!!!!


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