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And I Just Realized I Didn’t Even Give It A Title

my front yard

It’s depressing, but it actually looks better than it did before.

Have you ever had one of those days that you just know people are never going to believe?

I awoke this morning to discover that a meteor had fallen into my front yard. There were swarms of people in hazmat suits walking around it, measuring, poking, scraping. Some of my neighbours had gathered to watch what they were doing, but then local police showed up to cordon the area off.

It wasn’t long after, the army showed up.

I was instructed to go about my business as usual by two extremely polite Canadian armed soldiers. And when I say armed, I mean they had arms. And by arms, I mean the appendages that hang down off their shoulders and end with fingers.

So I promptly ignored them and went into my front yard.

Which is when I noticed a peculiar green fog coming off the meteor and a very faint humming noise. After several minutes of this, that sucker started to make a whole bunch of noise and big bursts of green steam exploded upward and outward. Then it started to move. All the hazmat suits scattered like giant orange cockroaches after a light is turned on. I walked up closer to it. And then the top of it started to move.

Turned out, my meteor wasn’t really a meteor but rather, a spacecraft.

The growing crowd of bystanders started to panic. The local cops brought out the cases of two-four and started passing out beers to calm everyone down. The armed soldiers politely asked the meteor to please stop scaring everyone and why couldn’t we all just get along. Then they held hands and sang folk songs.

The top of that sucker slid back in one final angry cloud of green steam.

A dark figure started to climb out and people screamed. The cops broke out the Canadian Whiskey. I inched closer while the soldiers began a heartfelt rendition of O Canada! The steam started to clear and as my view of the strange visitor improved, I thought I recognized the tall lanky being. Turns out the spacecraft was actually a Honda.

It was CheesyMike.

“Dude, WTF?” I said. “Look what you did to my lawn!”

He brushed that aside. “Not important! The important thing is, I didn’t write a post today.”

“So?” I retorted. “What else is new?”

“NEITHER DID YOU!!” he yelled.

“I was going to write it early this morning. Before I went to work. Before you made me late with this ridiculous stunt. Seriously? You couldn’t have just picked up the phone?”

And that’s why I’m late this morning.

Yes, I made that whole story up.

I hit Off instead of Snooze.

Whatev.

 

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Welcome to Day 21 of the Second Third Annual 30 Minus 2 Days of Writing. Today’s prompt was Yes, I Made That and it was brought to you by Paris Week’s hot new fashion designer, P.JHe designed this year’s 30M2DoW commemorative t-shirt which you can check out HERE. It’s all the rage in Milan this season so go reserve yours now!

Please click on the links below to visit the other people participating in this challenge. And don’t worry if you’re fashionably late.

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  • Cadeaux

    I actually do have a meteor crater next to my house. I swear. It’s this one: http://www.wetumpkaimpactcratercommission.com/ And it’s scary. It’s like an 80+ foot straight down drop from the edge of my yard – which keeps inching towards the house with erosion. I live in constant fear of being swallowed up by a sinkhole or from a mud or landslide of some sort. It’s not fun.

  • CheesyMike is an alien, I knew it! I have to say, if I were an alien, I’d want an Audi spacecraft, no stinkin Honda.

  • Pingback: Yes, I Made That | Too Many Mornings()

  • I knew it. Cheesy Mike doesn’t exist. He’s a fig newton of your imagination.

  • frankleemeidere

    This is the first sentence of a self-referential comment on a self-referential post. This is the second sentence of a self-referential comment on a self-referential post, and it mentions the possibility of a self-referential black hole. This is the third sentence of a self-referential comment on a self-referential post, but this one notes that the post is not technically self-referential so much as it is paradoxically self-referential, in that its self-referential references reference the negation of things that are present or the presence of things that are not. This is the fourth sentence of a self-referential comment on a self-referential post (that may actually be a paradoxically self-referential post) that points out in a pedantic manner that when a meteor makes it all the way through the atmosphere and impacts the Earth it is referred to as a meteorite. This is the fifth sentence of a self-referential comment on a self-referential post (that may actually be a paradoxically self-referential post) that — aaarrrrgggghh! The black hole is here!

    Oh, wait. It’s just a sink-hole created by this endless self-referential winter.

  • ReformingGeek

    I was going to ask if Evil Twin walked out of that spacecraft but it was only CheesyMike….and then it was just all made up.

    Sigh.

  • Um, could you repeat that Frank?

  • frankleemeidere

    Probably not. Or maybe I just did.

  • mikewjattoomanymornings

    I can actually smell the desperation in your soul. Smells fantastic, too. Wish I could bottle it.

  • mikewjattoomanymornings

    Editors make me crazy.

  • Ha ha Dude WTF cracked me up!!!!!

  • That is exactly what I was gonna say!

  • I’m just amazed at how polite you Canadians are! This seems to be a bit in conflict with your “take no prisoners” behavior when you play hockey. Queer!

  • Queer? I don’t think so. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Seems all the rage in Sochi though.

  • Actually, my spaceship had nothing to do with that crater. It was from my infernal sneezing. Damn flu!

  • Queer as in odd, Dufus.

  • frankleemeidere

    They ARE crazy.

  • frankleemeidere

    I felt that I was speaking for all of us.

  • frankleemeidere

    Well, that’s certainly what they WANT you to believe.

  • Sitting on my couch cracking up…

  • BahHAhHAhHAHhAHhAHhAHhaHHh!! Brilliant, Nicky!

  • KZ

    The weirdest thing about this story was the detail about soldiers singing “O Canada!” as the figure of the “visitor” appeared. Is that really how you envision things would go down during an alien encounter? Is this a fanciful writer’s flourish, or are Canadians really just that strange?

  • Yes. 🙂

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